Saving The Day

49 (TW)

Game Day.

I was sitting in the lobby waiting for team to come down, and head to the bus. This is it for me, and I thought it wouldn't be too emotional but I was wrong. I can't believe I'm putting this team behind me and finally retiring..

"Hey Champ" a familiar British voice breaks me out of my thoughts, I didn't even notice them walk up too me. I look up, and my heart sinked.. in a good way of course.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her, my voice cracked. The fact that she was standing in front of me, made everything so much more emotional. She was the one who believed in me despite what everyone said, even the most tactical coaches..  she didn't listen. She gave me a chance, took me in and taught me more then just soccer. She smiled down at me, and my eyes started getting watery.

"I couldn't miss this" Jill tells me, and I stand up too hug her. She embraced me, and we haven't hugged since we won the World Cup. I didn't even get to be there for her last game either but I'm so glad she didn't neglect me.

We pulled away, and I was just soo happy too see her here.

"I wish I would have gone out with you, the same game. It would have meant a lot"

"I'd rather see you play your last game on your own. You never needed me.." she tells me, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember her always defending me, and keeping me afloat. She didn't give up on me, even when I had given up on myself. She never punished me or gave me ultimatum for my addiction.. she helped me instead.

"Thank you" I tell her.

....................................................................

"So many people will be tuning into this match tonight, it's Valtko's first game with the team. We get too see what he had them working on during camp, we know his  strategies are different from Jill Ellis"

"And we know the whole 2016 saga of Sweden Vs the USA, it's always an intresting match. They beat them in the World Cup, so let's see how this game turns out"

"This game is also a very important for the thousands of USWNT fans, and many football lovers around the world. Today is Holland Reed's last National game, her last game playing for her country. We talked with Valtko earlier about how it's been getting too work with her, at the end of her career. He said it was a wonderful opportunity too work with such an incredible player. It's been said she has taken physical therapy serious and had worked so hard too get back, she's in the best shape she can be right now"

"It's been confirmed, that she also went too rehab too get sober. For those who don't know, Holland was fighting addiction of Opioids during the World Cup, and even a month before. So we're happy too know she's gotten better, and playing with the team"

I cringed at the last comment from the commentary in the locker room. Christen notices from in front of me. She was helping me wrap my hands, I'm grateful for.

"You okay Holly?"

"Yeah just.. a lot too take in" I admit, I hadn't even notice my leg bouncing in anticipation. I wouldn't be playing until the 2nd quarter anyway, so that I can take the last 30 mins for myself. Carli walks over too us, and sits next to me.

"I just want you to know that once this is over, you got people who love you. We will be here for you, okay?" She tells me wrapping her arm around my shoulder. The words coming out of her mouth, felt like a screeching noise in my ears. Why has being here made it, so hard to believe that anyone cares..

Im drowning. I'm reaching out but no ones pulling me out, I'm screaming but no ones hearing me. I'm not sober anymore, and I have a feeling I won't stop.

I wanted too tell them both but my voice just cracks when I try too.

I simply nod and offer them both fake smiles, too which they receive without question. I spent most of the waiting talking too them, until Vatlko comes in with the other assistant coaches. Telling us what we should expect out of this game. I zone out once again, not caring in the moment. A part of me doesn't want too be here at all, saying goodbye.

"Holland?"

"Holland?"

Someone taps my shoulder, and I look up. Valtko was looking down at me, disappointed.. probably because I wasn't listening.

"Sorry, what'd you say?" I ask, and he shakes his head. He looks at the other coaches, and they shrug. I'm just there waiting for him too repeat himself, but since he wants too be like that I ignore him once again.

"He said if you're ready for the 2nd half" Carli tells me calmly, which I'm grateful for.

"Oh yeah, of course" I tell only too Carli, and Vatlko goes back too talking again about Sweden. This time I listen, and take everything in. When he dismisses himself and the coaches, everyone gets back too talking. Carli gets up, too talk to Becky while I sit next to Christen but she was caught up talking to Tobin. So I keep too myself, this team was never about me anyways. As I drift into my thoughts, someone sits next too me making me turn over too them.

"Hey" her raspy voice as usual. Her first time actually talking too me.

"Hi"

"Why haven't we talked dude?" She nudges me playfully. Although it doesn't bring the comfort it use too. It wasn't inviting or playful.. it was.. careless.

"Because your always busy"

"Don't know" was what I really said.

"Holly.. are you okay?"

"No.. I'm actually really fuckin depressed and I don't know why"

"Why wouldn't I be Al?" I respond with a pretend chuckle. Why am I all of a sudden important too her? We've had plenty of opportunities for her too talk to me and she picks until now?

"It's just.. you haven't talked too anybody on the team.. you seem closed off. You know we love you right?"

I looked in her eyes when she said the last line. After a second, I looked away. I didn't want too hear about what else she had too say. I got up from my seat, taking my towel with me and walked out the locker room. I walk through the halls and make it to the tunnel. There's officials and cameras getting ready for the game too start, I walk towards the USA bench. The coaches and staff turn around too see me bit they ignore me once again going back too their work. A few mins pass by and Valtko walks over too me.

"Look I don't know what Jill has done for you in the past, but with me it won't pass. I expect everyone too listen, got it? I need you too be ready for every min of the game." He tells me sternly with his strong accent, it kinda of ticked me off. It almost felt like he was downsizing Jill for a second. I know Jill wasn't the best, but she's helped me a lot.

"Mhmm" I nod. He didn't like that though, it didn't satisfy him.

"I saw your recovery record. You could play for one more year if you wanted too but know that I won't call you up after this.. I don't want an addict on my team. Your a risk, a liability. I'm trying to build a foundation with this team, and I won't be able too if I have too worry about you relapsing or overdosing. That would be bad publicity, a bad image on us. Do you want that? After everything that we fought and worked hard for?" He questions me, quietly so no one could hear what he was saying too me.

"No.. I don't want too do that to the team" I whisper back, I was sorta shocked too hear this. He seemed nice at first but now he's shown me his true colors.

"Good.. and I better not hear that you're not sober anymore because that will affect the team." He walked away after that, I turn around looking at the stands of people. Some were looking towards my bench, I didn't know what to do. Do I wave? Are people actually happy too see me right now?.. do fans still love me?..

I understand though, I'm selfish for have chosen substance over my team.

I'm guilty of that but man.. I wish people knew how much it comforts me then the people around me..