Turbulence

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Yoon Se Ri

As much as my sentiment is true that I probably can't survive three months without him, the second I said that sentence, I wish I could take it back. Jeong Hyeok is lost for words and look at me funny, then he closes his eyes and breathes deeply. His expression after he opens his eyes tells me he doesn't know exactly what to do with my sentiment.

That's when I realize it may sound inappropriate. Considering what we're going through together, I don't think it's weird to get attached to him, but saying something like 'I can't survive without you'... is another level of weird. His brother is my husband, for God sake. However close we are, I shouldn't say something like that. That kind of say could easily be a burden for him too, and could affect his concentration. And I don't want that. I want him safe.

"Forget it, Jeong Hyeok-ah. Today has been an emotional day." I sigh and feel embarrassed. He follows my lead and doesn't say anything, luckily. I need to control myself really. I can't be too emotional. But how? My emotion has been all over the place these past few months. I can't change the way it is overnight.

And I've been depending so much on this guy to anchor myself in this difficult time. Now, I have to walk the path alone. There's so much doubt. I don't know if I can do it. Maybe this is an opportunity for me to find a way to stand on my feet again. Not being a burden for everyone.

"You have everyone to support you, you know. You'll be fine." He says calmly. If only I can have his confidence. "Do you think your brother will let me stay with my parents while you're away?"

He glances at me and I know what he'd say even before he says it. "Okay, okay, I'll talk to him. You're such a nag." He smiles a little at my attempt to joke. It's lame attempt to distract myself from the not-so-fun fact of them leaving. "Why do you all have to go for another mission this fast?"

"I know. It's so unfortunate. Hyung already asked to be spared, you know." Really? Mu Hyeok asked not to go? Hearing that strangely makes me feel better. At least it's not that easy for him to go and leave me behind. I turn to Jeong Hyeok.

"How about you?" He turns towards me, question in his eyes. "Are you excited to go?" We're looking at each other for a few moments then he breaks our contact choosing to stare ahead.

"I won't use the word excited. But... well, believe it or not, this is my first mission. My first time to be in the battlefield. So..." This is the first time he tells me so openly something about himself.

"That beats staying back to take care of me, right?" I obviously tease him but his expression changes to guilty. "Don't talk like that. I'd do it again in a heartbeat." He looks so sincere and I can't help but smile.

"I know." I put my head in his shoulder and close my eyes.

In a classic Jeong Hyeok move, he tries to move my head with his index finger

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In a classic Jeong Hyeok move, he tries to move my head with his index finger. "Are you drunk?" His baritone voice asks me. I want to laugh but I don't. I want to keep my position, relishing the remaining time I still have his shoulder to lean on.

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