The Wrong One

Chapter 16

The whole next week I was putting in a lot of time at the studio. Today was the last day to complete my album before sending it off for editing. I couldn't believe this was my life now. I could only hope my mom was looking down on me from Heaven and rejoicing. Jake stayed away from me for most of the week like I had asked. I didn't want anymore drama from him or between him and Adam. Before heading out for the day, I felt a hand on my arm. "Hey, uh can I talk to you for a minute?" It was Jake and he was definitely up to something. "What do you want Jake? I'm heading out for the weekend. "Can we please just sit for a spell? I have something I need to speak to you about." Hearing his thick, Australian accent always made butterflies well in my stomach. 

We both sat on the couch awkwardly staring around the room. "So, what do you want?" I had to get out of there soon. "I'm going back to Australia next week. Your album is finally finished and my work here is done. I wanted to let you know how proud I am of how far you've come. The confidence I've seen in you the past couple months has been riveting. Congrats." He stood up with his arms out. What in the world is this man doing. Is he trying to go in for a hug? "Come on, one last hug. It's the least you can give me before I leave and we never see each other again." He winked and I smiled. Even after all we've been through I could still count him as a friend. In a super messed up way I guess. I of course appreciated him bringing me here in the first place and believing in me. 

"I guess one hug wouldn't hurt. Thank you for bringing me here Jake. Even after all we've been through I still wouldn't have all of this if it weren't for you." I felt my face getting hot like tears were going to come streaming down my face. "Grace?" Of course Adam walks in at the completely wrong time. I jerked away from Jake and grabbed my bag. "Anyway, thanks for the help with the album. Good luck in Australia." I tried to push past Adam and drag him with me but he stood firm in the doorway. "Adam, please." He looked down at me with a hurt look. Surely he didn't think I was falling for Jake again. At this point, we were totally just friends. "You know what man, I've been pretty cool about you and Grace even being in the same vicinity as each other. Now to walk into this? What the hell do you want?" I could feel his muscles tensing and I decided to step in.

"Listen, there is too much testosterone in here. Jake was just telling me how he was going back to Australia next week and I was thanking him for all he's done for me. Ultimately, if it weren't for him I wouldn't have any of this right now. I wouldn't have my dream career and I wouldn't have met you." I nudged him to make him look at me and his tough guy facade diminished. "Fine. But let it be known that Grace and I are in love. Nothing you will ever do or say will change that. Got it?" Love? He said the L word. I had definitely been feeling it but I wasn't sure if he felt the same way. I guess this was confirmation? Or it could've just been something to say so Jake would leave me alone. Either way, I was overwhelmed. 

I could see the pain in Jake's eyes as we left and I looked away fast. I couldn't let those eyes suck me back in again. What me and Jake had was short and complicated. I had to leave it at that. In the car I couldn't stop staring at Adam. I searched his face for something. I wasn't sure what but I wanted him to say he was in love with me again but not in front of Jake. "Adam. Look at me." He slowly looked in my direction but not directly into my eyes. I wasn't used to a man wearing his heart on his sleeve like Adam did. It wasn't a bad thing, just exhausting and confusing sometimes. "Look Grace. I want to believe that you don't have feelings for Jake anymore but I can't ignore the voice in the back of my head. And seeing you two together and hugging, it ignited something inside of me. This anxiety and insecurity I haven't felt since my last relationship. I'm not sure I can go through that again." 

No, don't do this. I could feel myself starting to form a panic attack and just wanted this to stop. Can we go back to last week when it was just me and him and the world didn't exist? "Adam, please. I can't be without you. The feelings I have for Jake now are purely platonic. I realized today that the damage done between us can never be fixed again. We had a short, complicated relationship and we are better off friends. That's actually what I was telling him before you showed up. The hug was solely out of thanks for what he's helped me accomplish. I can give you a hug too if you want? For all you've helped me do. I have grown so much in the past six months and it's a huge part from you. I also don't want you confessing your love for me to Jake for the first time. I'm hoping that was sincere and not just something to make him jealous?"

