𝙏𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙗𝙤𝙤𝙠 || 𝙆𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙉𝙖𝙥

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴇɪɢʜᴛᴇᴇɴ ~ Ⓕ︎Ⓘ︎Ⓡ︎Ⓔ︎Ⓕ︎Ⓛ︎Ⓘ︎Ⓔ︎Ⓢ︎

:]
Hello, get ready for a long chapter.

⚠️Warning!⚠️ Death implied song lyrics, swearing

Faint humming drifted into my ears as I felt myself slowly awaken from my peaceful slumber. Still wrapped into the warm drowsiness of sleep, I shift around in my bed to snuggle deeper into the heavy blankets covering my cold body. I couldn't help but let a smile rest upon my lips, I hadn't felt this...security in ages. The feeling of being content with myself and being within the moment.

"if you need me, wanna see me...you better hurry...I'm leaving soon. Sorry can't save me now. Sorry I don't know how~"

I felt a chill run down my spine ruining the warm feeling I experienced seconds ago. The voice continued to sing the oddly familiar tune. I heard it before... I just couldn't place it... Before each word was sung, I knew exactly what was going to be said. It was if the lyrics were teasing me. My gut twisted as I felt as if the blankets weight was more crushing than cozy and my throat tightened. I managed to open my eyes so that I could see the afternoon sun hit the white washed walls giving it a golden tint. I squirmed as I felt the familiar pricks of tears sting my eyes as I bit my tongue, a wave of nerves washed over my body like the incoming tide. The tears were now threatening to spill across my face, I wanted to cover my ears and rewind back minutes before. But all my hands did were shake. Pathetic. Useless.

"Sorry there's no way out...but down, down..."

Silently I let the tears streak down my face as I helplessly stare at the blank white walls. I felt the sick. And before I knew it, the bitter sweet taste of bile hit my mouth. I was going to puke... But I didn't because the throbbing in my head increased as I began to remember. But when I realized where I knew were the song was from, I immediately wanted to forgot.

"Call my friends and tell them that I love them...and I'll miss them...but I'm not sorry," I whispered with the voice. My verbal vomit came out of my mouth spilling out of me, leaving me breathless. Blinking away the tears I shifted till I was on my back again. Dad. Dad sung this with me when he was sad. I felt shivers run through my arms. I remember vividly as we sat on a crisp black sofa of the hotel my dad stayed at since he had to move away from mum. It was exactly 11:43pm and I had walked up to him from the room where I was sleeping in and found him crying. He never cried, always telling me he would be strong for me. I had to be the bigger person in this situation though. I clutched the grey lavender smelling blankets as I shuffled towards the broken man. I remember his face so clearly, his red puffy face all blotchy with tears. I suppressed the urge to cry out loud as the voice continued to hum. And his dull grey eyes glazed with a heavy vail of sadness. So heavy I wasn't sure It could be lifted.

He looked surprised to see me coming towards him. I didn't speak, I just ran into his arms as he leant his head into my shoulder and just cried. I just held him. I'd give anything to hold him again. Then dad stopped sobbing, not because he calmed down but because he couldn't. Choked on his emotions, I brought out my phone and hit shuffle on my playlist we made together...when we were a family. That's when 'before I go' by Billie Eilish started to play and we sung along to the song as I held his hand tightly. I wished I could remember any other memories but all was left imprinted in my brain were the bitter sweet ones.

"Call my friends and tell them that I love them...and I'll miss them...sorry..." I smiled sadly as my vision clouded with my tears and the song ended. I turned my head towards the source of the singing. That night, together we feel asleep on the couch with the older man in my arms. Me comforting his hopeless sobs.