My Foolish Heart {Completed}

Chapter 10

Chitta

I grew anxious as the dial tone grew louder in my ear. I’m mad at myself for waiting this long to call her. There were times when I needed her but I’m not really going to get into that now. I just wanted her to tell me everything was okay between us and that we can get on the journey to rebuild our relationship.

“Hello. Who is this?” Her voice croaked through the other receiver. I forgot about the time difference it’s already 11 there.

“Hi ma. It’s me Sochitta.” I said trying to hold back tears.

“Hi baby how’s everything?”

“I’m well I just wanted to talk to you it’s been too long. How are you?” I sniffled. Shit I didn’t want to cry.

“Don’t cry baby. I’m better now that I’m talking to you. How is the career of mama’s Hip Hop star?” I wasn’t sure if she was being sarcastic or genuine but I decided not  to question it.

“About that I don’t rap anymore Ma. It wasn’t that I couldn’t make I went through some things and now I’m an art teacher for young children between the ages of six and twelve.”

“I’m proud of you baby no matter what you do as long as you’re happy. I also want to apologize for trying to stop from chasing your dreams. It was selfish of me to do that to you and I’m glad you didn’t listen to me when I told you not to go.”

“I forgave you after my first six months I was in rehab a few years ago.” She gasped I was surprised she wasn’t cursing me out right now.

“Oh my Chitta dear what happened?”

“Well I had gotten involved with the guy that signed me 8 months after I got there and 6 months after that I got pregnant. Little did I know he was already having a child with his current girlfriend. When I found out I had already lost my baby, my son, Khalil to stillbirth just days before. I attempted suicide when I wa released from the hospital a few days later. It was too much to deal with my life was falling apart.” I started sobbing harder than before.

“Oh my goodness baby, you’ve been through so much.” I heard her soft sobs come through the receiver. I didn’t want to hear or make my my mother cry. “I wish I would’ve been around when all this had happened. I feel terrible I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me your mother the most Chitta. I’m sorry.”

“Mom it’s not your fault at all. Everything happens for a reason and I’ll have other children some day with the right person.” Stacie’s smile flashed in my mind and I began to smile as well. I really was feeling her and I’m glad we have met.

I lightened the mood of our conversation. We joked about our jobs and a few other things then said our goodbyes for the night. I need to call her more often and take a  trip to see her soon. I took my shower and went to sleep. After all I did have work in the morning.

Michael

I sat in my mother’s driveway debating if I should go inside. She called me last night and demanded me to bring my ass over in the morning. Her exact words too. I wasn’t sure for what but if I had to take a wild guess it had to do with Gianna and myself. Gianna and my moms grew closer after Lani was born. I hope she didn’t tell her though because I would like to be the one to tell my moms about my son.

I looked down at my vibrating phone in the cup holder. It was my mom she must see my ass out her from the kitchen window. Great so much for driving off and avoiding this shit.

“Michael Ray Nguyen Stevenson if you don’t bring your scrawny behind in this house and stop creeping in my driveway, I’m gonna bring you in here myself.”

“Aight I’m on my way in now.” She ended the call after that. She must be upset and now I know I’m walking in a pit of fire. I locked my car, walked in the house gave my mom a hug and kissed her forehead.

“What’s up ma?” I sat down on the couch rubbing my hands down my pants.

“So why is Gianna in San Diego?” Fuck man. I played it cool I’m still unsure of how much she told her.

“She told me she’s visiting her mother and we’re also having problems right now.” I stated. I’m lying to my mother. I’m too old for that shit now it would be pointless.

“Well about what? It must be serious for her to just up and leave with Laylani. I haven’t seen my grandbaby and I was worried I called her yesterday.”

“The night she left she found out that I had another child…”

“I got another grandchild and you didn’t tell me?” She interrupted me before I could finish. I would too if I was her.

“Naw it’s just I wanted to find the right time to tell you. I never wanted to keep this from you.”

“So how old are they?” She said excitedly. I didn’t want to crush her excitement  but she needs to know the truth. I dropped my head down and ran my hands down my face.

“Well he would be around the same age as Laylani. But there were some complications and he passed away shortly after he was born.” A single tear flowed down my cheek. That was the first time I had said it out loud. I wish I could’ve been there for her. It might have been different. Even though Chitta told me not to blame myself for this but it was difficult.

“Michael what did you just say to me?” To say she was shocked would be an understatement. My eyes started to blur.

“His name was Khalil he was stillborn Ma. I just found out about it two weeks ago. Gianna over here mad and what not she doesn’t even know the whole story.” I shook my head. Gianna had no idea what I was going through. I felt like I failed as a man for not stepping up and taking care of my children. I just feel like a fucked up individual and can’t believe that Chitta had to go through that shit all on her own.

“I’ll give Gianna another call later on. You and her have a lot to talk about. It’s about time she comes home.” She hugged me and rubbed my head to console me. Even though she’s my mom I still felt like a bitch for crying in front of her like this. At least it’s her and not anyone else. I can always depend on her to be there for me. I used to think that as long as I loved my mom I didn’t have to love another woman. I grew up fucked around and fell in love with two.

Still might be…