Chapter Nineteen

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I sat by the window, watching the raindrops hit the glass and running off it, each one racing another. In my hands, I held The Tales from the SMP again, but I haven't opened the cover yet. It was strangely comforting, just holding it in my hands. It was like there was a connection between me and the book, and I knew that it sounded crazy but it was the only way I could describe it. 

My mind wandered back to my last conversation with Tommy, a memory that had been eating away at the back of my brain for the last two days. If it really was the last conversation that I would ever have with him, I didn't want him to die, hating me. I grimaced. I just had to make sure he wouldn't die.

I sighed, hugging the book to my chest, as if asking it what to do. Strangely, I felt the book whispering advice to me. I put the book down. I had to be going crazy. 

I wandered to the kitchen where George was making a sandwich. I crept up behind him and stole a piece of ham, not so sneakily. George turned around.

"Hey!" He shouted at me. "That was for my sandwich!"

I made a face. "Ham? You basic ass bitch." I dodged an attack from him as he lunged at me with the butter knife. I laughed as he chased me up the stairs. I almost crashed into Sapnap as I looked behind me to see if George was catching up. Of course, he was already out of breath. I could barely breathe as laughter overtook me, my body shaking uncontrollably. I leaned on Sapnap for support as I could feel George glaring at me. 

"What happened?" Sapnap asked, clearly amused. George answered as it was clear that I was in no state to talk. 

"I was downstairs in the kitchen making a sandwich and then she came up behind me and stole a piece of ham! She then proceeded to criticize me for making a ham sandwich." He gave me another glare. Sapnap burst out in laughter too, making me laugh even harder. 

"That's it? Oh god I thought she burned all of your clothes or something!" He said. 

After me and Sapnap's laughs died down, all three of us went back down into the kitchen, where I made George his sandwich, as some form of apology, which he accepted happily. After joking around with them both, I went back upstairs and decided to go to sleep without any dinner, since I was so tired. I slumped down onto the bed and easily fell asleep after a couple minutes. 

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My eyes opened with a jolt as someone shook me awake.  I tried to bury my head in the covers, but instead, I felt the corner of something hard jabbing itself into my chin. I sat up in confusion and found myself, not in the dark room of Dream's, but in the library, hugging a book close to me as a teddy. Not just any book. Tales from the SMP. My breathing grew uneven as I looked up to see Dream looking at me concerned.

"How did I get here? I'm sure I went to sleep in your room." I asked. 

"You were sleep walking. At first I thought you were going to use the bathroom but you walked straight out of the room and I got concerned, thinking you were about to escape or something." Dream explained. "But you didn't even go downstairs. You came here, picked up the book and sat down. I tried to talk to you but you didn't answer and that's when I realized that you were asleep." 

"I came in here and picked up this exact book?" I asked, worry and fear bubbling up inside of me, along with something else that I couldn't make out. 

"First try as well. If it wasn't weird then it would've been pretty impressive." 

I looked at the book that I was holding. From the cover, it just looked like a normal book, but I knew that there has to be more to it. There was something else too, something that I would never voice out loud. Every time I look at it, every time I touch it, there's a voice in my head, a voice that I know is not mine. And it just keeps screaming at me to open the book but I keep fighting against it. After all, you had to be crazy if you took demands from a book. 

But, then again, you had to be crazy be able to hear voices from a book. 

"Hey, are you alright?" I was pulled away from my thoughts as Dream placed his hand on my shoulder, his thumb rubbing small, comforting circles on my back. I nodded but I could tell that my face was betraying my answer. I was not alright. 

"You know, I wouldn't stress too much over it. Maybe it's just a coincidence that you picked up this particular book." Dream says.

"Yeah." I said, trying to convince myself that he was right. "Yeah, you're probably right." I stood up, placing the book on the shelf, this time a different shelf, and followed Dream back to his room. I didn't get much rest for the rest of the night, sleep weaving in and out. The sun was just beginning to rise when Dream woke up. I just laid there, eyes wide open, the lack of sleep evidential on my face. He yawned and saw me wide awake. 

"Please tell me you didn't just lay there for all that time." He said, his morning voice raspy and deep. I didn't answer him, just laying there, staring at the ceiling. 

"Y/n, come on, you can't be losing sleep over this. Sometimes people sleepwalk, it's pretty normal." 

I got out of the bed suddenly, and walked to the door. Dream sat up. 

"Where are you going?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Anywhere." I said. "I just have to do something, anything, just to get my mind off of it."

"But it's literally the crack of dawn."

I shrugged. "So?"

He didn't say anything for a while. I decided that I didn't want to wait for his answer so I turned to leave.

"Wait" 

I turned back round. "What?" 

"You need to get this off your mind right?" He said. "I know the perfect place to go." 

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Thirty minutes later, we were sitting side by side on a hill, watching the sunrise. We also had a view of the river below us and the scene as a whole was postcard-perfect. It's weird to think that places like this still exist so close to two countries in the middle of a war. 

Neither of us were saying anything, just watching how the sky was splashed with pink and orange clouds and feeling how the breeze in our hair was just right. I looked at Dream, studying his face. He felt my gaze on him and turned his head to face me. 

"Why?" I asked, speaking softly.

"Why what?"

"Why would you start wars and hurt people when you can have this?" I looked back to the sunrise. "When you can have peace?" 

"Because peace is only temporary. Us humans are too naïve to live in peace. And the very few that do are outnumbered by the rest." I could still feel his gaze on me. "In human life, you will find no permanent peace."

I turned to look at him again. I realized how dangerously close his face was to mine. 

"Then I guess we should enjoy it while it lasts, right?" I said, softly. Dream reached his hand out and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I put my hand over his and put my head on his shoulder, holding onto his hand. Dream seemed hesitant at first but then put his head on mine. We sat there for a moment in silence. Then, Dream spoke up. 

"I'm not a bad person you know." He whispers, just loud enough for me to hear, as if he didn't want the wind to carry his confession and spreading it to the people of the kingdom. "I know that I'm not the best, but I'm not bad. I do what I do, not because I'm a bad person, but because the world has been cruel to me and I just had to learn how to adjust. I lost my family in that fire, you know." I nod. 

"And you don't want that to happen again, to your friends. So you make yourself powerful and feared, so people would be too scared to try anything." I said softly. 

"Out here, you're either predator or prey. And I would rather live being feared than living in fear."

I didn't say anything but he knows that I understood. 

After all, it was a cruel world out there.

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