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"Sorry, who are you?" You asked furrowing your brow at the lady.
"Oh of course, I'm sorry. Y/n... I'm your mother" she replied smiling softly at you.
Your breath hitched in your throat, your entire body tensed up, you wanted to grab your gun but you were frozen, completely frozen, you weren't even sure you were blinking or breathing. You could feel how fast your heart was beating. You could feel the colour draining from your face.
"I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to talk" She explained gently, reaching her hand out to hold yours.
"I-I... H-How did you find me?" You asked nervously, retracting your hand away from hers.
"It wasn't hard, you kept the name I gave you... Then I found out that you had worked your way all the way up to the FBI, and I... I had to meet you" She responded.
You've profiled a lot of serial killers before, and perhaps this was a façade but you couldn't see the evil in her. Or maybe you could but you were currently too in shock to notice.
"Can I come in?" She asked her eyes glancing at your front door quickly before looking back at you.
"I... I don't even know your name?" You retorted, frowning at her.
"You work in the FBI, were you never curious to look me up?" She asked furrowing her brow, you shook your head.
"Honestly... I didn't want to know"
"My name is Andrea" She told you. "It's lovely to finally meet you Y/n"
"I wish I could say the same, but you're... I... I should arrest you... You're... You're a-a killer" You stated, moving your hand to your gun holster, Andrea stepped back and put her hands up in the air.
"Sweetie, let me explain first... But can we please talk inside?" She asked, quickly looking around the area, as if she was scared someone might be watching.
"That's a terrible idea... I'm not fucking stupid" you snapped, wrapping your fingers around the handle ready to pull the gun out of the holster at any moment.
"I'm innocent" Andrea stated quickly "I'm innocent... All the bad stuff that happened, that was all your father... He's the monster not me"
"Is that so?" You questioned rhetorically "Even if it is, you abandoned me... You left me on a doorstep" your eyes glossed over and a single tear rolled down your rosy cheek.
"I never wanted to... I fell in love with your father when I was young and stupid, and reckless... I... I didn't think... I didn't know what your father was capable of... Then once I did it was too late... I was trapped in a relationship with him... I would sit at home when he went out to do those-- those terrible things... Then... Then I got pregnant with you, and I just... And I thought... I thought maybe a--a baby would fix things, but it didn't and I... I realised the life you would have had with me and your father would be terrible"
"My life without you was terrible too... Do you know what it's like to feel unloved?" You asked as your bottom lip trembled. "Because of you, I was passed round from home to home like a fucking joint, until I was dumped at some group home, with all the other unloved kids."
"I never wanted that life for you" Your mother pointed out. "I hoped you would go to a loving home"
"How could I? When you left a note saying who my parents were... Everyone was scared that you and my father would return to kill them... Up until recently I didn't even... I didn't even know what it felt like to be loved...or wanted"
"And I'm so sorry"
"Are you? Are you sorry?... I don't even know why I'm believing anything you're saying, I should arrest you for aiding and abetting"
"Then go ahead..." your mother whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Why are you here? Why did you come back? After all these years, why now?" You asked
"I got out... I got away from your father, and... And I'm scared... I'm worried he's going to find me, a-and if he does, he'll kill me... I don't want to die without getting a chance to know you"
"I don't... I don't want to know you... I don't want anything to do with you" You replied stepping away from her.
"What I did, I did with your best interests at heart"
"If you had my best interests at heart, you would've had an abortion... You chose to have a kid, you chose to have a kid, then you dumped them... You dumped me on a doorstep in the middle of winter when it was snowing, I was wrapped in a thin blanket and barely anything else to keep me warm... If you had my best interests at heart, you would've never come here... Did it even cross your mind that maybe, I didn't want to see you?" You questioned, your emotions were all over the place, you felt a mix of anger and pain, and an overwhelming sense that your life was about to collapse in on you.
"I made mistakes-"
"Mistakes?! Are you brain dead? You decided to keep me, hoping that I would be a way to stop my murderous father from killing people, that suddenly a baby would fix him... Then you realised that, that wasn't going to work, so you threw me away like a piece of trash!" You snapped "Now if you don't mind, I need you to leave"
"Y/n please... I-I'm scared" your mother begged
"Not my responsibility. You're lucky I'm not arresting you, now please go, before I pull my gun out and shoot you" You shot back clenching your jaw, and slowly lifting your gun out the holster.
"Ok... I... I'm sorry" You mother mumbled as she ran away crying. You gulped back the lump in your throat, unlocked your front door, walked into your apartment and then double locked the door again. Instinctively you pulled out your phone and called Spencer, only to regret it the minute he answered.
"Hey princess"
"..."
"Y/n you there?"
"Uh-Yeah... S-Sorry I-I... I butt dialled you"
"Oh, ok... Uh-d-do you wanna come over?"
"Ummm... N-No I think I'm going to stay in tonight"
"Oh, ok... Are you- Are you ok? It's just you sound-"
Before Spencer could finish his sentence you hung up, stumbled over to your bed and fell face down onto it. You buried your face in your pillow and cried until tears could no longer form in your eyes, till you were to tired to cry.
Perhaps you shouldn't have been so harsh on your mother, perhaps what she was saying was true, perhaps at the time she did have your best interests at heart. Who knows... But her returning reopened a wound in you that you thought had healed.
You had come to terms with the fact that you were never going to meet your parents, and you had come to the decision a long time ago that you didn't want to meet them. But now you were at a cross roads.
No matter what your mother did, or didn't do a part of you would always want a relationship with her. Growing up without a mother was tough, you always wanted someone to go shopping with you, tell you about periods, and boys... Someone to hold you when you were sad, and kiss you goodnight in the evenings. You always wanted what you didn't have...
