♡︎♡︎♡︎
♔︎Lay♔︎
We didn't have to wake up as early as we would, usually, because we're just revisiting the parks at this point. We're going back to Epcot today. We're going at around 12 and here I am up at 10, while Cam is sleep.
He's been sleeping a lot more than me since he started school last year. I understand why though, that baby be workin.
So I'm up watching "Say Yes To The Dress", this show pisses me off, but ima still watch it. It only pisses me off because the people that the bride to be brings with her, they're asses like baby shut up. If the bride says she likes the dress then shut up and let her like it, like don't go and say some ignorant shit like "you look fat in it" "ew it's so ugly, then go on and laugh.
That's just so fucked up to me. Personally I could never, I'd be smackin bitched left and right. Anywayssssss, I'm lowkey ready to get married to this man but I'm not at the same time. Yes of course I wanna be with him til he gets old and dies, while I stay young and live. But ion know, at times I do feel like I'm not enough.
Almost as if he deserves more cause he does. I feel sometimes I can't be there the way he wants be to because of past things, of course I'm working on that for him and myself. I really do think this man deserves the world and I'm not fully giving it to him. Like, I'm mean to him for no reason, like what am I doing that for. Then I'd go on and bring race into it as a joke of course but ion know.
It's just a lot that I think is wrong with me and he needs better than me. But, I'm just overthinking and doin too much. I'll get over it.
"LAYANEE!"
"wha- huh"
"what's wrong with you"
"nothing, why"
"you're crying" I felt around my face and wiped the tears
"what's wrong"
"nothing"
"it obviously is if you're crying"
"i didn't mean to, it's nothing"
"people just don't cry for no reason espically you, we're not leaving til you tell me"
I let out a sigh,"i personally don't feel like enough for you"
"what?😐"
"yea"
"why not"
I started explaining to him why and I guess I started crying in the process, so he pulled me into a hug after I was done explaining.
"did i give you a reason to feel that way layanee" he asked as I backed up away from him a lil.
"no" I let out as best as I could
"so why would you ever feel that way"
"i really can't tell you cause i don't know, the thoughts just come randomly"
"does this have anything to do with your depression"
"it might 🤷🏾♀️"
"lay i don't like how you're shrugging this off like it's nothing"
"i mean it kinda is"
"it's not, why in the hell wouldn't you feel good enough for me"
"i told you"
"because you're mean sometimes, layanee stop. you've been this quote on quote mean since we met and i still fell in love and got with you"
