Let Me In || Ticci Toby x Reader

6 || Fears

It's day now. I haven't been able to sleep one bit. My body is begging for sleep, and my eyes try to close and grant that wish. But still, my mind racing with thoughts keeps me awake. I need something to calm me down.

Someone knocks on the door. And I hear a familiar voice speak to me. My prayers have been answered.

"Heya, how's it going?" The proxy asks. I knock twice as a response. He'll know what it means. I want to ask how he's doing.

"Nice. Well, I heard you slam a door in the night. What was that about?"

I don't respond. How can I? If only there was a way to communicate further without a need for my voice. Maybe I could learn morse code?

"I have an idea. Don't go anywhere," he jokes a bit. That brings a small smile to my lips. It makes me wonder how bad of a guy this killer can be. I always get a little bit happier with him talking to me. In fact, I almost look forward to when he comes to see me. This might just be wishful thinking, but what if he is trapped here like me?

The proxy comes back quickly and pushes something underneath the door. A pad of paper and a pen. Wish I thought of that sooner.

"Use this. Tell me what happened last night."

Help me

I slide the paper underneath the door. It quickly gets slid back.

"What's wrong?" He asks, concerned for what trouble I am in. I feel like he also sounds a bit mad as well.

Someone wants to sneak out and look at me

I slide the paper under the door again. I assume the proxy reads it, judging by how he sighs.

"You could always come out. I mean, you have to eventually. And probably soon."

I slam my hand on the door as soon as he says that. I don't want to come out. I'm just too scared. There is no way he could have known, but I am kinda mad that he suggested that, however true it may be.

"Who was it? Do you know?"

I knock once. But I also make a little drawing depicting a hallway, labelling my room and the room I heard the two guys from. I add a little note about how the one sounded a little childish.

"Hold on a minute. I'll be back."

Then he leaves just like that. Leaving me to wonder where he went. To talk to those two? Probably.

It only takes a couple of minutes, but for me, it feels like an eternity as I wait for the proxy to return. Then I hear footsteps stop outside my door. It sounds like the proxy. Normal pace, footsteps drag slightly on the ground, and a bit of force behind each step. It's confirmed when I see the notepad and pen passed back to me under the door.

"Well, I spoke to them. It was Ben and Jeff. Ben's the one trying to get a look of ya. He shouldn't be a problem tonight. Feel free to do whatever you do normally."

Thanks

"No problem. And thanks for doing laundry. You might have no choice, but I still think I should say that. I'll have to get you to teach me how to fold clothes like that." A short dog whistle is added at the end, an unintentional tic, I presume.

I smile again. If anything, he would be the one I show myself to.

"You guys having fun?" Another voice joins us. It's a girl. She is pretty nice, from what I can tell with our interactions. And the one who spoke to me when I first woke up here.

"Yep. Ben's being a little bit of a pain though. But I've got it all sorted," the proxy answers her.

"Same old, then?" She laughs a little, earning a chuckle from the proxy as well. Even I crack another small smile.

"Hey, did you want to join us for breakfast? I can make a mean scrambled egg." Once again I am asked to join them. They seem alright. And with these two in particular I feel sort of comfortable. Dang, it's almost like I am opening up and becoming soft. I still do fear for my life around these guys, and I may never be rid of the resentment I feel in my heart. Even so, these two do not seem half bad.

"I'm going with the girls for a walk later too. You could come along. Apparently, there's this bird nest not too far away."

I knock once. My feelings are starting to get so conflicted. I just know I'm not coming out anytime soon.

"Okay, I'll just go make breakfast then. Want me to bring you some?"

I knock once.

"Could you make some for me?" The proxy asks the girl.

"Sure," she says, then I can hear the footsteps of her leaving. She sounds a bit awkward with how she spoke after I rejected her offers for breakfast and a walk. Kind of makes me feel bad.

I stay silent and still for a moment, waiting for the proxy to say something. He doesn't say anything, so I take initiative.

What's your name?

"I'll tell you when we see each other face to face. No pressure, kind of."

Am I a psycho?

"Well, medically, probably not. If you're asking about being crazy, don't worry. We're all crazy. Most of us do show psychopathic tendencies from time to time. But you're one of us. If that's what's keeping you in here, don't worry. You're safe. And I don't think you're too crazy, if it's any condolence."

Thanks

"I should go. See you later."

I then hear the proxy walk away.  I consider what he said, how I'm not crazy. That'll change once I embrace this new life I've been thrust into. Everything the proxy said is true, although the last bit may have been a lie. I am crazy. I have to be if I ended up being safe in a place like this. There really is no reason for me to be scared of the people here. And I realize now that is what I was afraid of, the truth. These people are murderers, and I have killed as well. Not just my neighbour, but my actions have led to the death of that family of three as well. I fit in here. What I am really scared of, is what I am becoming, and who I am now.

I am not a sheep surrounded by wolves, somehow not being devoured because of the fence keeping them out. I am a wolf as well, kept inside a short and weak fence. Everyone else is the same as me, except they are free outside of this confining space of fear.