Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Dear Diary

January, 10th 2013

I woke up today knowing what I needed to do so I climbed out of bed and pulled out the bag of scrapbook supplies that I his. I had three to make and a photo album to put together in a short amount of time, because I don't know how much time I'll have without anyone with me. I wanted it to be a surprise. I started on Matt's first and sorted through photos, there were so many from the time I was born until now. I found a picture of Matt and I in the couch. He was one and I was a newborn.

I pasted it on the page and labelled it, 'together from the start.' By the time school would have been out I had started looking through pictures for Skye's photo album. "Hello." A voice said and before I could see who it was strong hands covered my eyes. "Guess who?"

"I know it's you Nathan." His hands went away an he sat down so I was sitting in between his legs and his arms were around my waist. I kept flipping through pictures and then I found another baby picture. Nathan got his hands on it and pulled it from my grasp laughing.

"You were such a chubby baby." I elbowed him in the stomach and he made a fake hurt sound. "Chubby but cute." I turned around fast and held onto his shoulders. We both fell to the ground and I landed on top of him. "Hi, having fun?" I smiled brightly and nodded.

"Yup!" I kissed him and his hands trailed up my back. It made me feel all tingly but in a good way, and then he lifted me and set me down on the bed so I was under him. I could feel him struggling not to go any further then just kissing and then he pulled away panting. We were both struggling for breath.

"Sorry... Sorry." He said and then pushed me further back onto the bed. Then he kissed me. I ran my hand through his hair and I could feel my heart beating throughout my whole body. Nathan pulled away again and rolled over so that he was lying beside me on the bed. "We can't go any further baby girl, Matt and Tristan are home and if we don't stop now I'm not sure if I'll be able to." He touched my cheek with his rough hand and I turned onto him, laying my head on his chest.

"Let's go eat." I said and Nathan jumped up. He must have been hungry and then he held out his hands to me helping me up. From the kitchen we both took a piece of pizza and then went outside in the snow. We sat there in silence, every once and a while taking a glance at one another and then I grabbed his pizza and ran. Nathan chased after me and every time he gained on me I ran faster. Then he caught me by the waist from behind and spun me around.

"Got you." Nathan whispered in my ear and I could feel his warm breath as he spoke. Both pieces of pizza dropped as I turned around in his arms. Nathan's eyes were brimmed with tears but I wasn't sure if that was from the cold or if he was sad. "I don't want you to go." Just like me he couldn't say the word die out loud. I hugged him as tight as I could and I know it took everything inside him not to break right there and then.

"I'll always be with you Nate." I mumbled and he lifted me higher so my feet weren't touching the ground. "I love you." I just felt like saying that was necessary. "I love you." I repeated myself and then I kissed his neck.

"Marry me." He said. "Marry me please. I want you to be mine." Nathan looked into my eyes and I searched his. He meant it, he really wanted us to get married before I died, I just thought I would die engaged to him. That's what he wanted, how could I say no? I nodded quickly and he spun me around again. "I'll set it all up don't you worry." The sad look he had on his face earlier was gone and replaced with a smile. I loved making him happy.

Later Ciara and Reese came, and we were all sitting around the living room sharing memories, happy memories. "I remember when we were younger..." Matt started and then he looked over at me. "...and Tristan climbed that big tree in the backyard because he wanted the birds nest. Then he fell and Mom had to take him to the hospital. I think they still tell that story to the nurses."

"I remember that. It was a robin's nest and when I fell one of the eggs broke on my head. It wasn't one of my brightest ideas." I laughed and leaned more on Nathan. I didn't have any stories I wanted to share, my favorite ones were always sad, they were the ones where Matt held me until I fell asleep or held me when I cried. I drifted into my own world where no one else existed and pictured in my mind every minute Matt and I had spent together. I was leaving and I didn't want to. I put my head sideways into Nathan's shoulder covering the fact that I was crying. "Darcy..." I looked up at Nathan wondering if it was him who said my name but it wasn't.

"Baby girl are you ok?" Nathan asked and I looked around the room at all the eyes that were on me. Everyone was staring at me and watching the tears go down my face. I broke out of Nathan's grasp and ran up into my bedroom sobbing. I slammed the door shut and threw everything off my bureau. I sunk against the wall and screamed, feeling so frustrated. I wanted to fight and I needed to fight, but I can't. "Darcy let me in!" Nathan yelled and then I heard banging on the door. "Crap." He said but then it opened. I forgot about Tristan's handy lock picking skills, I thought to myself.

But it wasn't Tristan who came in, it was Nathan and he sat down beside me and pulled me onto his lap. I just cried into him, and I noticed he was crying too when I heard him sniffle. After a while he laid me down in bed and put the covers over me. I watched him as he pulled off his jeans and then he slipped in under the covers too. "Are you alright?" I nodded and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Ok."

There was a knock on the door and Nathan and I separated a little bit. Mom came in with a semi smile on her face and the phone in her left hand. "Nathan sweetheart, that was your father on the phone. He wants you to go home, something about a family discussion." Nathan looked over at me and I pecked his lips.

"It's ok, I'll see you tomorrow." I said and awkwardly he pulled on his jeans. Then he raced out of my bedroom and then Mom walked out of my bedroom too. "Mom, can you ask Matt to come in?" Tristan peeked his head in and had a confused look on his face, probably wondering why I had just called him Mom.

"I'm not Mom, but ok... Hey M-" He said opening the door and I caught a glimpse of Matt and Troian making out on his bed. Tristan quickly shut it, and turned around awkwardly. "Sorry! You should have put a 'do not disturb' sign on the door." I laughed and covered my mouth with the blanket when Matt came out doing up his pants.

"Dude seriously? What do you want?!" He yelled but whispered at the same time and I laughed making them both look at me.

"Darcy wanted you to go in with her, but I can see now that you're a little busy." Matt looked over at me and I just smiled and gave small wave. I couldn't help but burst out laughing again.

"Darcy, I'll be in, in a second." Matt said and then disappeared into his room. Tristan kept himself together until then and then doubled over laughing.

"Oh man I can't believe I did that." I rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom. I knew I'd have trouble sleeping tonight so I swallowed one pill to keep me out for the night. When I went back in Matt was there waiting for me, lying on my bed. I got in beside him and laid on him just like old times. "I'm going to miss you so much Matty. I don't want to go; I want to stay here with you. I don't want to die." I found myself crying again.

"I don't want you to go either sis." Matt held me closer and I could feel his tears drop on the bare skin of my shoulder. "I don't want my baby sister to die. I'd die if it meant you lived. I'm not ready to let you go and yet I'm still going to have to." We comforted one another, and held each other, until we both fell asleep.

Sometime in the night, I heard rocks being thrown at my window. I moved away from Matt slowly and climbed out of bed. I walked to my window and saw Nathan passing below. I opened the window and climbed down the side of the house.

"What do you think your doing?" Nathan whispered. "You could kill yourself." His hands grabbed my waist and helped me to the ground. I turned in his grip and kissed him. He pushed me up against the house keeping his hands on my waist but I couldn't control myself. I opened his jacket and pulled his shirt out of his pants, putting my hands onto his bare skin, but he pulled away.

"Darcy there's a reason I'm here." he sighed and I knew then there was something wrong, because if there wasn't he wouldn't have come.

"What's wrong Nathan?" I asked and he took a deep breath, it was something bad, I could just tell.

"My Dad doesn't want us to get married, he doesn't approve and I don't know what to do."