Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Chapter Twenty-Six

Dear Diary

January 2nd, 2013

As I laid on the hospital bed I thought about how I got here...

Beep... Beep... Beep was all I heard when I woke up in a hospital bed and I had no idea what was going on. Tristan was on one side clutching my hand and Matt was on the other. I ripped my hand out of Tristan's as I saw Tristan's black eye and everything came back to me. The fight with Matt, the kiss, Nathan's birthday, the Nathan and Tristan fighting and Nathan leaving. Everything happened so fast and I guess that's when I passed out. "How long have I been out?" I asked, my voice not sounding like my own and Matt was the first to say something.

"You've been in and out for three days Darc, you had me so scared. I thought I lost you." He sounded like he was holding back tears and then he pulled me into a hug. "I love you, and I'm sorry I fought with you... If that had of been the last thing I said to you... I don't know what I'd do." My eyes trailed over to the door and for a second I thought I saw Nathan but then he disappeared. I convinced myself that I was delusional and hallucinating.

Nathan never called or texted and he didn't answer when I called him. I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened and try to get him back but he wouldn't even reply. He wouldn't give me another chance and I just had to learn to forget about it, even though I wasn't ok with it. I needed him. As much as I don't want to admit the fact that I do but I need him. He keeps me grounded in bad situations and I feel like a part of me left when he did.

By the time Christmas came around I was still suck in the hospital. I felt like a prisoner, and I didn't like it. I wanted to be at home, and to spend Christmas with my family maybe get Nathan to talk to me. I finally convinced my doctor to let me go home just for Christmas. I was granted a two day leeway. I spent most of it in bed, sleeping or lying on the couch. I tried to contact Nathan again but it was hard with my Mom and Matt watching over me 24/7. Tristan and his brother spent Christmas with us and things felt normal for a while, but I knew it would all come to an end. As much as I like having a bigger group with me for Christmas, I found myself needing Nathan more and more.

The two days passed and I was back in that hospital bed. Then the bone marrow transplant came and slowly passed. The thought that someone else's blood was going through my system was extremely weird though I tried not to think about it. Or about Nathan.

And that's how I got here, feeling sick as ever. Waiting for the results to come back was painful. I knew it either helped or it didn't there was no in between. I picked up my phone, using the time that I had alone to try and call Nathan. It went straight to voice mail like it always did and I listened to his voice.

"Hey you've reached Nathan, leave a message and I'll get back to you. Thanks." I took a deep breath and waited for the beep not sure what to say.

"It's me... Nate please let me talk to you, please, I'm sorry." I hung up and sunk back into my pillow. Then my phone rang and I answered it without looking at the caller ID. "Nathan?"

"No, it's me." I knew that voice but it wasn't Nathan and my heart sunk a little.

"Ethan? Hey, what's going on?" For the last month he didn't call me so something must of been really wrong or really good.

"I'm in remission." He said happily and I felt a big smile come across my face. If you could hug through a phone I would.

"That's great... That's amazing! I'm stunned." I didn't know what else to say. There was a long pause before I decided I talk again. "How's Nathan?" I asked sombrely.

"He's... Sulking. I don't know why he just won't talk to you. How are you anyways?" He asked hesitantly.

"I'm... In the hospital actually. I have been for a while..." The door opened and the doctor walked in with a file in his hand. "I have to go, just try and get him to talk to me." I ended the call and tried to think positive.

"Darcy... I'm sorry, it didn't work. The cancer cells were just too strong and the chemotherapy and radiation doesn't seem to be having any effect. We could double the dosage again, but Darcy that would just be prolonging your life. Without the treatment, I'd say by looking at the charts you have around two months left. I'm sorry there's nothing else I can do. I'll give you until the end of the day to decide whether or not you want to continue treatment." He walked out of the room and I grabbed the garbage can heavy my stomach out.