Wolfstar oneshots

But everybody wants you

Warnings: Negative thoughts, implied suicide thoughts but not actually.
Work count: 1466

Summary: Remus can't except the fact the Sirius loves him. Lots of angst

I ran out of the room with tears in my eyes. This isn't happening, it can't be. Sirius just told me he loved me.

It all started with a game of truth or dare when me and Sirius were dared to do 7 minutes in heaven. At first we just joked around and talked before he leaned in and kissed me. I kissed him, I figured it was just part of the game even though I'd been dying to kiss him since year three and it was amazing. When we both finally pulled apart he told me that he loved me and looked straight into my eyes.

He looked so sincere I almost cried but then reality came crashing back down on me and I ran from the closet, leaving him there shocked and confused. I ignored the calls of my friends as I left the Gryffindor common room and went to my secret hideout. The astronomy tower.

This must be a joke there's no way Sirius actually loves me. I knew Sirius was all about pranks and practical jokes but if that's what this is than he's taken it too far.

I'd never dated anyone before and I don't think that even if I could and wanted too anyone would ever want to be with me. Even without the scars and my condition I'm still ugly and weird and boring.

I'm too tall and lanky and I'm weirdly proportioned. My hands are too big and my arms are too thin and long. My hair is boring and frizzy and looks like a mop and my skin is full of imperfections and dents. I'm not interesting or funny in fact I'm rude and sarcastic and have no hobbies besides sitting in the library and reading. I'm not good enough for anyone let alone Sirius. Not Sirius who is so full of life and laughter and love and makes everyone drool as he walks by. Not Sirius who's smart and makes people look for mischief and adventure.

I sat at the ledge of the astronomy tower as I do so many nights and let my mind wander. Sometimes I would think about my future, where I'd be, where I'd live, If I'd even be alive. my future was uncertain unlike some others and even if it wasn't I knew it wasn't something to look forward to.

Sometimes I would let myself dream and think about impossible things. About being healthy and normal. About living with Sirius in a small apartment and coming home to see him and waking up next to him. I let myself have these fantasies because they were so impossible it was easy to pretend and not worry about reality.

Now that Sirius had told me he loved me my fantasy turned to reality and it came crashing down because it just wasn't possible. None of that could happen. I couldn't live with him and wake up next to him or come home and kiss him before dinner. I couldn't be with him because I'd drag him down and burden him with all my problems. I couldn't have a real job or pay for an apartment. I couldn't make Sirius happy or fill his need for excitement. All it ever was was a fantasy and that's all it will ever be.

Even if Sirius did love me it would be cruel for me to let him get close to me. He deserves better and I'd be putting him in danger everyday. I'd be preventing him from having everything he deserves and striving for the greatness I know he can accomplish.

I love Sirius more than Anything but it just can't happen. I won't allow it.

I stood up next to the ledge, I wasn't doing anything, just watching the moons reflection on the water and admiring the beauty that is Hogwarts.

"REMUS?!" I heard my name called and I turned around to face Sirius. His eyes were wide and he looked panicked. "Remus please. I didn't mean to upset you just please come here. If this is about me and what I said and did you don't have to worry, if you don't feel the same I wont bother you. I wont make it awkward and you can even ignore me for the rest of your life just please step away from there." he said rambling and reaching towards me in fear.

I only now realized what he was talking about and I stepped forward away from the ledge like he asked. "I'm sorry Pads, I didn't mean to scare you. It's really not what it looks li-" I started but he ran towards me and practically jumped onto me, wrapping me up in a hug.

"Please don't leave me Moons, even if you never talked to me again it would be better than that. I wouldn't be able to handle it if you were gone. I can't live without you Moons." He said still hugging me tightly.

I was still shocked by everything he was saying and I knew now there was no way this was a joke. I put my hand on the back of his hand and stroked his hair softly as he cried against my chest, still holding me like he was afraid I would slip away.

"shh, It's okay Pads. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'm right here, I'm not leaving you." I said cooing him gently. I pulled a very reluctant Sirius away slightly so I could look at him and wipe the tears from his cheeks. He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes. Merlin, I wanted to kiss him.

"Does that mean you love me too?" He asked. I didn't know what to say. Of course I did, it wasn't even a question but could I really tell him that. I hesitated too long and he seemed to panic slightly. "I mean it's okay if you don't, I'll understand." He said, lowering his head as the tears filled his eyes once more.

'Hey, no no don't cry." I said lifting his head so we met eye to eye. He looked at me hopefully and I only now realized how much my silence was hurting him.

"Listen Sirius, I wont lie I do love you. I've loved you since as long as I can remember and I want nothing more than to be with you but I just can't. People like me aren't meant to be in a relationship. It's a completely different thing than going out on full moons with me and hanging around like we do as friends. I'm not stable and I'll only end up hurting you. You deserve better than that. Better than me."

He looked at me as if I was crazy. The tears in his eyes were gone and the sad look that took over his face was now met with one of confusion.

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." He said plainly. "We both know that's a load of bullshit and I'm fully capable of making my own decisions thank you very much." He looked almost angry now, like I was depriving him of something.

I sighed and looked down at my feet. "Even if it wasn't for all of that why would you even want me anyways? You could have anyone. I mean anyone. You do realize how ridiculous a match like us would make, right? A rich pureblood who's as gorgeous as a fucking statue with an ugly, poor, temperamental werewolf who's covered in scars." I stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Sirius glared at me with such passion I actually took a step back. "Don't you ever call yourself ugly Remus John Lupin. Ever! You are the most perfect person I have ever met in my entire life and I don't give a shit if you're poor or temperamental, you're my Moony and I love you. If this is the reason that you've been refusing me than give it up because there is no way in hell I will ever give up!" He said walking forward until I had my back pressed against the wall and he was standing right in front of me, looking up at me with pure determination in his eyes.

I didn't know what to say and it was now my turn to have tears in my eyes. Instead of talking I leaned forward and kissed him firmly on the mouth, grabbing the back of his neck as he put his hands on my chest.

When we pulled away I said a simple three words that told him all he needed to know.

"I love you"

Sirius's face lit up and he once again leaned in to kiss me and this time my fantasy really did become reality.