Liberosis

Chapter 39

Trigger warning: mention of self harm, attempting suicide and suicidal thoughts.

Songs to listen to this chapter:

Not About Angels - Birdy

Harry's perspective.

The shrill beeping of a machine wakes my mind from the deep sleep I was trapped in. With each beep feeling like it's shoving a needle further and further into my brain. I wince at the throbbing pain my head is going through.

"He's waking up..." I hear a voice whisper quietly.

Where the fuck am I? Where the fuck is this annoying beeping coming from?

I peel my eyes open which feels like a harder job than what it should be. The light from the room hits my eyes, causing me to close my eyes again from how bright it is.

"Harry?" Lexi's angelic voice wakes me as if a bucket of cold water has just been thrown over my body.

I open my eyes again, being able to take in my surroundings this time. My eyes move from Lexi who is standing by my feet, to the drip in my arm, to Louis and Niall sat in chairs next to me, to the stitches in my arm and then back to Lexi.

I'm in the hospital?

"Where—I... What happened?" So many questions are flashing through my mind filled with confusion.

"What was the last thing you remember?" Lexi asks softly, her arms crossed over her chest with her hands stroking her upper arms.

I try and think to the last thing that I can remember. Work. I went to work and Zayn was there. I hit Zayn and Zayn hit me. I was in the office and then King came in. He came in to tell me about my mum. About how she had killed herself... I remember going home drunk, fighting with Lexi. I cringe at the things I remember yelling at her. I remember she left, I started drinking Vodka. And then she came back? Yeah, she did. I pushed her away and then... Then I went into the bathroom with drugs, painkillers and a knife.

It's a few minutes of silence before I reply, "I remember." Is all I say. There's nothing else I can say.

"How long have I been here?" I ask, looking between Lexi, Niall and Louis.

"Two days." Lexi replies sternly. "The three of us haven't left this room in two days." Her voice breaking in some of her words.

Louis stands up, walking up to Lexi. He holds her upper arms before speaking, "Go and get a coffee." He nods at the end of his reply, Lexi takes a deep breath before nodding herself. She turns on her feet, leaving the room without a word and without looking at me.

"What the fuck was that?" I ask, not being able to hide my jealousy.

"That was me being there for her as a friend, Harry. It's been a fucking nightmare the past two days; you don't even know the half of it. What were you thinking?" Louis rants, walking up and sitting at the end of the hospital bed.

I go to move my hair out of my face like what I always do when I'm nervous but my eyes catch the lines of stitched cuts that are on the inside of my right arm. "I just wanted all the pain to end." I reply, my eyes not leaving the cuts on my arm. The memory of cutting the blade through my skin flashes through my mind.

"I understand that, you didn't have to end your life to achieve that." Louis answers, staring at his hands resting in his lap.

"We thought you weren't going to make it Harry." Niall speaks up as he stands up from his seated position. "You looked like a ghost man; I've never been so scared." His voice wavers near the end.