⚠︎︎TRIGGER WARNING⚠︎︎ ⚠︎︎Brief mention of mental health struggles, and self-harm, and a lot of angst. ⚠︎︎ ♡︎
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It had been a couple of weeks since you were released from the hospital, and so far, you hadn't said a word.
Almost as soon as you got into the house, you went upstairs to the spare bedroom and locked yourself in there.
You didn't move, you didn't sleep, you just lay there all day and night, alone with your dark thoughts. Self-hatred growing more and more as time went on.
Spencer didn't know what to do, he understood your pain, he understood why you were so upset with yourself, but he felt so helpless.
Growing up you struggled with who you were, when you were a kid it was mainly focused on how unloved you felt, then when Gideon told you about your parents you wondered how truly good you were.
That then spiraled during your time with Carl Dallas where you began to realize maybe you were truly a monster. It took so long for you to heal from that experience, to then get thrown into such a traumatic situation with your parents was something no one should ever go through.
You lost control by the end, you had been so traumatized by them, you lost it, and when you killed your mother, it was like you blacked out.
All you wanted was to cause pain, you wanted her to feel the pain that she inflicted on you, you wanted to ruin her life as she did to you.
Now, there you lay in bed going over the events of that night, recalling every memory you had, recalling the moment when you truly lost control.
Every mealtime Spencer would make you food and leave it outside your room, and if you could be bothered you'd get up and fetch it, but a lot of the time you'd let it go cold.
Most nights, Spencer would find himself sitting outside your room, talking to you, trying to get you out of your hiding spot, sometimes he'd even cry, but nothing brought you out.
"How is she?" Hotch asked as Spencer let the team into the house.
"Same as before" Spencer mumbled glumly. "She won't get out of the room... I mean, she barely eats, or drinks, I don't know if she's sleeping in there or just doing nothing."
"It will take time, she's stuck in the mindset that she's a bad person, so by locking herself away from us, she thinks she's doing us a favor" Hotch pointed out.
"I get that, and I would probably do the same, but I'm scared for her, she has a history of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, severe depressive episodes, I mean... What if she hurts herself? Th-There's a chance she could've already hurt herself, who knows?" Spencer pointed out.
