Obsidian & Bronze {Fred Weasley}

34. Starting the search

"Did it hurt?" I asked quietly, and rather abruptly, glancing up at Remus from his place above me as I rested my head on his lap, comforted by the gentle rhythm of his steady breaths as he silently read to himself on the couch of Grimmauld Place.

I had returned soon after my encounter with Fred, neglecting to dry off my clothes, and therefore also neglecting the series of puzzled expressions and unanswered questions as I wandered back to reconvene with Remus, soaked to the bone, a chattering jaw and streams of mascara spilling down my hollow and porcelain cheeks.

Fred didn't want to talk, just eventually silently communicated that he wanted to get into his bed, nodding when I asked if he wanted me to follow and soon enough drifting off into what I hope was a peaceful and dreamless sleep.

I waited a while, unsure whether or not I could physically convince my brain to leave. It was an odd kind of guilt, leaving. I had always been the one on the receiving end, always the abandoned as opposed to the abandoner, and it was drastically harder than I ever gave anyone credit for.

I scribbled a note on a spare piece of parchment laying beside his bed- "Owl me when you wake up. I love you and I'm here, always - Ari x" -before slipping out the door without a second glance. Looking back had always been a somewhat specialty of mine, looking back on people, memories, mistakes, but this time, the thought of looking back, even in the real sense, brought about the same fear I had attached to looking forward. It's ironic how things like that evolve as we do.

Remus didn't question me further after his initial query when I returned to McGonagall's office, soaking wet, shivering and still without my locket, rather, he just took my hand and ushered me into the fireplace, where we returned to Number 12 without another word.

Fred didn't reply to my note. I chose to view that as a bad sign, because despite my craving for optimism, and in spite of my inexperience in relationships, I assumed that it couldn't possibly be a good sign.

"Did what hurt?" Remus asked, pulling me from my all consuming thoughts and back to my place on the couch, as he placed his book face down on the arm of the sofa and glanced down at me, his eyes brimming with uncertainty as he fought to conceal the look of concern spreading across his features.

"When you knew you were losing Sirius?" I whimpered, attempting to detach any emotion I felt regarding Fred in that moment, regardless of that being the only reason I asked the question initially.

Remus kept looking down at me, although the evident fight to hide his concerns had vanished and been replaced with prominent worry, as he lifted my head from his lap and placed it against his chest, a safe space I couldn't help but relax in.

"Is this about when you came back to the office crying the other day?" He asked in a whisper, resting his chin on the top of my head and smoothing down my hair as he wrapped his other arm around my torso, allowing all my weight to drop into him, keeping his tone soft to avoid awakening Sirius who was motionlessly asleep as Padfoot on the armchair opposite.

I gulped forcefully, fighting the urge to cry, feeling the sharpness of tears prick the corners of my eyes, reassuring myself that I could repress it just a little bit longer, and soon enough I would be in bed anyway, and would be free to cry without the question of anyone else.

"I told you, I had to fix the shower for Ginny, I got wet" I lied, sighing with as much conviction as I could muster, although I knew it was pointless.

"I know you better than that Poppet"

And it was true. He did.

"I think I am losing Freddie" I sobbed into his chest, craving the scent of tea that was not lingering on his clothes like it usually was, another comfort I was being stripped of so suddenly.