Through The Len's Part Two

23: I'm Not Giving Up

Indie was with Ian today so I was mean to be working but in reality, I was just walking around the house aimlessly with nothing to do because my only focus in life wasn't here. I had answered all my emails, edited all my self-tapes, I had cleaned the house, made some phone calls, baked cupcakes, ordered Christmas gifts, organised the playroom. There was nothing left for me to do. 

It was the longest day of my life. And when I finally got my little girl back I was so happy. I opened the door instantly after hearing the car pull up in the driveway. "Baby!" I say happily picking her up. "Muma!" She hugged me back. "Did you have a good day with daddy?" She nodded she looked so happy. "I missed you," I told her. "Missed you." She mimicked. I kissed her cheek. "Was she good?" I asked Ian looking at him for the first time. I smiled he was holding a bunch of flowers. Sunflowers. "For you." He handed them to me. I took them with my spear hand. "Thank you." I let him in and he closed the door. 

"What did you guys get up to?" I asked as I moved around the kitchen getting a vase and filling it with water. "We went to pick up sissy." He says to Indie's "And then we went to the zoo to see the animals." "Oh did you see the lions?" "Roar." She said and I laughed at her sound effects. "What are the flowers for?" I asked putting them on the island of the kitchen. "Just because." I looked at him unsure. 

"Indie can you go draw daddy a picture?" He asked her. She wriggled out of my arms and then ran off in the direction of her playroom. I looked at him expectantly. "I've decided that I'm not giving up on you." What was he on about? Not giving up on me. "If you wanted to be finished with me, you would have signed the divorce papers, you would have sold the house, you would have completely cut me out of your life. But you haven't. You invite me on your days out with Indie, you sit with me at parties. So I'm not giving up on you, on us. On our family. Because I love you. And I'll prove it to you." He said triumphantly. I smiled and ran my tongue across my teeth amused by his mini-speech. "So because I let you come over to see your daughter you think it's because I haven't checked out of things yet? Maybe it's because I want our daughter to have both her parents in her life." "You could do that and sign the divorce papers. You could do that and ignore my messages. You could do that and stop looking at me like that?" "Like what?" "How you look at me before you tell me you love me." I looked away from him. 

"I love you. And you're my wife." He tells me firmly. "And I'm your husband. And I fucked up and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I hurt our daughter. I'm sorry I fucked everything up between the two of us but I will make it right." I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't know if we will ever go back to the way they were. I want them to go back, I do but I don't know if I can trust him. I trust him with Indie. I trust him to show up. But do I trust him not to hurt me again? No, no I don't. I want to. But I trusted him before and I ended up with a broken heart. "So dinner tomorrow night, Claire's watching Indie for us. Having her over night." "Ian-"Look she's healthy, she's happy she can be away from us for longer than an hour." "I'm just not comfortble with that." "Bella, please, just try."

Indie came running in with a paper with scribbles on it and a big smile on her face. "Dada." She handed it to him and then came around to me making grabby hands and reaching up. I swiftly picked her up and placed her on my hip. "You hungry?" I asked her. "We ate like an hour ago." "Did she eat much?" "Half of her food." I nodded. "You want some fruit?" "Nanana." She said. "Banana." I corrected her and went to the fruit bowl to get her what she was asking for. I opened it and broke a piece off handing it to her. "Thank you." She said in her cute voice. "Your welcome baby." 

"So I'll pick Indie up at 5 and you at 7." "No." I say flatly. "No?" "I'm not leaving her over night. We can do lunch. She can go to Claire for a few hours." "Lunch isn't romantic." "Good thing we're shooting for friends then isn't it." I say with a smug smile on my face as i broke another piece off for Indie. "You're annoying." He said with a chuckle. "Thanks, I try." We both laugh. "Have you eaten today?" We left the kitchen. "Was waiting to see what Indie had ate." "So no." "No, no I haven't but I will." "Yeah, you will. Let's order something." "I have food in the house." I tell him. "I can cook." "But will you?" I shot him a look to stop pushing me. I'll eat when I have a minute.