Monster | J.JK✔️

40: His Final Secret

"Jeon Jungkook has been diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder with his co-occurring Borderline Personality Disorder.

I feel like a wave of reality strikes me at those words. It hit so hard, that it was like time had paused itself just to allow me to understand what is going on. Tears slowly well in my eyes as I take in what I heard. The words that had changed Jungkook's life forever many years ago. Now have changed my life forever. The truth - A truth that I never knew would hurt so much. Having spent my life with Jungkook based off his hidden secrets all felt like a lie. His deepest secret which Jungkook thought could break us if I knew...could have saved us instead. "I can't believe he never told me," I mumble wiping away my tears with a little sniffle. I would have never left Jungkook's side if I knew. I would have helped him! Not left him. "After all these years. He couldn't trust me enough to tell me himself..."

"When Jungkook told me he still hadn't said anything to you after all this time, I too was quite shocked," Jin says. I tilt my head, questioning what he meant by that. Jin notices my glance and quickly explains, "Jungkook gave me a surprise visit a while ago. I'm guessing he did because he knew that his condition was only getting worse and was hoping to reconnect and start therapy with me. But when I asked him what he'd done to you, he didn't give me a straight answer...Just burst out and disappeared," Jin takes a sigh remembering the rude and sudden exit Jungkook took when he intended to seek help. Jin raises his gaze back up to meet with mine. "But I know he's done something extremely wrong to you Minji. That's why I've spent months trying to find you."

I gulp knowing where this is going.
"Do you mind telling me what has happened between you and Jungkook?" Jin politely asks knowing this is a sensitive question yet I can hear the urgency and importance in his voice. I take a moment to pause and consider it. Jin can feel my hesitance and says "I know it's hard to just tell someone you don't even know about your private life. But I can help you answer whatever question you have along with going back to treating Jungkook. But I'd have to know what happened between you and him for the last few years."

I haven't told anyone about the full truth. Not the police. Not even my closest friends who I know will support and comfort me in every way if they knew. But Jin - we just met. We barely know each other.
Though...Jin knows Jungkook more than anyone. He knows Jungkook in ways I've never known before. And that makes me trust him. I can feel and understand the deep bond he had with Jungkook. And the importance he played in Jungkook's life. He never judged or overreacted to what Jungkook would tell him. So he will not judge whatever I say. He's a professional psychiatrist after all. He's dealt with messed up shit. I feel comfortable to talk to him because he knows Jungkook so well.
And so I tell Jin the full truth. From the very first hit all the way up to Jungkook's prison sentence.

Jin was very patient with me. He never made ridiculous comments or horrified faces when I told him about what happened every night behind the locked doors of that lonely house, which I am forever grateful for. It was the one reason I kept going. My friends would naturally give such massive reactions if they knew and I just did not want to see that. But Jin made sure not to react or interrupt me unnecessarily. It honestly felt relieving to finally speak about it. Despite the tears all soaking up my face, I felt better.

Once I had finished, Jin immediately apologised for everything I had to go through. I don't know why but it just felt calming to hear even though it was unnecessary. In this short time, I can understand why Jungkook opened up to Jin so quickly. He's naturally so kind and anyone can see it.

"All of this may have been avoidable if Jungkook had just continued his therapy with Dr Joowon like I had left for him," Jin shakes his head feeling deep guilt for what I've had to deal with. "I organised a doctor to see him and I chose Joowon because I know they'd get along. But Jungkook never went to see him!" Jin exclaims with a hint of annoyance. "If he did not like Joowon, he should have done therapy with someone else. Not just stop completely. That was his biggest error."