Let Me In || Ticci Toby x Reader

23 || Gift

When Toby and I returned, we both went our separate ways to our own rooms. I unpacked everything I had brought. Finally, the wire hangers in the closet were not bare. An assortment of clothes are now decorating it. I kept the bottle I found hidden in the table drawer. The toiletries I got were organized in a drawer. This place is starting to feel more homely. Though the possessions became mine through theft, it feels nice to have something to call mine.

The day after we got back, Toby had left for most of the day. When he returned, the first thing he did was speak to me. Slenderman was curious about how I did. Apparently, he was pleased. Toby did try and glorify it, saying that I knew the person but killed them anyway withou any hesitation. It was taken quite well. I had proven my loyalty not to society, but to this strange monster and his house of killers. The house of killers that I am now a part of.

For the past few days, Toby has been sneaking me outside. I want to remain anonymous. To be completely honest, the others still make me uncomfortable. I will have to meet them soon, I know that, but I want to hold it off as long as I can. And I want Toby to be there next to me. Just as moral support. And to protect me in case anything goes wrong. It takes a bit of effort, and sometimes we hide in the closet or a spare room if someone walks by. Spending time with him has been fun. He even sneaks a few little kisses on the cheek every once in a while.

I have been uncertain about our relationship thus far. I know I like him. And Toby likes me as far as I know. What confuses me is what it is currently and what we both want it to become. It has been playful so far. Joking, laughing, flirting, and a few sneaky kisses. But no actual conversation about the relationship. No definition. At one point I was worried that it will only be something playful. As days moved on, I just focussed on spending time with Toby. Life is unsure and full of risks. I could be caught and thrown in jail the next time I go out to kill. So, for now, I will just enjoy life. There aren't many rules, and no need to even mention societal conventions. So who cares what my relationship with Toby is? I like just spending time with him and having fun. No need to define it just yet.

Toby and I have mostly just walk around and enjoy the outdoors. The weather has been surprisingly nice. Good job global warming for one thing, at least. The forecast says next week is a snow warning. I imagine that I will be staying cooped up in my room as long as it is too cold to go outside. My exercise routine is easily done inside, but recently Toby has been trying to build up my strength with outside activities as well. I have been throwing knives and axes at trees, help split firewood, and go for runs in the bush. The snow does create some great resistance, similar to running in the water. It has been good bonding.

My sleep schedule is all kinds of messed up. Most days I wake up later in the day, usually after noon, then spend the day with Toby outside. I stay awake late at night and only go to bed after three. Toby usually brings me some food and eats it with me in my room. I suspect he wants to make sure I am actually eating. But the reason does not matter, I just like spending time with him. I do not do much apart from that. There was this one book I have grabbed from the library. It took a while for me to find it. The title is worn off of the hardcover and several pages are missing. But something about it called to me. So far, all I can tell is that it is about a poor man in Russia that contemplates killing someone for money. After killing them, they are sick with guilt, apathy, and self-pity. I often find myself writing notes in the margins and underlining parts I like. When I do read it, I find myself lost in the story. The day goes by fast. When I do put down the book, it always surprises me how much I read.

A knock at my door startles me. Seven knocks, in a funky little tune. That's Toby. I place my book down by the lamp on my bedside table. Toby offered me the lamp when I told him I was reading during the day but had nothing to do when the sun has set. The ceiling light in my room is very dim, so the lamp stops me from straining my eyes. When I open the door, Toby is standing there, looking visibly nervous.

"Hey, I got a fire going in the living room. Wanna join me? No one else will be there."

I nod. Toby's eyes light up. He smiles and grabs my hand.

In the living room, there is a fireplace set ablaze across from the couch. A solid navy blue blanket is lumped on the floor in between the two. Toby leads me over to the blanket and sits us down. He pulls me in, draping the warm fabric over us. His arm is around me and I lean into his side. My knees are tucked and turned towards him. I'm practically sitting in his lap. Dull thuds pick up their pace in my chest, heart thumping against my ribs. I watch the fire dance between logs. A pile of chopped wood is set aside to feed the hungry flames. Heat blasts onto my exposed face. Orange and yellow flames connect to a blue-tinged base, crackling the wood that fuels it.

The world seems to melt away around me. All trivial troubles are far away from me. Seemingly insignificant. I want to remember this moment. The smell of burning wood and Toby's natural earthy scent. The glow dimly lighting the rest of the room, radiating from the fire. Warm, fuzzy blanket and Toby's soft clothes surrounding me from all sides. The occasional twitches and noises of Toby when he tics. And the serene atmosphere cultivated by the efforts of a man no doubt after my own heart. I try to ingrain every part of this into my memory.

"I got something for you." Toby shifts, reaching to grab something from his jeans pocket. I look over to his hand. It is a small tube, cylindrical with a slanted top. He gives it to me to open.

"Thank you." It is lipstick. A neutral-toned lipstick. It has been slightly used, and not a colour that would look good on me. But I do appreciate the gift. Yet one more thing to my name. A little trinket from Toby that I will treasure.

"You know, I really enjoy spending time with you."

"Same here."

"If things were different, I would ask you to be my girlfriend."

"What do you mean?" I turn my attention away from the lipstick. Toby turns to look me in the eyes.

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, we're societal rejects living in the middle of the woods. No reason for things to be official. Either one of us could be arrested or killed at any point in time. Besides, not like we have families anymore. No one to bring each other home to. Not like any of these assholes care. We're mostly just concerned with ourselves and protecting our own asses. No point in putting a label on something if it won't be useful. Might as well just have fun."

"Usually people want to be in a proper relationship with another person because they actually care. They put the girlfriend and boyfriend label on because they like the person and it makes them happy to be with each other. So if you don't want a relationship, then don't waste the other person's time. Everyone dies. So what? I am ready to dedicate my life to someone, even if I know that someone will die early. It's about the happiness between two people who care about each other. No one else matters." I feel a pain in my heart. I stand up, throwing the blanket off of me. Toby sits, eyes wide as I turn my back on him. His eyes watch me as I walk away.