nine thousand miles | cazzie

twenty six

5 years later...

I had gotten used to being alone.

5 years ago, I was completely different. It was hard for me to be alone. I always needed the company of others or I would go crazy. But nowadays, the silence was a norm except for the sound of my golden retriever who would bark at the passing joggers or lay his head on my lap.

Erika had moved to a different state with Quinn. She got into a great Ivy League school for biomedical science and found a prestigious job there. But she only visited every once in a while because it was hard for her to be away from work. I'm currently a resident at the local hospital. I decided to do medicine instead of biomedical science since my passion for it had been tainted by the experience with Jarvis. But I don't regret my decision one bit.

The dog scurried into the room to lie down next to me on the bed. He seemed to be able to tell that my loneliness was particularly radiating today. My dad checked in with me in the morning and that was the only form of human communication I got.

The pictures of me and Casey lined my walls and waking up every morning to them sent an ache through my heart because of how much I missed her.

The events that took place 5 years back in Sydney continue to haunt me every single night.

"Izzie... I'm so sorry."

I couldn't breathe.

"Wh... what? Quinn what happened?" I muttered, haunting thoughts now crippling my mind.

"We... we need to go..."

The next thing I remembered were the hospital lights. When Quinn finally revealed what happened after constantly choking on her tears, I found myself unable to move. My dad and Erika literally had to drag me and Quinn out of the room, because we simply could not accept it.

When the stench of medicine hit my nostrils, and the white, glaring light of the hospital unit hit my eyes, it became real.

I ran to the first nurse I could find and violently gripped his arm. I was losing control. "C... C... Casey..." I mumbled and he looked at me with confusion. "Ma'am, are you here to see someone?" He asked politely and I couldn't muster a word.

"Casey Gardner! Is she here?" My dad said, trying to remain as calm as possible, pulling me away from the nurse.

His face dropped. "Casey's in ward 17A," He said and I ran off before he could continue. I heard Quinn ask him, "Is she going to be okay?" and he replied with a, "The doctor will tell you everything."

All that was going through my mind right now was, "It should have been me. Not her."

When I finally reached 17A, after what seemed like hours, I pushed the doors open and was greeted by the crying face of Elsa and the distressed look on Sam's. I slowly walked in, scared to see what was behind the curtain.

The doctors looked shock when I entered. "Izzie Taylor?" They asked and I didn't respond. I felt Casey's soft arms wrap around me and I relaxed a little. Until I realised it wasn't her. It was Elsa. They just have the exact same touch.

"Mrs... Mrs Gardner... she... she..."

Why couldn't I make sentences? Why was it so hard to say something?

Elsa cried a little harder and hugged me a little tighter. "She's behind the curtain," She whispered and I tensed up.

Oh God, I didn't wanna see what happened.

"Ms Taylor, you may see Casey now," The doctor said. I found the effort to let go of Elsa. She continued to hold my hand as she led me to behind the curtain.