Like the Moon [H.S]

Chapter nine

Playlist: I'm still standing - Elton John.

Three years later

I'm riding through the center of Las Vegas enjoying the view. Neon signs, enormous buildings, plenty of lights that make me blink a few times. The wind blows my blonde hair and I'm breathing in this lavish atmosphere.

What I like about this city is the casinos being open around the clock. Expensive bars where I spent all my lonely evenings trying to forget how miserable I was and where I spent all my earned from casino money on drinks. All these three years I had a blast going from casino to casino. I have a good reputation among players. I always win and never lose. It sounds selfish but it's true. It turned out I'm not only lucky as Charlotte said but also talented. I cannot but be proud of myself.

I have changed a lot not only my appearance but my attitude to myself too. On my way to Las Vegas at one of the bus stations, I bought a box of hair dye and dyed my hair blonde in front of the mirror in the restroom. My eyes were screaming - a rebel.

Women usually do this out of despair or even sadness but not me. I believe it was my first step in building my new personality, my new life.

This color is definitely setting me free, no limits, no expectations, no regrets.

Carefree, relaxed, youthful.

I found a new hobby – cars. 

When I bought my first car I used to drive around the city in the evenings while listening to and singing old songs. There's a special kind of feeling when I think about cars. The speed - it's something that gives me the privilege. When I hit the gas pedal I feel the power I have never had. Power is to get your hands steady, get your nerves in control, be the fastest you can be. When you suddenly hit the brakes and your whole life flies through your head. It's a pleasure to feel these things.

The passion which only a few understand.

My favorite song on the radio snaps me out of my thoughts.

The sun starts to fall over the horizon. It's shining right into my eyes, so I have to put my glasses on. I blink as a few tears escaped from my eyes.

My topless car gives me full access to fresh air. The wind is so warm and pleasant, so I could possibly melt with happiness.

I look at the pavement trying to find something to focus my gaze on. Lots of people on the street having their moments. A few couples walking hand by hand smiling at each other. A kid asking his mom to buy ice cream and an old couple sitting on the bench, probably talking about their youth, cherishing those precious memories.

I pull my eyes away and look at the road ahead, slightly smiling to myself.

''You could never know what it's like. Your blood like winter freezes just like ice''

I hear the first lines of ''I'm still standing - Elton John'' and immediately turn the radio up more.

I love this song.

Starting singing along I feel the serotonin filling my body. I'm dancing on my seat and waving my arms at the rhythm of music, shouting lyrics in a playful way, trying to sing just like Elton.

My face is probably red and my heart race becomes quicker than two minutes before. In moments like this I'm satisfied and fulfilled, I know that life is just as it should be.

''I'm still standing after all this time. Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind.''

Bopping my head I have a sudden desire to stop the car and start swinging on the road.

I put my leg on the gas pedal and hit 120 mph on the speedometer.

A few strands of my hair fell on my face. I couldn't help but start to laugh, lifting my hand out in the window, feeling the intense wind hitting my palm.

Noticing the red light, I slow down and then stop at the crossroad.

There is a man looking at me from the car on my left side.

''I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!''  I scream right into his face and then burst out laughing.

He looks confused but still manages to smile.

As soon as the light became green I hit the pedal again and quickly drive away.

Time feels like it doesn't exist at this moment.

Later I pull up to the parking lot of the mall. My high heels are clicking on the floor while I walk inside the building. The floor is slippery and it makes me control the balance, so as not to fall and break something.

I'm welcomed by a big female statue. It always makes me feel special like I'm one of those ancient Gods. This mall is created to evoke the feeling of a Roman City. The walls here remind me of the rough stone of a Roman street. The ceiling looks like a cloud-filled sky. Next to me is the wall with a giant aquarium filled with different kinds of exotic fish.

It's easy to feel like you are transferred to those ancient times.

I make my way to the restroom and check whether I'm alone here or not. Looking at the half-sized mirror I fix my hair and retouch makeup. My hands gently run down the sides of my dress, felling the expensive fabric against my fingers.

I feel the wave of panic sweeping over me. I'm trying to control my breath but it doesn't work, so I have to do this again.

I take a little package of white powder out of my bag, making a tiny line using my credit card, then heading to the small table next to the sink, and snorting the cocaine.

After that night I started to have sudden panic attacks and I couldn't control them. Only drugs can return my confidence, exhilaration and get me out of aggression, anxiousness, and relieve me from the sudden desire to scream.

The intense pleasure, the adrenaline are running through my body.

I smile as I look at the mirror. My vision becomes blurred, the lightning in the room is noticeably brighter. Everything seems to be moving a little slower.

A feeling of weightlessness and unnecessary distractions fade into the background. Within a couple of minutes, whatever feelings of anxiety I had, have dissipated and it feels as if stress has completely vacated my body and mind.

###

I have visited plenty of shops trying to find the best outfit for tomorrow's night. When I bought some makeup stuff, I decided to pick out some jewelry. It was stupid of me because I didn't choose my outfit yet. 

I turn my head to the left as I hear a noise from the other corner of the mall. People are clapping and filming everything. It looks like the opening of a new store, I have to go there.

Have to confess the interior is divine. Sparkling dresses, expensive fabric, and here it is - suits. Taking a glass of champagne I came to look at them closer. 

''I have something that will perfectly suit your blonde hair.'' A male voice behind, makes me turn my head to face him.

What? No, no, no, it can't be real. I'm just high and I'm hundred percent sure that it's a hallucination. I take a sip of cold champagne and blink a few times. 

What if it's true and he is standing right in front of me after all these long years. I can't believe it's true. I have to make sure he is not the creation of my imagination.

''Jack, is that you?'' I ask, looking deep into his eyes.