𝔽𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔽𝕠𝕣 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 (𝕒 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕡𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕟𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕝)

6. Soup For The Soul

I attempt to open the door for third or so time and am finally able to get it open. Holding onto a couple of bags of groceries and managing to open the door to Sean's apartment is no easy feat. Once I'm inside I look over to the bed and see Sean exactly how I'd left him; passed out on the bed.

I bring the bags over to the countertop and set them down. I look over my shoulder when I hear Sean mumble to himself for about the millionth time. He talks in his sleep and he never really looks at ease even though he's knocked out. His talking lead me to what I'm doing now. I'm making soup because if there's anything I'm truly good at it's cooking.

He'd mentioned soup several times in his sleep,  specifically chicken noodle soup. I've made chicken noodle soup before so I knew all the ingredients I needed. I'd debated leaving him. I haven't really left him at all in the past day. I'd sat on his couch, occasionally on the edge of the bed when he'd start to get fretful in his sleep. I'd made sure not to touch him. I just spoke softly until he eventually calmed down.

I look over my shoulder again as I hear him begin to talk to himself. I have fucking problems. I don't want to be your problem. Those words continuously played in my head.

On the outside Sean is what most people would desire. He's gorgeous to look at and that bad boy attitude makes him exude even more sex appeal. That was the outside though. I doubt anyone ever really got to see the inside. He never let anyone in for more than a few hours. I could attest to that. Even that was just sex. There was nothing meaningful about it to Sean.

Now you get it. That's what this is all about, sweetheart. Feel the mixture of hate, lust, pain, pleasure. Just feel it all. Replaying his specific words in my head had made me realize that sex is a coping mechanism for him.

My mother had once told me to never try and fix a broken boy. Never be the one to fix someone else. Her speech plays repeatedly in my head as I open another cabinet, finding a large pot. I set it on the stove and begin putting some of the ingredients in it. I finish chopping everything I need to thinking to myself that it's just a soup and soup doesn't fix a person. Food can't mend things but sometimes it can help soothe the soul.

✩✩✩

The soup is ready and, as if Sean knew, I hear him begin to wake. He's talking again but that talking soon turns into yelling. He's actually yelling. I run over to the bed hurriedly and try to calm him without touching him but it's not working. I grab ahold of him slightly and try to gently shake him awake.

"Sean, wake up. You're okay. It's okay. It was only a dream." He pushes himself away from me with outstretched hands. He looks scared, terrified even. Once those green eyes find mine they're full of confusion. "I'm sorry for touching you. I know you don't like it." His brows furrow and I doubt he remembers telling me about it. "I noticed it on Friday. When I threw myself into you your entire body went stiff as a board." His jaw grits angrily as he looks me over. "I thought I was mistaken because you held my hand until we went into your apartment but then..." I stop talking because he's glaring at me.

I'm sure not many are privy to this side of Sean. I can tell it's making him extremely uncomfortable as he sits up straight and swings his legs over the side of the bed. Me being here is probably the last thing he ever expected to wake up to. Now I'm feeling a bit self-conscious about the soup situation.

"Do you always let yourself get so messed up like you did the last few nights?" I knew I probably shouldn't ask but I couldn't help myself. I'm curious to know what had happened to such a young man for him to just need to forget.