Destroying The Shield

Chapter 13: What have I done?!

I cant say anything has gone right because it hasnt. I've been suspended for 2 weeks. No wrestling.  After my match with Jay, I hit a fan. It was an accident! He grabbed my butt. They are told NOT to grab us as we go down the stairs. What was I suppose to do? I didnt know who it was!

I still havent gotten the papers. I've been sitting in my hotel room in the fetal position in a corner sobbing. I wont answer my phone, I havent eaten, I havent showered. Im still in my ring gear. This all just happened tonight, an hour after our match. What have I done? It's been hours since then.

Adam keeps knocking on my door, Jay is apparently worried (or so Adam has said), Nikki keeps calling, Seth (shocker!)as even stopped by my door to get me to move. I refuse, I wont talk to anyone. I'm losing control. My plan is failing. What the hell am I doing?! I CANT TAKE THIS! I started to pack my bags after sitting there in the corner. Thank god I am on the first floor. I opened the window and climbed out, sneaking to my bus. Thankfully no one saw me. I told Eduardo to drive to the airport. I was going home to California.

I paid cash for my ticket, still in my gear. I threw on some sweats and a sweatshirt so I wouldnt be noticed. I also told Eduardo not to tell anyone where I was and turned off my phone so it wouldnt ring. After getting a coffee and getting on my plane, it was a 4 hour flight to Cali. I live in an area kind of like Jay and Adam, middle of a forest, gated, hidden... Thankfully.

Well, I am home. It's currently raining but thats ok. I LOVE rain. I've emailed Lucy, the girl who cleans my house and told her a friend was staying and she wouldnt need to come and clean. I have a locksmith coming to change my locks so no one can get in but me and Lucy.  I changed the code to my gate and told the gate guy NO ONE is to get in. NO ONE, without my approval.

I still havent changed, showered or eaten. I'm currently sitting outside, in the rain, sobbing. I've probably ended my career. My contract has 11 months left, and I may be forced to retire after it, if I am not fired. All because I hit someone who grabbed my butt.  I've worked so hard to end the Shield, I forgot about myself, my health and my fans. Everything I have done, is coming undone.  I'm so hell bent on something I want to destroy, I've destroyed myself. I've finally broke. I'm damaged, done, broke. I cracked, like a screen. My scar wont stop hurting, I cant stop crying, I've broke pictures, glasses, my table, tv, flipped my couch and chair. It looks like someone broke into my house.  I've disappointed my fans, coworkers, everyone. Most importantly, my brother and (as of now) husband.
I'm inside, and of course now I'm sick. I've just sent a tweet to everyone and logged out after.

    "I am so sorry I have let everyone down. I should not have hit him, nor should my butt be grabbed. I could have handled it much better. As of now, I will be gone for 2 weeks maybe longer if I get sued. I can not fathom the amount of disappointment everyone has towards me, but I know to expect it. I would furthermore, like to apologize to my coworkers for embarrasing them, and the WWE for the trouble I have caused. Also to my (as of now)husband and brother, I am sorry I have let you both down and maybe one day this will all be in the past. (Hopefully) See you all soon."

I emailed Lucy, and she is coming to help me clean. I've made a HUGE mess, shes going to be mad. Thankfully I did not touch my room, or tv in there. This may take a while to clean, I better get started now. *sigh*

Well, it took a whole 3 hours, and Lucy was livid. I can't say I blame her. She works so hard to keep my place clean. I need to give her  a raise, after this she deserves one. I also have a place delivering new things to me to replace the crap I broke. No, I dont feel better, or even good about anything. In fact, I want to do it all again, but I wont. I guess I should shower and stuff, then watch a movie.
This will be a long 2 weeks, *sigh* What have I done to myself, career, and those I love?