Alice in Borderland ~ Chishiya

58

'You're happy today.'

Nikita's voice is cheerful. I'm not sure how to respond, so I just nod. 'It was a good session at the physiotherapist yesterday,' I try. It's not entirely a lie: I notice that I'm really in good physical shape and that makes me happy. The pain disappears more and more and I noticed that despite the fact that it costs me energy, I also got energy from it. It felt satisfying when I ran on the treadmill and had to ride the exercise bike. I think back to the mountains and lakes that I had seen in the pictures on the walls and feel my heart beat faster.

'I'm glad you're doing better and better.' Nikita's voice sounds innocent, but I can already hear her setup coming. 'I noticed that the flyer I put on your bedside table has been relocated,' she suggests lightly. My eyes slide to the thing lying on the corner of the table. I hadn't bothered to throw it away, because I knew it was no use anyway. She would just give me another one.

I don't want to say I looked at it, because then she'll continue talking about it. 'Yeah,' I mumble, 'it was blocking my best friend's picture, so..'

'Oh,' she says, lowering her eyes, 'I'm sorry, I didn't see that..' Suddenly, I feel very guilty. I know she means well and that she just keeps bringing it up, because she feels it will do me good. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that. 'I'm sorry,' I sigh, 'I just doubt it's for me, but I'll think about it.' I try to sound as convincing as possible. Thinking about it and actually going there isn't the same thing, but she smiles at me anyway. She takes my tray of breakfast leftovers and leaves my room.

Nice that I was able to shake her off for a moment by saying that I'll think about it. That's something different from what I've been saying for the past few days, so in her eyes it's a win. I look out of the window and see that the sun is shining, but to be on the safe side I put on a cardigan. It might be a bit chilly outside. I put on my shoes and walk down the hall. I try not to stare at the other patients too much, but I notice that some of them look really bad. I let my eyes slide past the room number signs and walk on.

A boy walking on crutches loses his balance and can only just regain it, but because he swerves I jump to the side for a moment, bumping into the boy who's just about to come out of his room.

Although it's not really my fault, either, I immediately throw out a "I'm sorry". Out of the corner of my eye I see the boy looking exasperated at first, after which he drops it and mumbles: 'No problem.' I look at him to find out if he's really not mad. Not that it interests me, but I just don't feel like getting into a fight. He wants to look away, but then his eyes fall on my face again. He frowns and looks at me thoughtfully, as if something is wrong with me. His gaze changes to inquisitive and I seem to see a tiny trace of recognition going through his eyes.

I also look at him inquisitively, because I get the idea that I should recognize him, too. But where from? He has silver-blonde hair that reaches almost to his shoulders and there are some strands of hair hanging down to his cheek. We're about the same height. No, I've really never seen this boy before.

'Um,' he mumbles expectantly. I look at him with a questioning look and try to figure out what he means. 'May I..' he adds, gesturing to the floor. Only now do I find myself standing in the doorway and blocking his passage completely. 'Oh,' I mumble awkwardly, 'yes, I'm sorry.'

Only now do I notice that he was quite close to me. Or was I close to him? I don't know. I just know that my body wasn't alarmed by that and that surprises me. I quickly step backwards, so that he can pass through first and then I can continue walking. Yet he doesn't do that immediately.

At first I think I haven't made enough space, but then I see it's not that. He can just pass through. Is this a nice gesture in which he lets me go first? I don't know. I decide to wait a little longer and then take a step forward, but at exactly the same moment he does, too. I can just swerve before we bump into each other again. 'I'm sorry,' we both mumble at the same time.