Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Dear Diary

February 4th, 2013

I got out of bed and looked around the dull room. The hospital gown was starting to become uncomfortable so I changed into my pajamas and put on my slippers. It was about 8 in the morning and visiting hours we're for another hour. I had been here for a few days, the doctor wanted me here because he knew I was getting down to about my last week or two, maybe even my last days.

Nathan knew it too, I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me. I told him to go home last night and he listened but I knew he didn't want to. Matt, Nathan and Tristan all got exempt from exams, the principal knew the situation so he went to the school board. Nathan was happy about that, he wanted to spend as much time with me as he could. I think in a little while it's going to be hard not to let him stay with me.

I placed my wig on my head, not sure if it was on right because I couldn't find a mirror. I walked down to the cafeteria, and got something to eat, just so I could tell Matt and Nathan that I ate something without lying. When I felt I was done I walked up the stairs back over to the cancer ward.

"Darcy!" I heard Nathan's voice yell from the opposite direction and I turned around to be pulled into a hug. Nathan sobbed into my chest and I just held onto him not knowing what was wrong. "When I saw the empty made bed, I thought... I thought... I didn't get a chance to say goodbye." I took old of his shirt in my fists and I kissed the nape of his neck. "Darcy don't scare me like that." He huffed.

He was like a little kid again. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry Nate, I'm right here." I held in cheeks in the palms of my hands and looked into his blue eyes that I adored. I kissed his lips lightly but passionately, and Nathan sniffled.

"Happy birthday." He muttered and hugged me again as my mind started to wander. It's my birthday? I thought to myself. The time seemed to be something that I just wasn't keeping track of. "I love you."

"It's February 4th?" I asked dumbfounded and astonished. Nathan nodded and I lifted my hand to wipe away his tears with my sleeve. "I'm sorry I scared you. I love you too Nathan." We walked back to the room and when I sat down on the bed he knelt down in front of me. He put his hands on my thighs and looked up at me lovingly. "I'm so sorry about all of this, I'm hurting you and I don't want to."

Nathan pushed me down on the bed and then went around to the other side. "I'm not going to leave you, so don't even try alright?" Nathan said sternly and then he laid down beside me. He sighed and then pulled me onto him. "I'm sorry, I just, I'm not leaving you."

"I'm sorry, I know..." I laid my head back on his chest and took a deep breathe. Everything seemed perfect apart from the fact that I was lying in a hospital bed with only a few weeks left. I felt my eyes close and I let myself fall back to sleep in the safe place of Nathan's arms.

I woke up hearing voices around me and Nathan was no longer in bed with me. "You should give it to her." I heard and I opened my eyes slowly and waited for them to focus. Nathan and Matt were standing in the room beside the door. Matt was holding a piece of paper and Nathan was in his pyjamas, with bed hair. Seeing him just made me smile.

"Give me what?" My voice sounded groggy and raspy and both their heads turned. Matt was the first to walk over to me and then he laid the paper down on the bed. The bold writing on the top gave it away, DAYPASS. It made me feel excited inside but I was too tired to show it. "Thanks so much you guys!" I said trying my best to look as happy as possible. "A day out of here would be great." Matt was smiling at me but Nathan looked unconvinced that I was feeling ok enough to leave, even if it just was for a day.

I pulled myself out of bed and Matt handed me a sweater. We were just about to leave when Nathan stepped in front of me and held me back. "We don't have to go if you're not up for it, or we can just go to the house." He suggested and I looked over his shoulder at Tristan and Matt in the hall. "Darcy, we don't have to go."

"I know we don't have to Nate, it's just, I really need to get out of here and I don't want to disappoint Matt, I know he has something planned. I want to go. I'll tell you if I'm not ok, I promise." Nathan put his arms around me, hugging me close to his chest, and then he kissed my forehead. "Let's go."

I realized it had been days since I had seen Tristan and when he saw me he hugged me. "Happy birthday..." He murmured into my shoulder and then let me go. "Are you alright?" He asked and I just nodded. Mom was standing in the hallway talking to the doctor, she looked... I don't know how to explain it, her hair was up, and she was wearing an old cardigan I hadn't seen in ages. I started wondering why she wasn't at work.

