Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Chapter Ten

Dear Diary

September 28th, 2012

I woke up and got dressed for school, I put on jeans and a short sleeve flowery shirt, I didn't want to go but I knew I had to because even after everything that was going on I still wanted to graduate. I wanted to have a future and I was going to have a future. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up other then a Mom. I've known I've wanted to be a Mom ever since I was 14 years old.

I did my make up and downstairs I grabbed a banana to eat, I didn't feel like eating much else. "Hey sis." Matt said joining me and he took a pancake out of the fridge and shoved it in his mouth. Then he grabbed the syrup bottle and poured some in his mouth.

"That's so gross Matty." I said and slapped his arm. Then he opened his mouth and showed me his chewed up food. Tristan laughed and I on the other hand pretended to gag.

We ended up getting to school late and I kept my head down after I handed my teacher the late slip. I sat in the back in my usual seat beside Ethan and he nudged my shoulder. "Nathan told me to tell you that he isn't at school today." I nodded and yawned. "Wow I thought you would be mopping. Are you ok?"

"Ya I'm just really tired. Sleep seems impossible lately, I always have to much on my mind, and when I'm not thinking, I'm throwing up." I explained and Ethan just nodded completely understanding what I was going through.

"Maybe you should go home get some rest." He suggested and I shrugged. I wanted to make it through the day, it seemed as if I had missed so much school lately and I didn't want to miss more. Then again I was so tired all I want to do is sleep.

I made it through the morning and when the bell rang to go to lunch I went and found Matt. I didn't want to be at school anymore, every second I was trying to keep my eyes open. When I saw him in the hall I grabbed his arm and pulled him off to the side, so on one could hear our conversation. I didn't need any rumours being spread. "You look so tired Darcy, if you want I'll take you home." He offered but I shook my head.

"No it's ok, just give me your keys, I'll drive myself home." Matt didn't fight with me even though I could tell by the expression on his face that he wanted to. "I'll see you at home." I said and went out the front door without signing out. I hoped in the car and drove home trying to keep my eyes open so I turned on the radio.

I parked in the driveway and unlocked the front door, knowing no one would be home and that I wanted to sleep. I almost didn't notice that my phone was vibrating in my pocket and I looked at it seeing Nathan's name pop up. He wasn't at school but I knew there was nothing wrong. I read it quickly and felt a little faint as I tried to focus my eyes.

Come upstairs.

-Nate

It read and I turned towards the stairs and found Nathan waiting for me sitting at the top. I walked slowly up to him and he met me at the center. He took my hands and then caressed my cheek with the palm of his hand.

"I have something to show you." He whispered and then began to pull me up the stairs. Nathan opened my bedroom door and I was mesmerized when I saw the lights along the walls and the candles placed variously around the room. I took in my surroundings and I got watery eyes, no one had ever done something like that for me. Suddenly I wasn't all that tired anymore, I felt like I had more energy then I did when I woke up this morning.

Nathan reached backwards and pressed play on the docking station. The music started and I recognized the song, it was Daylight by Maroon 5. It didn't give me the chance to tell him how much I liked what he had done or the chance to tell him I loved him. It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me. I was in love with the sweetest guy anyone could ask for. After taking my hand he spun me around under his arm and then we danced until suddenly we were kissing. When he laughed I laughed and when I laughed he laughed. I felt so happy.

After a while we ended up just lying in bed. I laid on his chest as he traced the cursive forever that was tattooed on my shoulder. My breathing was heavy and I felt a pain in my heart.

I knew what it was, it was me realizing that I didn't want to leave, that I didn't want to die because dying meant leaving him. Leaving Nathan. It made me want to just burst into tears but I couldn't because I knew that this was supposed to be our special night. Our happy night, I wasn't going to ruin that. So I sighed and made those feelings go away. I knew this was a moment I had to cherish because I might not get another one.

I felt the heat that radiated off him and I felt his hand playing with my hair, but I wasn't sure if he was doing that in his sleep. I knew that soon I wouldn't have any hair for him to run his hands through. I still had to tell him I had cancer, that would be harder than telling him I loved him. In his arms was where I belonged not buried six feet under, but at that moment I was thinking about cancer or anything else. I was just thinking about Nathan, his lips, his soft skin, his breath and how perfect he was. It was like nothing else mattered, just that moment.

