Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Chapter Twenty-Four

Dear Diary

December 4th, 2012

I know I should be thinking that I am getting better and that everything is going to be ok, but I can't help but worry. I get results back today and I don't know what I'm going to do if my cancer has progressed to level four. Even thinking about it makes me feel sick. I looked over at the clock and saw the bright red numbers. It was a little past three in the morning and I hadn't got a minute of sleep.

I climbed out of bed and tiptoed over to Matt's door. When I opened it all I saw was a made bed, then I remembered how he went to Troian's last night. I tapped my foot against the floor and thought about going into Tristan's room. I just couldn't be alone, and I felt like I needed someone with me so I could fall asleep.

I knocked first but didn't get an answer so I just opened up the door. Tristan was laying down on his side facing me, and how the moonlight came in the window he looked five again. I knelt down and poked his shoulder. "Tristan?" I said quietly but he didn't budge so I shook him lightly. "Tristan, wake up."

"Darcy?" He asked opening his eyes and then he sat up. "What's wrong? Are you ok?" He asked and put one of his hands on my forehead. "You don't have a fever." He wasn't even giving me the chance to reply and tell him what was going on.

"I just... I just... Can I stay in here?" I blurted and watched Tristan's worried look turn into a smile. "Matt's not here and I don't really want to be... Alone." I murmured, and Tristan moved over in his bed. I hesitated at first but then I got in and Tristan covered me with a warm blanket. I could feel his hand on my back and then his arm slid around my waist, as I had the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.

Did I want to get married? Was it fair to Nathan if I felt like that towards Tristan? Was I just kidding myself when I told Nathan I didn't have feelings for him? I shook all those thoughts out of my head. I love Nathan and only Nathan, not Tristan. My head felt like it was spinning with questions that I couldn't seem to get rid of. Why was I feeling that way? All I wanted to do was sleep.

I closed my eyes and tried to ignore Tristan's arm that was over me. I looked at the ring on my finger as a tear slipped down my cheek. That is what I wanted... To be Nathan's for the rest of my life. Even though the rest of my life might not be a long time. Did Nathan really want to marry me? Or did he feel obligated because I'm dying? Everything was so complicated, and I didn't want it to be. My cancer made everything complicated.

I felt so lost, and all I wanted was for someone to tell me what to do because I had no idea. I am in love with Nathan, not with Tristan. Then why do I keep feeling like that? What was I going to do? I lifted his arm off me carefully and slid out of bed making sure not to wake him up. I grabbed my phone from my bureau and hoped that I dialled the right number.

"Why the heck are you calling me at 4 in the morning?" Skye asked sleepily. "Hold on two seconds." She said and then I walked down the stairs. "Ok so what's up? You better have a good reason for waking me up."

"Nathan proposed." I said and then I heard a loud shriek and I pulled the phone away from my ear. "Are you alright?" I asked holding back laughter. Then I someone's voice in the background.

"Ya I just... You know, woke the entire house up. But on a different note... When? How? And why don't you sound happy about it?" Skye said faster then I could understand. "You said yes right?" She sounded frantic.

"Yes I said yes, it's just... What if this isn't what he wants? What if it's not what I want? I mean... I just don't know anymore. I love him I know I do... I just don't want to break his heart." There were a million tears streaming down my face. I knew that saying no to Nathan would break my heart and maybe even his.

"Darcy if it wasn't what he wanted then why would he of asked? And don't say it's because your sick because he doesn't care about that... Well he does... You know what I mean. It doesn't matter if your married or not married you dying will still break his heart." I knew what she was saying was true and I laid back on the couch. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Ya... Thanks Skye." I hung up and took the blanket from the back of the chair, but I still couldn't get to sleep. I was still scared for the results, maybe even terrified and no matter what I did I couldn't stop worrying. So I put earphones in my ears and turned on my music trying my best to take my mind off it.

I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. "Darcy? Are you ok?" Tristan asked coming up behind me and I quickly nodded. He turned on the light and I took a sip of water from the glass. "H-have you been crying?" His hand touched my cheek as he spoke and his thumb slid down just like the tears had. "De?"

"I-I... I don't want to die." I began crying again, but this time the reason was different. It was because I was scared to die, I had always told myself I wasn't scared, of dying that is. Although that's a lie, I am scared, I'm scared to leave the ones I love. Tristan pulled me into a hug and I held onto him.

"It's going to be ok, I know you don't think it will be, but it will, you will beat this. You're so strong De, you're the strongest person, girl, I know." We just stood there holding onto each other for a while and then Matt came in the front door tiptoeing. I let go of Tristan and wiped my eyes with my sleeves.

"Where have you been mister!" I asked sounding like a parent and Matt jumped around not knowing we were both watching him.

"Ya we were worried sick about you." Tristan said taking my lead and Matt just crossed his arms not looking impressed.

"First of all, I'm older then both of you, and second you two scared the living daylights put of me. I was just at Troian's so don't get your panties in a twist." Tristan and I both laughed a little at his comment and then I went up and ruffled his hair.

"Awe little Matt's all grown up." Then Matt flipped me over his shoulder and carried me right out of door into the snow. I screamed and kicked but he was too strong for me.

"Do you want to go in pool." I hit his back over and over again until he finally put me down. "I wasn't actually going to throw you in Darcy, I'm not that mean." I scrunched my nose and fixed the placement of the wig on my head as I walked inside.

"Well I am!" I yelled and pushed him backwards into the freezing cold water and ran inside closing the back door locking Matt outside. "Tristan lock the front door!" I said and watched him run.

"Nice try guys." I frowned when Matt walked in holding the spare key. Ah, the things that go on in this house at 6 in the morning. "Well I'm going to take a shower because I think there was something living in that water." He trudged up the stairs leaving a puddle of water behind him. Tristan and I just looked at each other smiling like idiots.