Bring Me Home // Bucky Barnes

Chapter LIII - Promise

Bucky sat on the bed staring at his hands. He hadn't moved in hours.

Maybe, he thought, if I sit here long enough the pain will fade. Maybe I will just stop feeling.

His eyes closed and again he was taunted by the images he was sickened by. Her eyes fogging over, the sparks of blue flickering and fading as she stared at him, as she was unable to fight back. The way her lips turned a shade of blue he never wanted to see again. The flecks of green hidden in the warmth of her eyes fading away as her tears spilled.

As the door opened he grunted. It wasn't time for food, Sam had already brought him the untouched plate that sat on the other side of the room. In his mind there was only one other person who it could be; only one other reason anyone had to talk to him in the last few days.

"Seriously Steve," he barked, "just back off. I don't want to hear it again."

She took a deep breath as she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She knew she wasn't alone: Steve and Nat would stand guard outside. Not to protect her, to keep Sam away. She knew she was safe. She wasn't afraid he could hurt her but she was afraid. She was afraid he wouldn't talk to her; that he'd send her away.

He didn't move. He didn't open his eyes. He blocked the world out as he drowned in his despair.

Elizabeth moved slowly as she made her way across the room. Her feet sunk into the soft grey carpet, muffling her footsteps, and she made her way to where he sat hunched over. His back was to her and his shoulders were rounded as they shook slightly. She stopped behind him and reached out tentatively before she pulled her hand back again.

"Hi," she whispered as she crawled onto the bed behind him.

He flinched slightly but he did not move to look at her. His heart was pounding behind his ears and he could feel the blood rushing through his veins as panic took hold. If he looked at her would he see hatred? Or fear?

Slowly, carefully, she wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek against his shoulder blades as silent tears fell from his eyes. He shook with nerves and pain and her heart broke for him as she clung to him. She wanted to soothe him, to tell him it was nothing; that she loved him and she didn't care about what had happened.

"Shh," she whispered against him, holding him tight, "it's okay. It's okay James. I'm right here okay. I'm always going to be here. I've got you. I promise."

She soothed him gently, holding him close until he pulled away, turning his body to face her, wrapping his arms around her softly and collapsing into her embrace.

"I'm so sorry." He sobbed. "I'm so sorry Lizzie. I love you. I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

All the pain he had been holding onto over the last three days came spilling out of him as she ran her fingers through his hair and he clung to her, holding her tightly against him as he breathed in the familiar smell of her skin. His fingers were gentle, brushing over her arms as he cried and his lips brushed against her shoulder. He needed to feel her safe in his arms. He needed her.

A lifetime seemed to pass as they held each other, crying, and eventually Bucky gently pulled away.

He brushed her hair from her tear soaked face, staring into her eyes and reminding himself to breathe; to focus on those eyes and those eyes only. His fingers traced down her jaw and along her neck. As he took in the purple pattern of fingertips across her skin he recoiled, pulling away from her touch and backing up so that she could no longer touch him.

"Lizzie," his eyes met hers with uncontrolled fear and pain, "I'm sorry - I - I just can't. I don't want to hurt you."

His eyes dropped back to his hands and Lizzie shook with agony.