Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Chapter Two

Dear Diary 

August 29th, 2012

I was dreading everything about today. I was terrified that my cancer would come back, and I would only know that by the results the doctor would give me. I was anxious and nauseous from all the worrying I had been doing lately. I used to be scared of doctors and that fear hasn't gone away for 10 years. I had dealt with doctor after doctor but being around them has never gotten comfortable. I was never going to get used to this.

I tried to push those negative thoughts from my mind, but I couldn't seem to make them go away. I shivered as a cold gust went down my spine and I pulled my hair up not caring about my appearance at all today. I slipped on sweatpants and a jacket to keep me warm. I grabbed my bag and headed down the stairs into the kitchen. Matt was there waiting for me sitting at the counter burning a hole in the back of my head as I went into the fridge and took out a yogurt.

Mom was cleaning and washing dishes pouring herself, her thoughts, and her feelings into it. Then she looked up at me emotionless like she poured them down the drain. I swallowed what seemed to be a lot of fear. "Matty, are you coming?" I heard the screech from him sliding his chair and then he was right behind me.

"Of course." Matty pulled me into his chest, and I buried my face into his chest. "Hey. It's going to be alright sis." I pulled away from his grasp and put my feet in my shoes before going outside. The air smelt fresh, and I hung my head feeling the wind in my hair. "Darcy..." He was about to say more but Mom cut him off.

"We have to get going love." I got in the back seat of the car letting Matt have the front. The music coming from the radio speakers let me take my mind off things for a few minutes at least, Matt opened the car door for me and that was the only way I found out that we were there.

"Matty..." He knew how scared I was from how my voice quivered, how I almost tripped getting out of the car and how I held onto him as tight as I possibly could. Then a familiar hand rested on my shoulder. "Tristan?" I looked from him to Matt and Matt smiled lightly. All the guys knew my secret, and they all kept that secret with their life.

"Thought you could another person to lean on." Matt told me and I mouthed thank you as we walked into the building. Mom went up to the table as we sat down in the waiting room and waited for my name to be called. I rested my head against Tristan's shoulder, and he shifted to make me more comfortable.

I found myself thinking about what it would be like to kiss him, touch him and have him love me as something other than like a sister, but I didn't know if I could love him as more then a brother. I wanted to run my hand through his black hair and see into his big brown eyes. Then I snapped myself out of it, I would not think about him in that sort of way, we could never be anything more than friends and I knew that.

"Sis..." I heard Matt but I didn't want to, him saying my name like that meant the doctor was ready to see me and I didn't want to see the doctor, not now, not ever. Tristan felt me tense and put an arm around my shoulder. I didn't want to go in but with Tristan and Matt beside me I could get through anything.

The nurse left and we were alone once again. The room smelt like disinfectant like every doctor's office did, it's what made them all seem the same. Most of the walls were in the hospital were painted beige with a white trim. I knew there was a small chance that my cancer would come back but that small chance made fear take over my body. My worst fear was that my cancer would come back, after four years of being in remission my worst fear was being sick again, being in the hospital again.