Fragmented

Chapter 8

Trigger warning!!! SELF HARM AND TALKS ABOUT DEATH OF PARENTS!

"Ellie! Ellie! You need to run! Don't look back!" I heard my dad screaming as the snow starts to be painted with blood. The tears falling from my eyes, as I start to run. I run as fast as my feet will carry me. I don't say a word, I keep my mouth shut, as I run deeper into the snow. I look back, just as my foot falls off the ledge.

I jolted awake, sweat covering my body. Tears falling from my eyes. I bring my knees up to my chest, as my body starts to convulse with sobs.

"Ellie..? Are you okay..?" I barely hear a sleepy Kenzie ask. I don't have the energy to respond. I just continue to scream out in pain. Not physical, but emotional. I would rather it be physical.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my body, someone sitting behind me, hugging me tight, trying to stop this panic attack. The person started rocking me back and forth, talking to me, but I couldn't make out anything they were saying.

I brought my arm up to my mouth, and bit as hard as I could, until I could feel it, letting the pain sink in, I slowly started to calm down.

Of all days, today is the day I had to wake up with yet another nightmare. This one worse than any other one.

Today marked the one year anniversary of my parents death. I finally calmed down on the outside, but on the inside, I screaming. Needing release.

I turned to see a scared looking Kenzie still hugging me from behind, but I could now hear little sniffles. She was crying.

"I'm sorry, if I scared you. I didn't mean to." I said, still shaking a little bit, my voice cracking in the middle.

"Ellie, you havent done that in so long. I'm really worried about you. Please tell me you won't get bad again." I looked her dead in the eyes, and lied to her. I couldn't keep that promise. I wasn't going to try to commit suicide, but I needed relief. At this moment, I didn't care where I got it.

I slowly pulled out of Kenzie's arms. She held on just a little tighter, like if she let go, she would lose me forever, after about minute, she let go.

"I'm going to take a shower, I'm sweaty." Kenzie looked at me worriedly, but nodded her head. I hate how I caused her this pain and worrying.

"Call me in there if you need me." I nodded my head, grabbing some random clothes, and took off towards the bathroom.

As soon as I got into the bathroom, I let the tears flow. I couldn't stop them from falling. I needed to catch my breath before I passed out.

I slowly made my way to the shower to start it, being a little difficult due to the constant tears that were streaming down my face.

I turned the water as hot I could, I need to feel some type of pain. I carefully took off my clothes, throwing them to the floor.

I got into the shower, sitting in the back, pulling my knees to my chest, letting the hot water scold my skin. Letting more tears fall, I silently scream to myself.

I punched the side of the wall, causing a thud. I couldn't even feel it, but I know I hit it hard, because my hand started to bleed instantly.

I screamed quietly into my knees. Asking god why! Why my parents, why not me instead? This is the worst pain in the world. It's true, you don't know what it's like to lose a parent, or parents in my case, if you have never lost them.

After about being in the shower for a good 45 minutes, crying the entire time, it was time for me to get out. The water was now running cold. As I got out of the shower, you can see how red my skin was. It looked like when you're in the sun for hours without sunblock.