He smiled and pulled me in closer to him. "Grace, I love you. I know I should've waited to say that in private but in the heat of the moment, I had to say it. I don't want to ever keep our love a secret. I just hope you feel the same way. I would move mountains for you if you asked me to." He kissed me slowly, making sure to linger on the last one. I had a lot of feelings running through my mind. I did love Adam, like a lot. I also loved Jake. Wait, what? I kept trying to convince myself that I didn't love Jake and only wanted to be his friend. But hearing him talk about leaving and how proud he was of me, it really got to me. I loved Jake and Adam in two completely different ways. How was that even possible? it broke my heart because I didn't want to tell Adam. I wanted to shove it in a deep, dark part of me and never revisit it. Let Jake move back to Australia and get on with my life. 

I couldn't though. It wasn't that simple. My love life would never be simple. I finally grabbed his hand and held it in mine. "I do love you Adam. So much. But I also love Jake. Not in the same way I love you of course, but there will always be some sort of love for him there and I need you to be okay with that. That doesn't mean I want to be with him but I can't deny that I don't have that love there. Please don't be mad. I love you and you are the person I want to be with." He pulled away and looked straight ahead. I knew this would happen but I couldn't hide that from him. It wasn't fair to me or him. "We should get you back to your apartment." That was it? That's all he had say? The rest of the drive was silent and I had so many thoughts running through my head. 

Why wouldn't he respond? He's usually the type to tell me exactly how he's feeling right in that moment. Well except for his prostitute ex girlfriend. When we arrived at my apartment, Adam didn't shut the engine off. Instead, he was waiting for me to get out. "Adam, please say something. I know that's a lot to take in but I love you. I want to be with you not Jake. isn't that enough?" He finally looked at me with glassy eyes. "I want it to be. But I'm just not sure it can be. I don't want to be the guy who is constantly wondering if my girlfriend is in love with another guy. Let's just cool things off until Jake leaves the country okay? That's not what I want in particular but right now we don't have a choice. I need that security that he's really gone so I can move forward, so we can move forward." I could feel my face getting hot and the tears trying to fight their way out. Oh who am I kidding, I haven't been able to hold a cry in my whole life. 

I let the flood gates open and practically sprinted out of the car. I could hear Adam say my name in the distance but I kept running. If I looked back now, it would hurt too much. I know he says he needs space until Jake leaves but what if then it's too late? What if we can't be restored and things will never be the same? I couldn't bare the thought of not being with Adam. He was everything I needed. 

Later that night, after I finished my second carton of ice cream and lost myself in some ramen noodles. There was a knock at the door, great probably Jake. I drudged over and opened it to find Sarah standing in the hallway, wearing a skin tight sequin dress. "Uh, hi. What are you wearing?" She pushed passed me and twirled around. "We my dear friend, are going out on the town! We haven't been clubbing since way before you and Adam got together and I need my wing man back. I know you are wallowing in self pity tonight but that ends right now. Put this dress and heels on and let's go! I will do final check for hair and makeup in 10. Go." I grabbed the super short and revealing dress and examined it. "Sarah, I love you. But this isn't going to fix my problems. I'd rather just stay in and finish binging the new girl for the 3rd time."

She scrunched her nose up at me and pushed me to the bedroom. "Nope, I'm not letting you self sabotage again. Just because Adam says he needs space, does not mean he is done with you. Trust me, I understand why he wants to wait until Jake is gone. He doesn't want some brooding, tattooed hottie pining for your love while he is. That's some romance novel shit right there. Now put this sexy dress on and let's get going!" I finally gave in because I knew she wouldn't leave and peeled the dress over my body. Ten minutes later I finally did a last check in the mirror. Dang, I looked good. The dress hugged my curves just right and it was the most beautiful burgundy. Burgundy heels to match and Sarah swiped on a dark lip for dramatic effect. I almost didn't recognize myself. 

"Alright girly, it's club time!"