Wolfstar oneshots

662,256,000 seconds

Warnings: Implied suicidal thought, implied depression

Work count: 530

Summary: Remus's angsty thoughts after the war.

662,256,000 seconds.

I had twenty-one years. Twenty-one years. 252 months. 7,665 days. 662,256,000 seconds.

That's how long I had to be happy.

662,256,000 might sound like a big number, hell twenty-one hears might even sound like a long time but for me it wasn't nearly enough.

Even in the "good years" it wasn't at all easy. It was painful and sad. It was beyond difficult and stupid young me thought it might some day get better. Oh how I was wrong.

Things didn't get better for people like me, for monsters. Despite what my friends wanted to believe.

I'd allowed myself to have false hope. To believe I could have a future, one where I was happy and loved. One where the world didn't seem so cruel.

I had 662,256,000 seconds before my friends died. Before one of them betrayed me and before the one I loved was put in prison. I had 662,256,000 seconds before my world came crashing down and despite what I thought, I wasn't the first to go and only now that I'm alone did I realize that I wished I was.

For years I had wished I was dead. I'd wished my body would give out and I'd be let free. No burdens, no pain in my aching joints, no heartbreak over the beautiful boy I'd accidently fallen in love with. Just oblivion, nothing but air and light. At least that's how I'd liked to imaging it. That's how I'd like to imaging my passed on friends who deserved so much more time. So much more happiness. How could the world be so cruel to such beautiful people. That was what I hated most, out of everyone in the world, they had to choose the most forgiving, the most loving, the most thoughtful people to take away.

You never know what the future has in store but this was something I'd never expected. Not even I could have come up with a fate so cruel, so sickening. Time is precious and the truth is no one really knows how to use it. No one knows what they should and shouldn't be doing with it and I say waste it away. There's' nothing more beautiful in the world then the wasted moments of our precious time we spend laying in the sun with nothing but the chirping of the birds ad the heat radiating off the body of the person we love.

We spend our time making memories because they are always so much more beautiful to look back on, sometimes painful too but I can tell you that they will always mean a thousand times more once they are far enough away to call a memory. Always a thousand times more precious.

I spent most of my days after my clock of happiness ran out thinking of these memories, the good and the bad because even the bad make me wish I could go back. Back to when the pain was more physical than emotional because even that hurt less.

I spent my days cherishing the wonderful memories I'd made in those 662,256,000 seconds and wish I could go back.

I spend my new, currently ticking seconds wishing they would stop.