The Wrong One

Chapter 21

We were exhausted by the time we finished looking at the last apartment. So much information from one to the next. I liked many things about all of them but didn't absolutely love any of them. I found a reason not to like every one we looked at. Somehow I was sabotaging this for us. Adam seemed frustrated and ready to go back to the hotel. That's when I saw it, a cute house in the perfect location. "Adam, pull over at this house. Right here." I pointed and he pulled into the driveway. It was a smaller White House on the side I said I wanted to live on. Not directly on the street but noticeable enough. One bedroom, two baths. And it just so happened our realtor had this as an option to show us. I called her and she headed over with the details. To our luck, it was in our price range. Adam and I both smiled at each other as we walked in. The entire house was remodeled from the living room to the bedroom. 

The kitchen was my favorite part. A big row of white cabinets lined the corner and the sink was huge. The stove was electric and there was even a dishwasher. This was perfect for Adam to cook in. The entire house had an open floor concept which made it feel huge. This was it, I could feel it in my bones. "You guys are in luck but it's a rent to own. I know that isn't what you were looking for but this is prime location." She was right. It was close enough to the studio that we wouldn't have to commute long but far away enough from the busyness. But rent to own meant that Adam and I would eventually become homeowners together. I wasn't exactly sure either one of us had thought about that. Then again, I was the one who said I would wait for sex and be married before I moved in with someone. 

I was somewhat embarrassed of myself because I had gone back on the things that I was so proud of. Adam never once pressure me though, this was all me and my body. I guess at some point I got so wrapped up in everything I let my body think for my mind. I could definitely picture me and Adam living here. Having a life together, a family some day. But the thing that was stopping me was pure guilt. I feel like if my mother were here she would tell me I'm moving too fast. That I need to slow down and really think about how I want my future to look. That if I really loved Adam and he loved me, we could wait to move in together until we were married. Well, at least until an engagement. I still feel like there's so much for me to learn about Adam but we've been so caught up in the trauma that happened to us, we haven't slowed down enough to just date. 

"Can you give us a minute please." The realtor nodded and walked outside. "Babe, this is perfect. I can totally see us starting a life here." He grabbed me by my waist and kissed me. This was making things a lot harder. "Adam, we need to really think about this. I love you so much and want nothing more than to move into this house with you and forget about everything else. But at the same time I would be going back on things I've been proud of and kept sacred for my whole life basically. I already broke the no sex until marriage rule which is no fault of yours. I've been completely in control of my own actions. But, moving in together this soon and then potentially buying this house just kind of scares me. I always picture myself dating, getting engaged and then married and moving in together. We have sort of done things backwards and I think it's because of the trauma we've shared. And that's good and bad. Good because it has brought us closer together. But bad because we are moving so fast, we haven't really had time to get to know each other. Don't you think?"

And I could really tell he was mulling over what I said. "Yeah I guess you're right. Although I would still be totally fine with moving in together and continuing our relationship, I understand what you mean. We come from different backgrounds, therefore we have different beliefs. But I would never want you to compromise your beliefs for my selfish reasons. Why don't we do this. There's 2 apartments open at that nice complex we looked at. I know for a fact we both can afford rent on our own. That way, we aren't living together but still next to each other. And then we can revisit this house again later on down the road. I think it will still be here when we're ready if it's meant to be." I kissed him passionately. I couldn't believe how incredibly understanding he was always. A part of me felt bad because I wanted nothing more than to wake up next to him every morning. But doing things this way, would make life more sweeter together in the end.