Fragmented

Chapter 14

*TWIGGER WARNING! EATING DISORDER!!*

Once again, I was awoken by an alarm. The noise causing me to cry out in pain. My head hurt so bad. I know it's from lack of food, but I can't stop now. I'm starting to like myself again. I know it's only temporary, but it feels nice to like myself again.

I got up from the couch, getting instantly dizzy, falling back on the couch. The dizziness causes me to shut my eyes, and put my head in between my knees. I haven't eaten in three days. Not even a piece of celery. I keep up my water in take. I drink at least a gallon a day. I force myself to drink, even when my stomach doesn't want it.

I stand up, again, but this time very slowly. If I move slowly today, I should be fine. I'll eat some watermelon tomorrow.

I walked to the bathroom, maybe a shower will help. I turned on the light, causing my eyes to sting from the brightness. I walked into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet to let my eyes adjust.

Once they finally did, I slowly turned on the water, letting the water run hot for a minute before getting undressed. Luckily, when my period started a week and a half ago, it didn't late more than two days. I know that's not normal, but that's my period for you.

When my clothes were off I looked at myself in the mirror. My collarbones were protruded, you could see my ribs, to the point where you could count them, my hands could fit around my upper arms, and my thigh gap was the biggest it's ever been.

All of this isn't just from this time, ever since the last time this happened, when my parents passed away, you could see my collarbones, You could barely see my ribs, I couldn't really fit my hand around my upper arm, but I could on my lower arm, and my thigh gap was never this bad.

Ever since this first started for the first time, I bought a whole bunch of baggy clothes, but now I'm to the point where all I can wear is sweats, which gets looks from Kenzie. I can't let Kenzie find out about this though, because she had her own shit to deal with.

Jessica has constantly been on her ass about everything. She's been constantly getting yelled at to the point where I always have Olivia. I don't want her around that. Jessica used to drink a lot when Jessica was a young child. She quit drinking when she got into a wreck that nearly killed Kenzie when she was ten, but I'm afraid she's drinking again. Every time you go near her, she just reeks of alcohol.

I pull myself from my thoughts as I step into the shower, letting the water run over my body, smacking the floor. I took a shower last night to wash up, so I didn't need to today. I just sat in the water.

There's so many thoughts swarming in my head, hard to figure out what is what. One thought that just keeps coming to the surface, is just how amazing Tilly is. She notices the slight changes in my attitude, caused from the lack of nutrition. Lately, I've been less talkative. Not that I was talkative to began with, but now I hardly speak. It just takes to much out of me to think of something to say.

When I stay after school to help grade, she talks to me, but I just listen, and I barely do that. What she doesn't see is all the thoughts that are constantly roaming around, looking for a place to fall.

It doesn't seem like I'm a person anymore. It feels like I'm a glass wall, and it's slowly shattering sending fragments of my soul into oblivion.

I pull myself from my thoughts before I start to cry. I shut off the water and got out. I dried off before wrapping the towel around me, as I headed for my room, Kenzie was already up, so I guess it's later than I thought. "What time is it?" I asked her as I went to my dresser to pick out a sweatshirt.

"It's 6:30, do you plan on getting dressed in here today?" Kenzie asked as she was finishing putting on her socks to match her skinny jeans, and lavender shirt.