A tbjzl fan fiction

25

The past few months had been amazing, I've never felt this good. I felt great but somehow, there was a massive part of me that still felt so shit. I always got like this near the anniversary of my parents death. I thought to myself what's wrong with you, you have everything in front of you, I knew if i continued acting like this, I would lose everyone around me, but I just wanted to be alone, it was easier that way. I felt selfish. I hadn't showered in days I didn't eat proper meals, I had lost my appetite, I just wanted to curl up into a ball. Which is exactly what I did. For the past two days, Tobi had called and texted me repeatedly, checking if i was okay. I decided to reply and i kept it simple.

Tobi: heyy you haven't answered your phone or texts, is everything okay? always here💕
Me: hi, yeah all good, just need time for myself.

I put my phone on silent and lay there, a million thoughts running through my head. I hated feeling like this, I knew how grateful i should be right now to be alive and living comfortably. But I couldn't help it. The next day passed slowly, I couldn't stand the constant buzzing on my phone so i switched it off. I felt bad, I knew he was trying to help, but it was too much. I hadn't slept properly in days and i felt awful. I heard a banging noise on my door, my alarm clock read 2.13pm, I had a feeling it would be Tobi. I rolled out of bed, I saw a glimpse of myself in the mirror, i looked awful, my cheeks were all puffy, my eyes red and my eye bags looked so big. My hair, don't get me started on my hair, i threw it up into a messy bun. I walked through the flat to the front door and looked through the peephole, it was Tobi. I felt a sense of relief, I didn't think I would feel like this seeing him. After a long hard think, I opened the door.

I didn't know what to do, I just stood there looking at the floor. He lifted up my chin and looked me in the eyes. 'what happened?' he looked genuinely concerned. I don't know what came over me, I just sobbed into his shoulders. He walked me over onto the sofa and just let me sob. I felt so pathetic, how do i even begin to explain my feelings. He got up and made his way to my kitchen. I sat there with my head in my knees, feeling weak. I looked up to see that he had made me a hot chocolate, i smiled weakly and thanked him.

'Abi, i don't know what happened, but i want you to know that you don't have to go through this alone, i'm here for you'

I smiled, 'thank you tobi'

After a few moments i spoke 'i'm so sorry for pushing you away tobi, i didn't know how to deal with my emotions, especially at this time of the year. It was wrong of me to just shut you out.' The tears reformed. 'god i don't even know where to start'

'take your time' he said, pulling me closer to his chest and resting his chin on my head.

i don't know, i feel like it's so much harder this year because ig i'm the happiest i've been in years, and i always think that i'm alone in terms of family. Like idk it's stupid but I would love for you to have met my parents, and i'm never gonna experience introducing you to my family. like i know it's stupid but it's just little things like that, which got to me these few days. I don't know what it is about this year, it just hurts more this year. I wish they were still here, i've never missed them more in my life. I looked up. 'i'm so sorry i got your shoulder wet' i laughed

he wiped my tears away from the face. 'hey it's   okay Abi, i guess because you were so young, you didn't get to process your emotions. And it sucks with your family, you don't deserve that. idk of it makes you feel better but i know for a fact that my family will love you. Please don't scare me like that Abi, i was so worried about you.'

i kissed his cheek 'thank you, i appreciate it. it's so easy to let the bad thoughts dominate the good ones'. He held me close to him.

'Hey Tobi, do you wanna go stargazing somewhere tonight? i know it's short notice'

'yes omg, we could go to Greenwich'

'wait Abi, have you eaten at all? be honest with me'

i looked up and sighed 'no, not properly, i've eaten here and there but nothing that's good for me'

'Right, let me cook you something, that might help' he smiled 'give me 20 mins max'. By the time he was done, I had started to nap on the sofa. He gently shook me and helped me up, he made me pasta. I smiled and took a few bites slowly, i felt bad but i really wasn't hungry.

'Tobi, sorry im just not hungry'

he took the bowl from my hands 'abi you haven't eaten in days, your body needs nutrients' After a few moments, he picked up the fork and started feeding me the pasta. I felt a bit bad, so I ate it. 'thanks tobi' i smiled weakly. After eating, we just lay there on the sofa for a while. I got up to have a shower, after a good 10 mins of cleaning myself, I finally felt clean. I got out and put on my tracksuits and a SDMN colour block hoodie. I also grabbed Tobi one of his hoodies that I stole.

'here's a spare hoodie, seeing as i ruined yours!'

'haha thanks abi, do you wanna leave at 9?'

'sure' right now, we were watching haikuyu and he was playing with my hair, making me feel safe.