Being the son of a businessman isn't easy, and Ji Nan knows that to well. So when he was forced to move he made sure to not let anyone know about his fathers income. He even made sure not to let anyone get to know him, but when he is tasked with tut...
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"Your father?" I nodded. "How would your father put such a big bruise on you?"
I let out a sigh, "he hit me of course."
Ba Wei didn't say anything and just stared at the wall in front of us for a few minutes. I raised an eyebrow at this because it seemed a bit strange. Was he angry or something and holding it in? Maybe he was...
"Why did he hit you so hard?"
I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the question. As usual it had to be cause and effect in this type of situation. I mean indefinitely said something that my father didn't like but that man never liked the truth.
"Well I was upset and I said something he didn't like."
"So he hit you?"
I nodded, "yeah. It's been a while since he hit me."
Ba Wei was quiet, so quiet that it worried me. I glanced over at him to see that he was staring down at his hands. He looked as if he was thinking about something and I couldn't help but think of what.
"What exactly did you say that pissed him off so much?"
"I called his new fiancé a slut," I said shrugging.
Ba Wei chuckled, "I'm not defending your father but saying such a thing would prompt any man to hit you."
"It's not like it's a lie. He goes through women like it's a game."
Ba Wei smacked his lips, "if he's going to marry her then he must be serious no?" I didn't say anything and this printed Ba Wei to keep talking. "You can't hate your father that much."
I looked over at him, "I do. It's not even about the woman it's about him always putting people above me."
"What do you mean?"
I didn't say anything and just my eyes. I couldn't necessarily tell him that my father had cancer and I didn't want to. I didn't know how to phrase what I wanted to say. I want to get across that my father has always taken care of other people before me even when I needed him the most.
"It's not like I'm a dick to that man for no reason. He doesn't even consider me more important than that woman, or anyone else that came into his life. I bet he doesn't even see me as his son. I'm probably just someone he has to keep in check."
"Ji-"
"Don't tell me that it's not true because how he talks to me says enough. I miss school, it's never: why? We're you feeling unwell? It's always: why are you wasting my money," I ranted?
"Calm down a bit okay," as he said this he put his hand on my thigh. "It's not something you should get upset by."
I let out a sigh. I wish I wasn't upset by this. I wish I wasn't upset about my father. I wish it didn't hurt. It almost hurt as much as the pain I felt about my mother. I thought I lost one parent when they split but I lost both.
"I did so many things to get his attention," I started, "whether good or bad I did them just for him to know I was there. I do so much and he still doesn't care about me."
Ba Wei didn't say anything but the hand that he had put on my thigh tightened. I turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow. His eyes met mine and I quickly shifted mine. It wasn't because his state was intimidating or anything. It was more because of the lack of emotion in them.
"I care," he suddenly said.
"Huh?"
"I said I care about you."
A small smile spread across my face, "thanks, it means a lot." He was silent for a few minutes before he started to speak.
"Listen I'm not an emotional person I don't know how to express some emotions, but I'm telling you that as long as I'm by your side don't rely on that man."
"Wha-"
"Rely on me," he said cutting me off, " and only me."
"Ba Wei I..."
"I can give you a place to stay, I can get you a job, I can get you whatever you ask for so just rely on me."
As I listened to him talk I couldn't help how my heart fluttered at every word he spoke. Yet even though I liked those words I knew I couldn't take the offer. I didn't want to be a burden on someone else and especially him. Plus I don't really know what he's like behind closed doors. I've only seen a select few sides of Ba Wei so I'm sure he has others.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by Ba Wei pulling me into his body. I was going to protest but when his arms wrapped around my body I couldn't help but relax in his arms.
"Ba Wei I'm not asking for help."
"You're not asking no but you need it. I've been in that situation before. My fathers no different from yours. Controlling, a huge dick, and when I was younger I used to try to impress him."
"How? He's a gang leader I doubt you tried to get good grades."
Ba Wei let out a full laugh, "yeah no. I used to fight a lot. I used to come home day after day bruised up and all I wanted him to ask was if I was okay but he never did. The only thing he asked was if I won."
I couldn't wrap my head around that at all. I mean I came home bloody lots of times and my father would scold me but he never asked that question. He would just tell me to try to avoid conflict, but as I got older he stopped scolding and telling me that. Maybe that's how it was just from the beginning with him.
"Why did he ask that?"
Ba Wei looked down at me, "if I said no he would have people come beat me for losing and if I won he would make me fight someone around my age. If I lost that fight in front of him he would beat me himself for dishonoring him."
"How the hell do you even still talk to that man," I asked in shock.
"It sounds bad yes but when I was younger I was just happy that he looked in my direction."
I didn't say anything but as I lay there with the back of my head against his chest I couldn't help but want to comfort him yet I didn't know how. I didn't know what to do to make him feel better so I just began rubbing his arms up and down.
"As I got older I realized that I wouldn't be able to rely on him to protect me from the dangers from this world, so I stopped seeing him as my dad and just as a boss of sorts."
"You still call him dad though," I said before I could stop myself.
"Yeah, but he knows that I only see him as a boss. I don't ask him to help me with anything and although I live under his roof he doesn't butt into my life."
I let out a sigh, "that must be nice. My fathers probably turning over tables because he can't find me right now."
Ba Wei kissed the top of my head, " trust me having no one to care about where you are and what you do sounds fun but it's not. It's a lonely life Ji Nan."
When I processed what he said I couldn't help the small pain that hit my heart. It was the first time that I heard Ba Wei express how he felt even a little bit since I met him. I didn't want him to feel like he was alone yet alone for him to feel like no one cared because I cared. I cared a bit too much.
