Through The Len's Part Two

11: NAZ

IANS POV
I wake up in the morning not in my bed. It felt strange not having her laid next to me playing with Indie as she waited for me to wake up.

Last night flooded my mind. Her heartbroken sobs. Her eyes that were glasses over. Her shaken voice. She didn't shout. She didn't scream at me.

I went into our room to see Indie. "Morning." I say to her. She was snuggled up with Naz on our bed. I've not seen her like this for a while. Not since Indie's been home anyway. "Morning." She said back not moving an inch to look at me. "Where's Indie?" I asked noticing her not in the crib. "Chris picked her up. I said we had the flu." She sounded so tired. "I could have taken her today. So you could rest." "I think we need to have a chat don't you?" I looked at my feet.

"Naz has been breathing fun. We should take him to the vet." "Don't you think we should talk first?" "No. No I don't. He's sick." She warned me. "It's time E...I know it's hard. But it's time we said good bye." I nodded. She was right I could see he wasn't breathing properly from where I stood by Indie's crib. "Can we just forget about it?" She asked me. "Go back to how it was before?" She asked still not looking at me.

How could we go back to before? I've hurt her so badly. I saw it all over her face. I knew she was in pain. "Can you lay with him whilst I shower and change." She asked me softly. I climbed in the bed as she got out and she kid Naz's head on my lap. "I'll be quick." She told me.

She wasn't long at all and then I got changed and we took Naz to the vets. We said goodbye to him and held him whilst he drifted to sleep for the last time. I wrapped my arm around Bella as she cried.

When we got home it was quiet between us. Indie wasn't there babbling away her music wasn't plying. Her toys weren't making noise like it normally did. It was just silent between us. I only just realised how much I had forgotten to talk to her. All this time since it happened I tried to push her away to avoid her getting hurt. To avoid slipping up and making her world crumble. I knew how much she loved me. I knew she loved me for how much she tried with me over the past few months. The way she looked at me never changed. Even when I told her last night. Yeah she was in pain but the look of adoration was still present.

"Isabella?" We we're in the lounge. Not our family one neither of us could cope with going in there without Naz being laid on the love seat. She looked at me. "I mean it Ian can we just forget about it." I couldn't forget about it. I was still
Lying to her. "Ian please." She said straddling my lap. "Let's just pretend it never happen." Her lips ghosted my neck. "I can't lose you." She whispered to me before kissing up my neck. "Isabella please."

She pulled away. "We can leave. We can go to England for a while. It's always good there and we can get good again and it'll be okay. It has to be okay." She was spiralling. I cupped her face between my hands she was a skeleton. "Let's get some lunch." I say to her. She rested her head on my forehead. "Don't walk away from this. We can work through it." She was always fighting for what she wanted. She wanted us a family like she had for Indie. I wanted what I didn't have for Indie. "Please." I felt myself nodding. "Can we eat now?" I asked as I let one hand trace her body slowly I felt every dip every bone. She was smaller than she was when Indie was in the hospital. "I'm not that hungry." She whispers like it was a secret.

Then I remembered. Nina said she once had an ED. I began to start worrying again. We locked eyes both of us trying to read each other. "I have it under control." She tells me firmly. I shook my head. "You don't...baby, you're sick." I tell her. I could barley feel her weight on me as she sat. "I have." "You don't need to stop eating to feel like you have control baby." I brush her hair out of her face. She lent in to kiss me. To distract me. And it began to get intense between us. I forced myself to not touch her for months because I didn't want to make it worse between us by pretending it was all okay and then she found out and she'd feel used. I missed having her like this all to myself.