When Alexandria takes a trip to London, the last thing she expected was for the handsome guy with long hair and green eyes to kidnap her.
‼️WARNING/TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT, SEXUAL CONTENT, MENTION OF SUICIDE, MENTION OF S...
Today is one of those days where mum is mad at me again. No matter what I do, she always seems to be mad at me. If I clean my room, I don't do it right. If I cook, the food is bad. If I keep quiet, I'm being weird. If I talk to her, I'm being annoying. I don't know what to do anymore, why do I have to be such a disappointment?
Today mum has been drinking that stuff in bottles that she likes, from the moment she woke up. I stay in my room when she drinks that stuff because she always seems to get more angry with me even though I try my best to stay out of her way.
I hear mum's loud steps coming towards my room, I'm sitting on the floor playing with my army men that I found next to a bin when walking home from school the other day. I hope this won't make mum upset with me... I've never had any toys so I got really excited and took them since the person was just throwing them away.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Mum asks me, swaying slightly. She must be dizzy.
"I'm playing..." I answer quietly, not making eye contact because I know she hates when I look her in the eyes.
"You know something Harry..." She begins, strolling through my room while she gulps some of her juice down that's in a glass bottle. I wonder what it tastes like, it must be good if she drinks it every day.
I don't know whether answering her or keeping quiet will make her more angry. I decide to stay silent and see if she carries on talking.
"Do you like the life that we live? Because I don't..." She mumbles, I shake my head to agree with her answer. I don't want her to get mad at me.
"Well do you know why we live like we do?" She asks me, she's speaking weirdly again. It sounds like her tongue is numb. I shake my head to answer her question.
"It's your fault Harry. I got pregnant with you so Mark left, he left me with nothing but a thing growing inside me like a parasite!" I jump slightly in fright when she yells the last sentence at me. She's talking about dad again, she likes to talk about him when she drinks her juice.
"I hate you, you know that right? I would have had a wonderful life if you didn't ruin it you little shit!" She screams at me, I close my hands into fists so that hopefully she can't see that my hands are shaking.
I keep my head down, staring at the floor of my bedroom. I hear her walk towards me before she grabs a handful of my hair and rips my head backwards. My breathing starts to increase from the fear. I know what's next...
"You're a parasite and nothing more, everyone would be better off if you were dead!" She yells through gritted teeth. Before I can even process her words, her hand raises and I squeeze my eyes shut. The sharp pain and loud clap that echoes through my room reveals the slap that I just got to my cheek.
Well at least she didn't punch me, slapping isn't as bad as when she punches me. I can't hide the bruises when she punches me. People at school always ask what happened to me but I reply with the excuse that mum always gives me to recite to people. I mean it's not a big deal... everyone's mum's hit them at home right? My teachers also ask if I'm okay and I tell them that I am because of course I'm okay... I just need to learn to be better for mum.
Mum doesn't say anything else, she just walks out of my room and slams the door shut. I lift my hand to touch the side of my face that she slapped, I wince at the pain that shoots through my cheek just from the light brush of my hand. It's okay, I've had worse.
I get really sad sometimes, I cry into my pillow because the last thing I want is to wake mum up. That wouldn't be very nice of me... I feel like I get sad for no reason sometimes, other times I just feel really lonely. Even though I have mum, Bear and Fish... I just feel like I have no one. I cry so much that I can't breathe sometimes, it feels like the air that I'm breathing isn't real because it doesn't feel like it's working.
I wish I had friends; I always feel like I'm alone. I tried to make friends at school when I first started. But the kids at school always whisper things when I enter the classroom and when I try to talk to them, they run away and laugh. It hurts my feelings but it's my fault. Mum must be right, I must be weird and annoying. I stopped trying to talk to anyone at school after that.
I couldn't even bring friends to my house if I had any, mum would say no and we live in a very bad part of town. I heard that kids at school say that... I have Bear and Fish to talk to though. They are my friends that I made up in my head so that I have people to talk to. They are so nice to me, they always listen. We play hide and seek a lot, it's my favourite game. They are better at it then I am though, I think they cheat sometimes. At least they've never hurt me like mum does and the kids at school do.
I like to think that maybe one day I would have a friend, a real friend. Someone who I could go to the movies with. That would be the best day of my life. Someone who I could laugh and joke with, I say some great jokes to Bear and Fish but they never laugh, just something else I'm not good at.
The neighbours are really nice. They always smile and greet me which makes me feel happy. The man who lives in the house to our left, gives mom flour in really small bags. I don't know why she doesn't just buy a big bag at the shops but I would never question her. I'll tell you a secret... I think she likes to eat the flour straight that she gets because sometimes I see it on her top lip. It makes her act really weird for a few hours, and she forgets everything that happened. I lock myself in my room when she acts like that, she just doesn't seem like the same person.
I just have a normal life. Everything that I go through is normal right? It's normal for mum to hurt me, it's my fault. The kids at school hurt me on the inside which is normal because I'm annoying. The juice and the flour that mum loves are also normal, I'm sure everyone at school would say that their mums do the same but I've never asked, why should I? It's normal that I want to hurt myself too. I deserve it, I wish I wasn't the way that I am, annoying and weird. I punch myself in the stomach sometimes when I get the overwhelming feeling that I'm a failure. That's what you do when you're the way I am, you have to get hurt to learn right? It's normal to feel like your life is suffocating you right?
I think a lot about what would happen if I jumped out of mum's bedroom window upstairs... Maybe I would die... Maybe that would be the best punishment for me. Mum even said earlier that it would be better for everyone else if I was dead. I'll try my best to change, to be better for mum. She doesn't deserve what I put her through. I think I should go for a walk to find some flowers to give her to apologise for making her angry earlier.
I really do hate myself sometimes...
Authors note:
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How are we feeling?
I thought it would be good to show some of Harry's past so you can get to know him a bit better. There will be more flashbacks to come!
I love you very much. Thank you always for reading.
See you in the next one, I promise it's a lot happier one!
