𝔽𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔽𝕠𝕣 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 (𝕒 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕡𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕟𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕝)

23. Declarations

Dark circles have become a permanent feature on my face. It's been over a week and Sean still hasn't come home. Trevor had called me and told me not to show up for my next two shifts but assured me that I would still be paid for them. He made sure to add 'not that you need it' too, making me feel even worse.

What Trevor didn't understand is that yes, my family has money, but I don't. Yeah, sure he made a point, considering my father paid my rent for a few months but it's something I'd been ashamed of. But I suppose what he said was valid enough— at least I had someone who would pay my way through life. Sean doesn't have that.

Trevor's hurtful words had played over and over again in my head these past few days. The look in his eyes like I disgusted him sat so uneasily with me. No one has ever looked at me like that, called me a bitch, or spoken to me the way he had. But I had hurt his very best friend, like Sean had said to me many a time, they consider each other family; brothers.

I swirl my coffee around in my hand as I walk down the street that leads to my apartment. It's brisk for a June morning but at least it's waking me up a bit along with the caffeine. I eye the parking lot, looking for Sean's truck but it's not there. I let out a long sigh hating that it's been so long that I've seen him.

Sean, my boyfriend, well, if he still considers himself my boyfriend. I suppose I'll never find out if he never comes home. He'll come home. I'd said that to myself over and over again.

When I start to take the stairs a noisy woman, who is clearly doing the walk of shame, is cursing under her breath. "Fucking asshole could've at least called me a cab." I watch as she tosses her long wavy brown hair over her shoulders angrily. Her skin-tight red dress barely covers her curvaceous body. "Tells me all this bullshit about fucking and then just kicks me the fuck out. What a fucking piece of—" When she sees me she stops mumbling to herself and hurries her pace down the stairs. How she'd managed not to fall flat on her face in those giant heels I will never know.

I reach the top of the stairs and pause, looking back at the girl exiting the building. She reminds me of someone. The long wavy brown hair, hourglass figure... oh my god. She reminds me of me. I whip my head around to Sean's apartment. Sure enough he's standing in the doorway, disheveled hair and what I'd guess were last nights clothes.

He cheated on me.

A numbing sadness spreads throughout my chest and then a searing anger. He gives me one last look before closing his door. He just fucking closed his door. Like I don't fucking matter. Like he doesn't give a shit what I just stumbled upon. Like he has no regret or shame. Like he doesn't care.

I throw my empty coffee cup in the hallway trash before marching to his door. I pound my fist calling out his name but nothing. I continue telling him I know he's inside, that he better open the door, that he better look me in the face after what he just did. He doesn't say anything and I begin to feel a desperate sort of angry sadness fill me.

I stop my pounding and stare at the door, knowing the man I love is on the other side of it. With one last frustrated attempt I say, "I want you to look me in the face after what you just did."

Because you promised me you would end things before you did what you did. You promised.

Just as I'm about to turn around his door opens, revealing him looking much like he has every time one of those women has left his apartment. Looking just like he had before he met me. And everything inside of me loves and hates him so much I can't deal with it.

I launch myself into him, cursing him in every which way. I push him back several times feeling all of my emotions flowing out of my entire body. I've never hated and loved someone so much in my life. I'm screaming at him not even knowing the words coming out of my mouth. It's just a mixture of crying questions that are barely intelligible to my own ears, let alone his.