Context: so i have recently discovered the idea that Louisiana, the voodoo capital of the world, and Florida, who needs no introduction, would be best friends and I just absolutely love it so for a lot of the following skits that's the context-
Florida: Good news and bad news.
America: *regretting everything already* Okay, bad news first.
Florida: The fire we started in the house is out of control.
America: THE WHAT-
Louisiana, holding a perfectly toasted pop tart: Wow so you don't even CARE about the good news.
~~~
Florida: So you know those powdered cheese packets you find in macaroni boxes?
Georgia: Yeah...?
Florida: And you know how there's that powdered lemons stuff and it comes in orange flavor too?
Georgia: Anything you'd like to admit right now?
Oregon, from the other room: What is wrong with this macaroni!?!?
Georgia:
Florida: Do you see my dilemma?
~~~
Florida: So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for ten minutes or 4,000 degrees for one minute.
Georgia: no that's not how you make cookies.
Florida: FLOOR IT???
Georgia: FLORIDA NO.
Florida: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR ONE SECOND.
Georgia: FLORIDA YOU ARE GOING TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN.
Florida: I'M GOING TO HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES.
Georgia: F L O R I D A!
~~
Florida: Hey Louisiana, what's a skeletons favourite instrument?
Louisiana: The tromBONE!
Florida: Trombone?!? Skeletons don't have lungs you idiot! It's bongos Louie, how could you not get that?
~~~
Florida: Why are you looking at me through a fork?
Georgia: I'm pretending that you're in jail.
Florida: Why?
Georgia: It's spiritually healing.
~~~
Louisiana: So what's the new rule here?
Oregon & Georgia: No daring Florida to do stupid stuff.
Louisiana: Why?
Florida, grumpily: Because I have no regard for my personal well being...
~~~
Florida @ getting a surgery: Louisiana, if I die during the operation, will you do one thing for me?
Louisiana: Oh, anything, Florida.
Florida: Blow up the hospital.
Louisiana: Well, I said I'd do it, so I guess I'll have to.
~~~
Florida: Suspicion slides off me like.. like whatever it is water slides off of.
[5 hours later]
Florida: DUCKS!
Georgia: What?
Florida: That's what water slides off of.
Georgia: Just drive the car, please.
~~~
Maybe for once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding 'You're making a scene'.
— Florida, definitely
~~~
Florida: trust me, I have a method to my madness!
Oregon: I don't trust the method or the madness.
~~~
Everyone: *having fun on a road trip together*
Florida: *on the side of the road after he got kicked out for asking "Are we there yet?" too many times*
Florida, to a dead raccoon: You want some of my Caprisun?
~~~
Florida: Look guys, stop whining. "School" ain't gonna start until I tell it to. Do you want to know why?
Georgia, concerned: Uh, why, Louisiana?
Louisiana: I don't know, Georgia. Why, Florida?
Florida: BECAUSE I STOLE A CAR. GET IN, GUYS.
~~~
America, going on a trip: *holding a bowl filled with little pieces of paper*
America: Since im going to be gone several days, I've left you all a bowl of advice.
America: *picks one piece of paper*
America: Florida, stop doing that! See? Applies to everything.
~~~
Florida: Oh please, I'm not that stubborn.
[later]
Florida: *going up escalators that are going down*
Louisiana, from the top: Just admit that you made a mistake and go to the other one.
Florida, continuing to go up: I made a decision and I'm forever committed to it until it's finished.
~~~
Georgia: Do you know what this is, Florida?
Georgia: A chance to do the right thing.
Florida: Oh, I love those moments.
Florida: I like to wave at them as they pass by.
~~~
Florida: You left me for a few minutes at the party and the next thing I know, I'm drunk.
Georgia: Why would you do that?
Florida: You're like 90% of my impulse control.
~~~
Oregon: Are you okay? And/or what is wrong with you?
Florida: A popular question
~~~
Florida: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'.
Florida: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.
~~~
Florida: When things get you down, remember the three Gs. You can be stressed and depressed, but at least you'll be fabulously dressed!
Louisiana: Florida, none of those words even begin with G.
~~~
Florida: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday
Louisiana: Wednesay
Florida: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible
~~~
Oregon: I have a bad feeling about this...
Florida: What do you mean?
Oregon: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Florida: No.
Oregon: That actually explains so much.
~~~
Florida: Bureaucracy is confusing.
Florida: That's why I prefer arson: it's simple.
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CountryHumans Incorrect Quotes
Fanfictionyeah uhm.... enjoy some skits, as me and my friends call them. I don't even know what characters are gonna be in here so.... hope it's good! Updates are slow but they will happen!! Also Disclaimer I don't support any of the bad things in this book i...
