Let Me In || Ticci Toby x Reader

28 || Waiting

My preliminary hearing was yesterday. And so my case continues. The judge found that there is enough evidence to continue. The prosecutor is trying for the maximum amount of charges. This includes nine charges of first-degree murder and two charges of armed robbery. I could never be a free woman again. Apparently, there is enough evidence to support most of these charges. Though there is a way that I can avoid some. But that requires telling a few half-truths.

When I was first kidnapped, I planned on getting arrested and claiming I was forced into killing Christine. Even now I could claim I was kidnapped and threatened into killing several people and robbing them. I could only be charged with second-degree murder by giving away as much information as I could. Telling the truth could lessen the number of murder charges in general. Toby did end up killing the Moore family when I ran away. And Zero killed the two Williams kids. Christine was an accident to begin with; I never meant to kill her. If I hint towards Stockholm syndrome and severe paranoia I could possibly plead insanity too. Maybe placed under protection so I am not killed for being a snitch if I do end up serving time in prison. Being in a mental institute would not be the greatest opportunity, but it beats prison. All I have to do is bend a few truths and give up all the information I have on Toby and the rest of them.

That is not going to happen. While I have been kidnapped and somewhat forced into killing, none of that bothers me anymore. Despite being killers, about half of them seem like decent people to be around. A solid three or four out of seven have been nice to me. Toby and Clockwork even saved my life even I was starving to death. I have given up on giving up. No intentionally getting arrested or ending myself. This strange new reality is oddly comforting. I am free, just at the cost of innocent lives. Being a killer is part of my identity now, whether it was just Christine or countless others. It just seems like a job now. Similar to assassin but without the pay.

The meetings with my attorney continue. We discuss how I can get away with a few charges. I mostly make snarky remarks and try to work with him. While I fully expect to be getting out of here before my trial, I have to seem like I think I might go to jail. If I am too careless towards my own case then that might arouse suspicion. So I just try and stick to one story and put some effort into winning my case.

My claim is that I am innocent. While the judge thinks that there is enough evidence, I doubt that it can convince the jury. The court date was supposed to be on April 22nd, a little less than a month away. It was moved to May 18th due to difficulties finding an impartial jury. So now I have more time to sit and wait to be broken out of my holding cell.

Since coming to jail, I have been more aware of the date and time. It is currently March 26th. I was kidnapped in early January. Overall, a lot of time has passed. And so much happened, it feels so odd that only a few months have passed. For the past little while, I haven't cared that much about what day it is, or even what the time is. Not like I have a watch to go off of or anything. Now it feels strange. There is even a routine. Lights out at a certain time, meals served on a schedule and semi-regular meetings with my attorney.

Time is slow here. I have nothing to do. Just sit and be with my own thoughts. The window on the door is glazed over so I can't see out. No way to try and memorize the schedules of the workers. Only think and think, eventually starting to overthink. Just something to do to pass the time waiting.

I sit on the mattress, something more like a crash mat than an actual mattress. By back rests against the wall. The fluorescent lights give the room a dingy hue. Maybe I could ask for a newspaper. See if there is any news coverage of recent killings. Or just catch up with the outside world in general. Being shut away from everything is frustrating. All I want is to know something about what is going on outside of these barren walls. What is happening? Are the police hunting the others? When is Toby coming? Is he even coming?

I get up and start to pace around the room. With each circle, I start to lose more and more hope. Toby said he likes me and wants to continue our relationship. Hell, he even said that he will come back for me. It has only been a week.  But on the other hand, a week has passed and I have no indication of if he really is coming to get me. Not a lot of people were at my preliminary hearing. That would have been a great time to bust me out. Maybe Toby just gave up on me. We barely know each other and he didn't want a relationship to begin with. Maybe he has been lying this whole time. He has never dated before and suddenly some new chick shows up and gives him attention. It is possible that he confused his emotions. And the fact is, rescuing me would put anyone who comes at risk. The best option would be to leave me.

I lay back down on the mattress and curl up facing the wall. I feel so helpless. My fate is in the hands of others. If I get rescued or not depends on the others. If I am innocent or guilty is up to the jury. My court date could be changed for whatever reason, anytime. I just want to be in control of something.

I just want to be free again.