𝔽𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔽𝕠𝕣 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 (𝕒 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕡𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕟𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕝)

15. Stoops & Hallways

I look at the glass in my hand as I swirl around the amber liquid. I feel a sense of complete self-loathing take over me as I do. At least the liquid numbs a bit of the loathing. Sometimes it makes me loathe more though, like right now.

It's been about a month since I terminated the pregnancy. A month of being overly hormonal, emotional, and hating myself. I could barely even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Any time I caught my own reflection I'd instantly grimace at the woman staring back.

I hadn't been able to get a job because I could barely get my ass out of bed. When I did get out of bed I'd usually cry for a while. I'd cry even worse at night when I'd gaze out the window, looking to see if he'd come home yet.

Nearly every night I did that. Just to see if Sean was finally back out there on the stoop, smoking his usual cigarette. Smoking with his usual glass of whiskey or some other poisonous liquid in hand. I just wanted some sign that he was okay.

That's much of what I'm doing right about now. I may not smoke but I'm sitting outside on the stoop thinking about the broken man with the black hair and green eyes. The one that hasn't been home since he walked out on me that night. The one I can't seem to get out of my mind and I don't even understand why.

I'm sad and pathetic. That about sums it up I suppose.

I bring the glass back to my lips, not caring that I probably look like an alcoholic. Sean never cared what anyone ever thought about him, why should I? I blow out a breath that probably reeks of the horrible tasting liquid, feeling a serious bout of light-headedness overtake me.

Oh god. I'm getting seriously messed up.

I try to stand to my feet and barely make it to them. I hold onto the railing, feeling like I may just fall over at any moment. The urge to vomit rolls through me but I manage to choke it back. I need to get inside and go to bed before I get sick all over the place.

I manage to make my feet work. I put one foot in front of the other, slowly making my way up the stairs as I do. Christ, I'm a fucking mess right now. Is this how Sean feels when he's this messed up? No, it would take a lot more for that man to get this fucked up. One tumbler of whiskey wouldn't be all it takes to make him feel this way; which is what it'd taken me.

Once I get to my apartment door I fumble around, trying to find my keys. I finally manage to get them out of my pocket and try to unlock my door. Something is wrong with this stupid lock though. I try it again several times and then realize I'm actually trying to put my car key into the apartment lock. I'm an idiot. I start laughing at myself and then accidentally drop my keys.

"Nice going, Monica." I slur the words to myself and go to pick them up from the floor but as I do I lose my balance. I face plant directly into the carpeted floor of the hallway and fall on my side. "Fuck." I begin laughing to myself as I snatch my keys and put them back into my pocket. I sit myself up and lean against my apartment door.

I think I'll just sit here for a little while. Probably a good idea to wait until I can feel my feet again. I blow out another breath feeling a wave of darkness start to pass through me.

I feel like I'm about to pass out at any moment when I hear someone stumbling up the stairs. My anxiety begins to build, thinking about one of my neighbors seeing me sitting here like a drunken sack of potatoes. But even though the anxiety is building in me I can't seem to pick my ass up off the floor or even find a fuck to give, for that matter.

That's when I see two people stumble past the top step. One of them makes my chest tighten and the other one makes me hate that I hadn't been able to get into my apartment. Because there Sean is, his hands full of another woman. Her mouth is all over him. Her hand is pumping his stiff cock through his pants.

Oh this is just wonderful. Fabulous, truly.

She's mumbling something to him and he's mumbling some arrogant thing back to her, I'm sure. The two of them make their way over until they're right in front of me. They don't even realize I'm here on the floor, watching them go at it.

He slams her up against the door aggressively saying, "you wanted me to bring you back here and fuck you senseless. Sean grabs her wrists and puts them above her head then grinds his hips into her. "Tell me again how you don't remember me inside of you."

How about she doesn't. I really don't want to hear about—

  "Mmm fuck, you were so good." The woman moans out into his lips as he continues to work himself against her, directly in front of me.

I mean, this is my luck. I've been pinning over this asshole for a couple of weeks while he's been sleeping with this woman. He's been sleeping with who knows how many other women as well.

I feel a wave of absolute ridiculousness ride through me. I just feel so stupid. I can't even control the loud giggle that escapes me as I watch the two of them fuck with their clothes on like I'm in some type of sleazy, warped porno.

"I like that," the woman moans out. "If you remember, I like it rough, really rough. Just like you. I want you to make me scream like you did last time. Make me beg for more." My giggling immediately stops at the woman's words and so do Sean's ministrations. He actually backs away from the woman.

"No need to stop on my account, Sean." He cocks his head over his shoulder and looks at me in frustration. Oh boo. I've ruined his night. "By all means, keep going. I was just getting ready to enjoy the show, Sean." I can't help but laugh a bit more. "Why not just fuck her right in front of me? Do some of that rough sadist shit she was talking about. Sounds like it was a good time. She looks like she'd probably let you fuck her anywhere too." I look around him to the beautiful woman who's still leaning against the door, wanting more of him. "You would, wouldn't you?" I ask drunkenly. "You'd totally let him fuck you right up against the..."

"Monica, that's enough." I bring my focus back to an angry Sean and meet it with an equally irritated stare. At least I think I do. I can't really feel my face right now.

"Excuse me, bitch?" The girl is pissed off. Probably mad I'd interrupted her dick festivities.

"Ooooo," I laugh again, "what're you going to do, Miss BDSM?"

"You little bi..." She launches herself off the door but I just laugh. Yeah, come fight the drunk girl on the floor. Big challenge there.

"I think we should call it a night, Nora." Sean says, halting her.

"My name is Nadine, asshole!" She says some more things to him angrily but the darkness begins to seep over me again. I know I'm only a hot minute away from passing out right in the hallway.

They're arguing about me and I think she just called me a drunk loser but I don't really care. I feel like one right now, anyway. Plus, she shouldn't really be talking since she was about to let Sean fuck her right here in the hallway.

I think she just said she fucked him too to me, probably trying to hurt my feelings. I'd already assumed that anyway so no big surprise there. They continue for a moment but I'm too drunk to pay attention or to even care.

"What the fuck are you doing on the floor, Monica?" I make myself focus on the man in front of me who is now alone. I feel anger and sadness inside of me but I can't really decipher or display the emotions properly in my current state.

So, I shrug and say, "where the fuck have you been for the past month?"

"Monica, come on. Let's get you into your apartment." He kneels in front of me and begins looking over me. He's so beautiful. Why is he so damn handsome? "Hey, hey," he waves his hand in front of me, trying to get me to focus but I can't focus on anything really. "Where are your keys?" I shrug. I can't remember where they are. "God damn it, Monica."

His voice sounds far as his hands begin to pat my body down. But I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything at all. All I feel is darkness...

A/N:
I've often wondered if it's weird reading things from Monica's POV. Is it weird for all of you?