Saving The Day

39

"My shoulder hurts Dawn, that's why I'm so frustrated" I tell her, and she nods. She checks me over.

"Has Carli gave you the medication?"

"No" Yes. She grabs a pill bottle, taking one out. Handing it to me, and she hands me a water bottle.

"Thank you" I tell her, and I swallow it down.

"Let's go back out there" she tells me handling me an ice pack. I follow her out, the noise starts to get louder the closer we get the feild. We walk through the sidelines to get to our team bench. I see Ash hold her guard up as I get close to Ali. I walk past them, and sit next to Allie. 

"What's up" she tells me with a smile, at least she doesn't look afraid of me.

"Incredible, we're already up 9 goals" I tell her, and she chuckles. She seems to keep her distance from me as I start to show how I'm back to being calm. They need to chill out, because I'm fuckin fine. Carli comes over to us, and asks Allie if she can move cause she needs to talk to me.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She tells me in a loud whisper, and she grabs my hand.

"I'm fine" I tell her through gritted teeth. Carli is not one to pull away, she will tell me to stop screwing around. That's something I admire about her, but right now I'm tired of people asking me if I'm okay.

"Bullshit, absolute bullshit. Dawn just told me that I need to start giving you medicine, which I have been. I know you still have the pills I've been giving you because I've noticed you don't fuckin take them"

"Fuck off Carli, you don't know anything Ms. Perfect!" I snatch my arm back from her grip. She doesn't flinch but she scolds me back.

"You have a problem Holland, and this team cares about you so get your shit together because we care and you need to care too." She tells me before getting up, and I get up with her.

"Care about me? Where were they, when I was going through so much" I yell, and everyone at the bench now looks at me, fixated. "If anything their scared of me, what kind of fuckin team is that huh? Where were you guys when I was at my lowest? You don't fuckin care!" I yell towards my teammates, and I grab my stuff and walk towards the tunnel. No one follows me, and I'm not surprised. Carli looks at me worriedly as I look back at her. I know she cares but I don't need help. I walk into the locker room. My body starts sweating more, and I start to get cold. Wearing my uniform, I step into the showers and turn it on. I set it right for hot water, because I'm starting to get colder. I stand under the shower head, feeling every drop run down my face. When I feel Satisfied, I finally turn it off. I sit against the shower wall, my body starts to shake. I don't know how long it's been but I get up off the floor, and I walk to the mirror. I look at myself, eyes red, face pale but I'm feeling fine.

"Holland" I hear from behind me. Christen is stepping on to the shower pulling me into a towel. Wrapping me up, and moving me towards the locker room. Body still shaking, it's like no matter what I'm still cold.

"You're okay" Christen whispers in my ear as she hugs me. We hug for a little bit before she speaks up.

"We're gonna find you help and-"

I gently remove her from her hold on me.

"I don't need help, I'm fine" I tell her sternly, and just in time. The team is coming in, and Ash steps in between us.

"You're not fine Holland, I've seen addiction.. I've been there and you're there right now" she tells me calmly, the team surrounds us. I look into some of their eyes, pity. Great, exactly what I needed. I stop and look into someone specifically.

"Got anything to say?" I tell her, and she looks sadly at me.

"Holland is fine you guys, she's just frustrated that you guys keep bugging her" Alex tells them still looking at me, and she gives me a small smile. She walks over to me and she helps dry my clothes off. Ash looks taken back from Alex being so incredibly chill with me. Kelly then joins, and helps me try my hair with her towel.

"Missed you buddy" she tells me smiling, and I ruffle her sweaty hair.

"What the hell is wrong with them" Ash whispers in Ali's ear, but I can hear. She wasn't so far away from me. Eventually I get out of the uniform and change into some decent clothes. Still cold, I put it on the USA jacket.

"You sure? You're sweaty" Kelly tells me, and she looks down as if she just said the wrong thing.

"Nah I'm good" I tell her, and she nods not meeting my eyes. I grab my stuff, and we head out to the bus. I sit in the middle of the bus, Kelly takes her seat in the back to sit with the youngsters. Alex gets on the bus, and spots me. She sits next to me.

"The media is going to be on our asses about the game" she tells me, we start a conversation of our own. Once everyone piles in, we're on our way back to the hotel. I'm sharing a room with Alex, with Carli next door. She's still in charge of my medicine when I need it. Which I'm for certain I won't be getting for a while because she knows not too but that's fine.
I have a few days worth with me at hand, in case the cravings come back.