We headed down the stairs, to the first floor and as we went down the hall the people who passed stared. I put my hood up and buried myself further into Nathan's side. I heard him sigh under his breath and then we made our way into the cold. I was about to get into the car when Matt's hand grabbed mine. "I didn't get the chance to say this so happy birthday sis." I gave him a smile and then got in the back seat in the middle of Matt and Nathan.

"I'm going to blindfold you alright?" Nathan said and then I felt a piece of fabric cover my eyes. I couldn't see anything and it was strange. Nathan helped me out of the car and then lead me up what I thought to be a driveway. "Watch your step." Nathan said as he opened up the door. There was complete silence and then I felt him undoing the knot of the blindfold.

People everywhere that's what I saw. Skye, Ciara, Reese, Dylan and many more. I didn't even know I had that many friends. Some were family, a few aunts and uncles and the younger cousins. Ciara and Skye ran up to me and pulled me into a hug. "I'm going to miss you so much." Skye said already crying, it made me cry.

Nathan's hand ran up my back and then we all let go. I didn't feel the need to wipe away my tears because I knew I was going to cry more. "Hey Dylan." I said going over to him. Dylan was someone I had never seen cry, he was one of those guys you couldn't even imagine crying. Yet there he was, with tear filled eyes. "I thought you out of all people would be a rock." I play punched his arm and he gave me a serious look.

"Please don't joke Darcy." He said his voice starting to crack and then he bit his lip. "I never thought I'd say this... But I'm going to miss you Darcy." Dylan forced himself to smile.

"Now look who's joking." I slowly made my way through the crowd, shedding more tears then I ever thought possible. I cried because I knew it would be the last time I would ever see many of these people. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave the ones I loved. I looked back at Nathan, I could tell he was trying to keep the smile he had on his face.

"Happy birthday little Darc you're finally 18!" I didn't need to look at who was behind me, there was only one person who called me that. Reese picked me up from behind and spun me around. "Alright everyone enough crying everyone. Lets get this party started!" He yelled and everyone around us just laughed. 'Thank you' I mouthed and Reese just winked as a reply.

Then the lights went dim and Matt came walking out of the kitchen with a cake in his hands. Nathan came up behind me and put his arms around my waist, as if he was holding me up. I leaned back into him and whispered in his ear. "Help me blow them out?" Nathan and I blew out the candles.

"Happy birthday baby girl." Nathan said and turned me around in his arms so he could kiss me. His tongue slid into my mouth and then I felt Nathan move away from me slowly.

"Get a room you two, get a room." Dylan said and patted Nathan on the back. Mom got everyone to sit down at the table to eat the cake and have some chilli. Everyone was talking and laughing and the guys kept telling weird jokes. I tried to eat, but with every bite I felt sicker and sicker and I knew Nathan was starting to notice that something was wrong.

"Darcy, don't eat anymore if you don't feel good." He put his hand gently on my leg and then his forehead on my shoulder. He was nervous, he felt I was going to die right this second, and I felt bad because I was scaring him. Nathan lifted his head and kissed my forehead. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Thank you for today." My voice sounded small and quite and I knew right away that no one else heard me but Nathan. Nathan joined back in on the guys conversation and I just sat there holding onto his hand. Part of me wished it was just us to spend alone time together. I knew I didn't have much time left.

When everyone was finally done eating we all went into the living room. People were telling stories and having a few laughs. I was sitting on Nathan's lap and then all the sudden I just started coughing, and this time I just couldn't stop. "Excuse me." I barely got out and made my way to the bathroom. I knew Nathan was right behind me. He held me until it was all over, and then he helped me get into my pyjamas before tucking me in bed.

Nathan went out to tell everyone I had gone to bed and then Matt came into my room. He just got in beside me like we always used to do and then I put my head down on his chest. "I'm sorry I'm breaking my promise Matty." I promised him I would live and now I know I'm not going to keeping that promise.

"It's alright, go to sleep sis." I felt guilt, and it was making it hard for me to close my eyes and sleep. I knew there was a chance that I wouldn't wake up and that was scary. I just closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. After a while of pretending I guess I just fell asleep.