18 Years of God Damn Bullshit: A Memoir

Captions

June 2, 2021

Could I try again try again try again? Is there a universe with a better me in it, living better than I am these days? Ignore the karma which spites you all your existence. It comes back eventually, it bites you ten-fold

May 19, 2021

I hold myself so I can be held; I'm tired of waiting.

May 16, 2021

I romanticize my first name like I miss you. As if I wasn't afraid, as if I didn't hate you. I hate how the best parts of you are from before I could tie my shoes. I hate how pieces of you come to me when I don't ask for them. I hate how I use you to justify my failure. It was always you. My reason for everything. You stick to me in ways I can't remember yet.

May 16, 2021

Do you know the guilt of ignoring screams of pain? Do you know the shame of ignoring the terror laced over your own name?

Reasons I can't hear it anymore.

May 13, 2021

I have identified that I metaphorically need to sleep on someone's couch and feel like it's not my home but that's okay because I'm safe for the night, then wake up to silence and the sun shining through their neat apartment's balcony window and sit there for about an hour before they wake up and give me a cup of tea because I tell them I'm not hungry (because I'm not) and they put their hand on my shoulder looking at me with that sad smile and ask if I want to talk about it, and I tell them no (because I don't), and I know things will be okay for a bit because they're going to take care of it for me