Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Epilogue

Dear Diary

February 4th, 2015

Nathan Flynn

I rolled out of bed at 7 at night and in the bathroom I splashed water on my face. My eyes were blood shot and my face was red. I had stayed in bed all day, just reading every diary entry Darcy wrote up to her... I still can't say it, and it's been two years. I threw a clean shirt over my head and grabbed my phone and keys before heading out the door.

I walked into Molly's Bar, where I worked. I needed to get my mind off things, whether that meant drinking or working. I didn't really care which. "Man I thought I told you not to come to work today, that I was covering your shift." Reese said as he cleaned out some glasses. "You look like crap Nate."

"Thanks for that. I actually came for a drink." Reese opened the cupboard and pulled out a half empty bottle of bourbon. He was about to pour it in a glass but I stopped him. "Can I have the bottle?" Reese just sighed and handed it over. When he walked away I brought it up to my lips. "Happy 20th birthday baby girl." I said to the ceiling.

"Drowning your sorrows?" I heard a voice and I looked to my left to see a girl sitting next to me. I just nodded and took the bottle from me taking a quick gulp before handing it back. "Cheers to that."

"Well I should probably go call a cab, if I don't leave now I'm not sure I ever will." I said and headed towards the door. I didn't want to cry again but I knew that probably wouldn't happen. I felt like I'd been crying everyday for two years.

"Hey bourbon guy, you forgot your phone." She said and as she passed me it back it lit up and she saw the picture of Darcy and I on the lock screen. "Who is she?" She asked playing with her red hair.

"My wife." I said, like I did every time when someone asked me that, even though Darcy and I never got married. Then she looked at both of my hands.

"Then how come you don't have a ring on?" I pulled the chain out from under my shirt showing her my ring. I'd never done that before, no one knew that I had her ring too. They all thought it was buried six feet under with her. "If you don't mind me asking... Why do you have hers?"

"She passed away from cancer a few years back." Her expression completely changed, but it wasn't pity it was sympathy and then she smiled.

"I put my number in there. Call me sometime. You can tell me more about her. I'm Lila." She put out her hand and I shook it. "What's your name?" She asked when I didn't say anything.

"Oh sorry, I'm Nathan." When I got home I dug through the closet and looked for one specific box. I picked up the letter that had my hand written on it in Darcy's hand writing. I finally felt the courage to read it and I sat down in the corner leaning against the wall.

~

Nathan,

I've been sitting here for a while now, wondering what to write and I've rewritten it many times, but thing is I don't want to say goodbye. I don't think I know how to, that's just too painful, so this is me saying, I hope I see you again someday and I love you will all my heart. Maybe even more, if that's possible, you were the one, my one and I will always be with you. You made me want to live and fight and now I want you to live.

I want you to be happy because Nathan you deserve it. You deserve everything life can give you. You're the best guy anyone could ever hope for. You may think that I was the one, but I believe there are multiple ones. You just have to let go, move on, and don't be afraid to open up your heart, or to let love in again.

I now know I am going to die, but know I'm happy, with the way life turned out, I was happy because I had you. I wasn't going to do treatment but then I met you and I had to, you made me feel so alive like nothing could go wrong. Like life was finally worth living. You made me forget I was sick in times I thought that was impossible. I'm so sorry that I kept my cancer a secret from you for so long. I was scared, scared you wouldn't be able to handle it. I didn't think I could handle not being with you.

I remember every moment I spent with you and I don't regret any of it. I remember that day we first meet when you heard me sing. I remember when you caught me when I almost fell out of the tree, I remember when we laid out under the stars and our first date. Our first kiss, my first kiss and our last kiss. I remember the way it made me feel when you first told me you loved me, and then you made love to me and when you asked me to marry you. I remember your reaction when I told you I loved you back.

I love you Nathan and I always will, forever. Promise me you'll move on with life, you'll graduate high school, go for your dreams and shoot for the stars. Promise me that you won't be afraid to fall in love again. It might be hard but it'll get easier. Promise me you won't hold back and maybe I'll see you again, Nathan Flynn.

Love me now, love me never, but if you love me, love me forever.
Nathan I'll love you forever.

Love always,
Darcy

~

I wiped my eyes and picked up her shirt. It still smelt like her and for some reason right then I could picture her, watching over me. She wants me to move on. I picked up my phone and found Lila's phone number. It rang twice before she answered. "Hello?"

"Hi it's Nathan... The guy from the bar. I was wondering if you wanted to go to the coffee shop next Saturday?" I asked for the first time in 3 years.

"Ya I'd love that. I'll meet you there at 10 o'clock." I didn't know if this would go anywhere but it was worth a shot and in my head I could hear Darcy's voice. 'Love me now, love me never, but if you love me, love me forever.'

"I'll always love you Darcy, I promise."

THE END