⚠︎︎TRIGGER WARNING ⚠︎︎Panic attack and angst, mention of S.Rs addiction⚠︎︎ ♥︎
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♥︎ Once the jet landed, you took a little longer to get your things together so that you could avoid walking alongside everybody else.
However, when everyone exited the Jet, Hotch stayed back with you, causing you to internally curse. "How are you feeling?" Hotch asked as you descended down the stairs.
"Fine, I just had a night terror, I haven't had one for a while, but I get them every so often" you replied sounding as casual as possible.
"Y/n, if you need to sit this one out, that's completely fine with me. I understand you might struggle with certain issues since we are coming up to the anniversary of-" Hotch began.
"Hotch I'm fine, I'm sorry for waking you up, it won't happen again" You cut in then speeding off towards Spencer to avoid the uncomfortable situation.
Once you got to the SUVs, you and Derek drove off to the abduction sites together as instructed by Hotch.
"You're doing it again," Derek mentioned as you looked around the little boy's bedroom.
"Doing what?" You asked curiously.
"Biting your bottom lip" Derek stated, causing you to immediately stop. "You do it when you're anxious."
"Don't profile me Derek Morgan" You snapped grumpily.
"It's hard not to when you have a break down on the jet, then pretend nothing happened," he commented checking the window.
You internally cringed, and rolled your eyes, turning your back on Derek. "Don't do that... Come on kid, talk to me. You're anxious, you're not sleeping, you're definitely not focused, and don't tell me you're fine, because you're not." Derek sighed.
"How do you know I'm not focusing?" You questioned turning back around curiously.
"Because you stared at this window for 10 minutes, and didn't notice the scratch marks on the window sill." Derek retorted pointing to four prominent lines of chipped paint.
You exhaled audibly as you looked at the lines but didn't say anything. "It's to do with your abduction right?" He questioned.
"I was fine before after it happened... I was fine, S-Spence was the worry, he'd get night terrors, he'd get anxious, basically all the tell-tale signs of PTSD, but I was fine... Now, I don't know" you explained in defeat.
"Have you spoken to Reid about it?" Derek asked.
"Not really." you sighed checking around the bed.
"Is something going on between you two?"
"No, we're fine. Great in fact, b-but that why I don't want to tell him. It took us a long time to get to this point in our relationship, where everything is just so, so, good... I mean, I'm getting married and everything is great... But then my brain decided to fuck with me and now... I'm just falling back on my work... I-I feel like Spencer is always looking after me... I'm always the worry, with my depression, and anxiety and general yet to be resolved issues, I just feel like it's not fair on him to have to worry about me all the time." you told him honestly.