Him breathing beneath me was soothing, and I concentrated on it, stopping myself from thinking anymore. It was soothing knowing he was here and I knew it would brake my heart if he didn't love me. Falling in love didn't seem as scary as it did before, I was scared for love before because I thought I was going to die. But with Matt, Tristan and Nathan I thought maybe they were worth living for. My body ached and I was sore but that didn't matter. All that mattered was I was there beside him in his arms.

I laid there with my eyes closed but even though I was tired I couldn't seem to fall asleep. There was too much I was thinking about. I felt Nathan move, and I made myself keep my eyes closed. He thought I was asleep so I was going to keep it that way. He somehow got out from under me and I opened my eyes a little watching him put his clothes back on. He didn't notice me watching him and then he kissed my cheek leaving me there in my bedroom all alone. I shivered, and pulled the blankets around my body and because I was in love with him I thought he was going to be there when I woke up.


Beep... Beep... Beep...


That was a sound that was so familiar, I had woke up to it many times. The white walls with blue trim were all too familiar, I knew where I was and I didn't like it. I was in the hospital. The blankets that were over my lap were itchy against my legs. I looked around the room and all I saw was my clothes in the corner of the room. Then I heard someone yelling.

"Where is she?" Nathan's voice pumped. "Reese told me she was here, now where is she?" He sounded upset but I would be upset too if I found out my girlfriend had cancer. Then Matt's voice yelled and he sounded so angry, and Matt was hardly ever angry.

"Why was she alone when I found her? Why would you just leave her there?" There was silence, complete silence and it scared me it was like Matt was hurting Nathan. I ripped off the heart monitor and the IV in my hand, I had done it what seemed like a million times, they were the only things attached to me. Sitting up I felt light headed, a lot worse then what I had yesterday, but I ignored it. "Leave!" Matt screamed and I walked out into the hall. Tristan was sitting in the corner with earphones in his ears trying to block it all out and Matt looked like there was steam coming from his ears.

"Matty." I murmured and Matt and Nathan automatically stopped and stared at me. "Please don't make him leave." I said quietly feeling like I was going to cry. Matt laid a hand on my shoulder and I felt my knees start to buckle but I didn't fall over.

"You need to go back to bed." He said and I looked over at Nathan. His hands were in his pockets and he was staring at the ground. Nathan came over to me and opened his mouth to say something. I stared into his eyes, his sparkling blue eyes.

"He's right Darc." He scooped me up and carried me back into the hospital room sending sparks through my body just by his soft touch. When I was on the bed he put the blankets over me and then took my hand. "I'm so sorry, this is my fault, last night-." He said and I shook my head cutting him off unable to speak for a second.

"No it's not and last night was the best night I've ever had, it was amazing Nate, I don't want you thinking anything less, but I need to tell you something." He stayed silent waiting for me to say something and I took a deep breath preparing myself for the worst. "I- I have cancer." I said but his expression didn't change and I was confused. No ones reaction has ever been that good and that worried me.

"I know." Wait what? He knew, the entire time he knew. "Tristan told me, there was one day, I was shooting hoops, wondering where you were and it told me by accident." Tristan, I thought, I'm going to kill him. "I'm not going to leave you, I promise you Darcy that I will always be here for you." I was surprised and his lips went to mine but our moment didn't last long. Someone cleared their throat at the door and for a second I thought it was going to be Matt but it wasn't.

"Visiting hours are over, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." It was a nurse, wearing blue scrubs. I looked at Nathan and he had the same look on his face as I did. I didn't want him to leave, I didn't want to be alone, I hated being alone.

"Can he stay?" I asked before I realized it came out of my mouth. I noticed the nurse was thinking about it and I read his name tag it said Joel. I have to say he was kind of cute, stubble, nice hair, a nice smile but his eyes had nothing compared to Nathan and Tristan. Since when did I compare guys to Tristan, he's just a friend even though at one time I wanted us to be more.

"Ya sure, but if anyone asks Joel never did anything." I smiled and thanked him. Nathan kicked off his shoes and had me lay on his chest. With him there lying with me it made it easy to fall asleep. When I woke up it was still dark outside and the light in the hospital room was dimmed. Nathan sat does in the chair and took my hand.

His hand brushed across my forehead and I smiled. "Go to sleep you need to rest Darcy. I promise I will still be here when you wake up." I knew he wouldn't leave me so I closed my eyes and slept.