First Chapter! Woo!
Characters: America, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Britain, France
America: I don't really understand the fuss over a will. When I die everything of mine just goes to Canada
Australia: what if he dies first?
America: SHUT UP. SHUT UP, AUSSIE. I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT.
~~~
Australia: have you seen America recently?
New Zealand: nope.
Canada: I haven't, but I know how to find him.
Canada: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM WHERE DID YOU GO
America, dropping from the ceiling: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM COTTON EYED JOE
Australia: *nearly falls over* When did you get here?
America: just now. I was summoned.
~~~
America: ...and that's why I think I should be allowed to own all the guns I want
Canada: okay okay I'm all for this. I love the colors, the whole design is amazing and the illustrations-
America: I drew them myself
Canada: one question though.
America: yeah?
Canada: this conversation started with me asking if you wanted syrup on your pancakes. How did our conversation has led up to this point?
~~~
America: *tries to create a sense of calm by lighting incense only to find out that the sticks were actually sparklers*
America: This is painfully on-brand actually.
~~~
America: I'm the sexiest bitch in this therapy waiting room-
~~~
Britain: You all are not-
America: YAINT
~~~
Australia: I have good news and I have bad news.
Britain: What's the bad news?
Australia: The kangaroo pooped in the tub.
Britain: Aussie, we don't have a kangaroo.
Australia: Now for the good news-
~~~
Australia: Why is New Zealand crying?
America: he saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-
New Zealand: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY
Australia: please don't say what I think you're gonna say
New Zealand: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH
Australia: NO NOT THAT
~~~
Britain, to his sons: Can you guys be serious for five minutes?
Australia: Our record is three
~~~
[at America's bachelor party]
Australia: Is this gonna be one of those cool bachelor parties where things go out of control and we murder someone and then we all have to take a blood oath to never reveal our secret?
Canada: Um... no?
Australia: Then I might have to leave early.
~~~
Canada: What are your answers for question 8?
Australia: I got 25.
New Zealand: I got 67.
America: I got George Washington... for some reason.
~~~
Britain: I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss. like silence, the absence of noise, one single moment undisturbed by sound...
~~~
America: Fortunately, I have sexy little bitch disease so i never understand a thing you guys are saying
~~~
France: We're here to learn how to treat each other with dignity and respect.
France: SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN!
~~~
Britain: gentle reminder not to eat too much candy before bed!
America: no
Britain: This was a gentle reminder, yet your words of defiance bring me ungodly amounts of rage
Australia: technically it was just one word of defiance
Britain: I want nothing more than to uppercut you directly to hell
~~~
New Zealand: So...uh, Dad, do you really think I'm not special?
Britain: What?
New Zealand: I heard ya on the phone and...
Britain: Oh, that! I was talking about your fern!
New Zealand:
New Zealand: You think Raymond's not special
~~~
Britain: Okay, we're having people over and so I want you on your best behavior
America, to New Zealand and Australia: yeah guys, listen to your father
Britain: America, I was talking to you
~~~
America: Don't try to butter me sideways
Canada: That is, without a doubt, the most southern thing you've ever said
~~~
Britain: I'll make you some tea
America: I don't want tea
Britain, walking away: it's not optional
~~~
Australia: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what America will and will not eat.
New Zealand: Grass? Yes!
Australia: Moss? Yes!!
New Zealand: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Australia: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
New Zealand: Worms? Sometimes!
Australia: Rocks? Usually nah.
New Zealand: Twigs? Usually!
Australia: Canada's cooking? Inconclusive!
Britain: How did you... test this?
New Zealand: You just hand them stuff and say 'eat this' and if they eat it, they eat it.
Britain: ... I don't know how to feel about this.
Canada: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?
~~~
America: Croissants: dropped
Canada: Road: works ahead
Australia: BBQ sauce: on my titties
New Zealand: Shavacado: fre
Britain:
Britain, grumpy: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
~~~
Britain: the security company called me about the alarm going off
America: Okay, the house was never on fire. Aussie set Canada on fire, and only on his pants, and we put it out.
~~~
Australia: I care deeply for nature.
America: You're wearing Emu-skin boots.
Australia: Well, I don't care about emus.
~~~
America: Ocean pollution is a huge problem, but there is an obvious solution.
America: Raccoons love to eat garbage. Therefore, if we trained a raccoon navy, they'd be able to go out into the sea and eat the ocean garbage. I don't see how this plan could go wrong!
~~~
Britain: Where's Canada?
America: Sorry, I haven't seen him since the last time I saw him.
Britain: But when was that?
America: the last time I saw him? Definitely the time I saw him last
~~~
*a loud 'bang' comes from down the hall*
Britain: *Comes storming in* Who did that?
France: *looking up from reading a book* no idea
Australia: *Looks up from his pet spider* Not me
New Zealand: *watching tv* Not me
Canada: *drinking his maple syrup* not me
Britain: Then who was it?
America: *Comes rolling in in a vase*
Everyone:
America:
Everyone:
America: Don't ask.
~~~
America: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play trumpet?
Canada: why?
America: i wanna walk around the house and annoy dad
Australia: technically you don't need to know how to play trumpet for that.
America, wiping a tear from his eye: you have truly opened my eyes, Aussie
YOU ARE READING
CountryHumans Incorrect Quotes
Fanfictionyeah uhm.... enjoy some skits, as me and my friends call them. I don't even know what characters are gonna be in here so.... hope it's good! Updates are slow but they will happen!! Also Disclaimer I don't support any of the bad things in this book i...
