i h8 u (seriously)

9

Twitter Feed

Isla @eyela

hey guys! no stream today as i have some errands to run :) I hope you all have a good day and stay healthy <3 catch ya tomorrow!

After tweeting to my viewers so they didn't sit around waiting for me to go live, I finally got up from bed and started to get ready for my day. It was okay at first just brushing my teeth, washing my face, and all that hygienic stuff. Then, it got to the point where I had to pick my outfit out for the day. While I don't necessarily care what people think of me, I do tend to over analyze everything and think everyone is staring at me whenever I go out.

It wasn't too hot out today. It was only around 21°C [70°F] which I guess is hot for some people, but I enjoyed it. I decided to wear something that was comfy but also wouldn't make me stand out or draw too much attention to myself. At first that outfit was a pair of baggy shorts and an oversized black band tee, but then I started overthinking the shorts aspect. So I switched the bottoms to a black tennis skirt, then overthought how the shirt looked with it. Next, I threw on just a casual, black crop top. However, the blacks didn't match so I took both off and sat down on the floor, just staring at my open dresser drawers and skewed closet.

[CW (?): panic attack in the next two paragraphs]

"I'm not going, I can't," I whispered to myself, starting to panic. It was early early morning in the states, so I didn't want to wake up any of the people I usually call to calm me down. I don't like to call Tubbo or Tommy when I'm panicking because they're unsure on how to help and I don't want them feeling like they can't do anything. I never talk to Wilbur about my anxiety really either.

When I realized there was no one I could really call, I started breathing exercises to trick my brain into calming down. It took ten minutes and some tears, but I was finally able to gain control of myself again and get off the floor to try dressing again.

"Maybe a dress?" I quietly asked myself, skimming the closet for all the dresses I had hung up. I picked out a blue dress with yellow flowers on it. Just as I was about to put it on, my phone's iMessage ping went off.

iMessage

+447975557677

hey I have to go to the store to get toilet roll

do you wanna come?

I prefer having someone with me

and you're around

it's not because I like you

obviously

I actually was just going to head out to the store

so I can come pick you up otw

but not because I like you

I too prefer having someone with me

ok cool

glad we're in agreement

about this

but not because we're friends or anything

yeah yeah

I put the dress on, now aware that I was on more of a time limit. I adjusted the neckline and looked in the mirror. I turned my body to observe how I looked in it, but finally felt okay enough to wear this out. It was a more flow-y dress, not too tight on me. It's not that I wasn't confident in my looks and everything; I just felt very out of place when I left my house.