Let Me In || Ticci Toby x Reader

Extra - His Hurt

Toby POV

I watch (Y/n) walk away, stunned. My mind shouts at me to jump up and follow her. Grab her hand, shout her name, anything. Her scowl as she spat her venomous words at me sting. It makes my heart feel heavy to think that she was hurt by me. My body can only stay frozen in place. The only thing I can do is watch in horror as she storms away from me.

What did I do wrong? No, I know what I did. I went along and fell for the woman I helped Slender stalk for months. It was going so well too. This whole night was set up so I could tell her how I really felt. I even asked everyone else to stay in their rooms as soon as I start the fire so she would not feel stressed about being out of her room. The lipstick was something for her so she would not feel bad about having very little things to call her own. My chances with her could be all but ruined now. And I know she liked me back. She admitted it. If only I had a bit more experience. Then I may not have messed up like this.

I stand up to abandon the blanket on the floor. Her door slamming shut in the distance makes me wince. There has to be something I can do to fix this. I head back to the room, leaving the fire to burn itself out. But before I can open my door, Clockwork opens hers and waves me down.

"What happened?" She asks, poking her head out. I am too embarrassed to admit it at first. But then an idea sparks in my mind. Maybe she could give me some advice.

I shush Clockwork, walking closer to her. My voice lowers into a whisper. (Y/n) might be listening through the vents. This is something I do not want her to hear.

"I think I blew it. I don't have any dating experience and now I said the wrong thing. Can you give me some advice?"

"Then let me ask again, what happened?" Clockwork lowers her voice as well.

"I, uh." My hands fumble with the hem of my shirt. This is dangerously private information for me at this point. I could back out now, it is not too late. But if I want to fix things, this might be a good way to go. "I told her that if things were different I would ask her to be my girlfriend. Then there was a bit of a fight. I think she wants an official relationship, but does it really matter? It's not like anyone really cares."

"Well, she cares. And if you're this stressed about it, I think you care too. If I was her, I would want the security and loyalty that a relationship provides; a sense of belonging as well. Besides, what does it matter what everyone else thinks? Toby, if you really like this girl would you not want her to be yours alone?"

"That is what she said, too, about what others think. So, what can I do to fix this?"

"You're the only one that sees her and really knows what kind of a person she is. You'll figure it out." Clockwork pats my shoulder, retreating back into her room and shutting the door. Her words leave me stunned for a second.

I head into my own room, sitting down on my bed to ponder what I could do. I am the only one who interacts with her. So, what can I do to win her back? I imagine she is probably mad. Maybe even a little sad. It did look like she was about to cry when she left. All I need to do is think of this like a mission. If I can anticipate how she would react, I may be able to pick the right course of action. How has she acted in the past? And what will her response be to different actions?

She has been super withdrawn this entire time. Only when we got close did she start to open up to me and me alone. Meaning no one else can get involved. So I have to act like everything is normal. Let her have her alone time and do not push her to talk to me. If she really wants a relationship with me, she will come back on her own, right? I just have to let her know I am sorry and that I am still interested. Then it will be up to her to come to me when she is ready. At the same time, I cannot let her walk away from me. I may have to apply a bit of pressure if she completely shuts me out again.

Instinctively, I grab the notepad I use to pass notes to her. Just like we did when she locked herself in her room all the time. It helped build our bond then, and maybe this hint of fond memories could reignite things between us. Now, all I have to do is figure out what to write. No sense in making it long and convoluted. It would be best to discuss this in person. So I should just keep it short and get to the point.

You were right. I want to talk to you.

While I do not want other people to be involved, I have to prepare for the next raid. Clockwork would agree to deliver the note. And speaking of the raid, (Y/n) will have to come along. I may be able to speak to her then unless she gets too anxious around the others. She will be forced to vacate her safe space for a little while, after all. Come to think of it, EJ might still have that spare mask laying around. He picked it up in October during a raid as a potential replacement. I have not seen him use it yet, so maybe (Y/n) could use it as her own. That would show her I am thinking about her, and that I care.

Everything else I will wait to say to her in person. Since she wants something with meaning, I should tell her I am sorry in person. I just hope that she does not take too long to come to talk to me. My door is always open for her. Please, (Y/n), forgive me. I want you in my life. You are more important to me than I ever thought you could be. You take me as I am, and I am so grateful for that. I swear, I will never give up on you.