Elements #Wattys2015

Chapter ThirtySix

"Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star." -e.e. cummings
***
My feet seem to carry me somewhere, or to someone. My breathing is leveled. I seemed to be calm though the place looked scary I don't like it. I don't think I ever liked it. Eros is in front of me on a string. I stare at him. No emotion. Just looking with a strait face. But my insides are screaming in rage. There crying in loss. They suffer. His arms are hanging from a thread. His fingers covered in blood. His blood. He's wearing a party hat with a wide grin on him. He looks awake. He looks drunk. But he looks... Different. His gold hair becomes darker. I walk closer to him. Or it. To my surprise finding a small puppet holding a piece of paper: Its not Eros. It's someone else. The note reads. I think I know who it is because I start to run. Fast. Crumbling the note in my hands. Swinging the puppet. My breathing is rapid. I'm dizzy and confused. Yet I think I know what I'm doing. I'm in a maze my mind repeats. But I'm not. I recognize the place. I know my way around it. But I'm confused... Because I may know the place yet I still don't.

If it makes sense.

Screaming are coming from both directions. One one side I see burning flames igniting on the lake. On the other is Petals made of something toxic falling on to the ground. People trying to dodge them but seem to fail. Behind me is an endless road. Above me are stars. In front of me is a trigger. Everyone you love seems to die." Asher gags next to me. I look at him who seems to be detached from his body of a chair. I small cry escapes my lips as I quickly cover my mouth realizing that if I make a noise I could possibly die. He looked like what Eros last looked like. Like only strings where holding him. Tears storm out of my eyes as I begun to focus on Mrs. Gravel... The one who's holding the gun.

"Oh thank god." I say. "I'm so confused. What's going on." My tears dry. Asher is screaming next to me as I ignore him. Can you hear me? His voice in my head. She did it sky.

"Did what!" I scream at him in confusion.

"Mrs. Gravel. Can you help?" I say again. "I'm confused."

Her grin is wide. Then I hear it...

She did it. Everyone I love is hurt... Looking down at my bloody body. My eyes wide and shock taking in my last breath. And I fall hitting my head. She did it.

My head jerks up as I look into the darkness and the flowers I threw in the trash. It was a dream... But it seemed realistic. I still feel... Dead. I still hear Asher's voice. And I still see my blood and the pain. I look at my stomach to find where the bullet went but it seemed clean. I could heal over night? I am positive that happened. It seemed so real. I get up thinking about one thing.

I need to see Asher.

Quickly I change and head out the door going to the opposite side of the building until I find myself face to face to his door. My hands reach to knock on it. Please don't answer. I've done a mistake. But the door swings open looking at Kyle with his new hair cut. Am I suppose to notice his cut and say nice hair cut and leave? Or should I just-

"What up." He greets. I'm fine and you? Never mind I don't want to know how you are. Your the least of my worries. "Can I um... Speak to Asher." What the hell are you doing? Why am I here. Why didn't Cindy stop me. I don't even think Cindy was in the room. It's dark she should be in the room. I feel sick. Almost like I'll start to throw up. And when Asher comes to the door I'm seriously starting to throw up as I look at his lipstick stain on his neck. What the-

"Sorry for bothering you." I said bitterly. I move my eyes away from his neck and at my shoes. I do to know why I'm here. Now that I saw him I feel like I have been shot. That I'm the one held by strings. "It's fine. I wasn't doing anything." He quickly said. My eyes fling up to his eyes. He just lied... He thinks I dang see in this dark. "Sure whatever." I sarcastically say.

"I need the name of the guy you where playing pool with." I say. I know his name. His name is Ronan. But I guess sometimes you do something stupid when you realize your a fool. I realize I came to see him. Not to ask for Ronan.

"Why?" He asked.

"That's personal." No it's not, "just if you know his name tell me."

He looks at me giving me a questioning look. I honestly do not care what he looks at right now. It bothers me that he wasn't looking at me in the beginning. Instead just took me out to see the stars kissed me than threw me away. I crack my knuckles as I stand waiting for an answer. Angry rises and gets to my mind. Sadness is washing over me. And happiness is waving goodbye. Instead covered up with fear. I let him in. But now I think I should lock it and burry it in the back of my mind. I should never take it out until I am forced to. And that, will never happen. I Think I just felt my heart rip. It probably stopped beating. Do I look like I'm panicking? Do I look like a confused mess?

"Is everything okay?" He asked walking closer.

"No!" I quickly say realizing my mistake "I need to know his name!" I cover up. I'm not okay. That stain is not mine. It's probably the girls he's with. What hurts more is that he kissed me and then threw me away. He kissed me and thought he was allowed to. I was to easy. It's my fault. Maybe I shouldn't let him in. I won't let him in.

I said that before, but I broke it. He doesn't earn my heart... Maybe if he earned it I would earn his. It's an privilege to be someone's love. But an honor to be there last. I want to know who will be my last. I fell for Asher. I actually began to like him. But I can't go back to what I used to see him. I may think he's someone I should stay away from. But then I'm closer to him. Now I'll dig my territory. Raise my bars... No ones crossing them. Not even Asher. Everyone I love gets hurt... Maybe it's Everyone I love hurts me.

"Why did he hurt you?"He says stepping closer.

"Stop." I whisper taking in sharp breathes. My breathing is fast and I'm about to panic. "Please stop."

"Skylar are you okay?" His hand grab my arm. I pull back my arm.

"No I'm not okay. Do I look okay? I hope I don't. I'm asking you for a name and I get questions. I don't want questions. I want my answer. There personal. You can't know my entire life. Your like a warning. But no, unlike me I don't read it. I should asked someone else for His name. But instead you don't give it to me. Is it illegal for me to ask for names? Am I not suppose to know what to follow? Just... If you don't know it leave." I don't understand why I'm mad. I don't understand anything. I can't read Asher's face. It's just blank.

"Ronan. That's his name." He says putting his hand down and backing away. I let out a breath I was holding. I've become a monster. I look down at me feet as I feel tears crowd up my eyes "I'm not coming tomorrow night." I say before I turn and leave never turning around never looking at the door.

I screwed up. Maybe this is what my dream was trying to tell me... Maybe Asher didn't like me. Maybe he was just using me.

Or maybe I understood things differently.

Either or tears still fall and I'm still hurt.