The Fault Line (GxG)

40. It will never be enough

I ran and I ran against the wind. The breeze is cool as it touched my heated skin. My legs stopped as I reached the line. Breathlessly, I sat down on the soaked grass. No matter how strong and bright the sun shines, the light won't get through the thickness of the clouds. A darkness is refusing her as tears crash against the earth. Perhaps that is the world's way to show its pain. To let us know that it's had enough. She is saturated with everything and everyone that has made a rift, a tear to its beautiful soul. 

What I only thought were raindrops that dripped down my face has now been mixed with my own tears. The void that's been carving through my chest has only grown. Left a hole that I can't seem to fill up. It's missing something deeply. Something that I never thought would hurt as much as it does. Emptiness surely is thicker than what most people think. The constant images that flip on and on as if it had a repeat button. If only there were an off-setting. 

Time truly is agonizingly slow. Hours turn to days and minutes to hours. It certainly grabs hold of me. It pulls me down to the point I can't stand on my own feet anymore. How can one person steal every part of you? How can someone possess such power? How can someone take one's happiness, heart and soul? Then leave them with nothing but a space full of nothingness. 

"Oh my god, Wilder, you ran like crazy," Lynda said between breaths as she appeared behind me. My mouth reminded closed, glued with something words could never speak off. I raised my knees to my chin and closed my eyes as I let the waves crash against the shore. Finally satisfied as they have been begging for release for so long. Voices and splashes of water made me wrap my arms around my head. 

"Wilder?" Lynda laid her hand on my shoulder. I shook it off as want to be alone. To be left alone to feel this pain take over me. My teammate's concerned mumbles dance around my ears. I shut it off as I let myself surrender to the thought of green, brown eyes. That softness in them turned my entire world upside down. Those lips brought joy whenever she smiled. The warmth of her skin collided with my own as she slept at night. Her endless conversations about everything brought peace over my mind. 

"I know," Lynda settled her cold and wet hand above my arm.

"It's been months and I'm sorry she couldn't come when she was supposed to," She said and the reminder deepened the wound.

"Or the fact that she's always traveling or busy. I know it hurts, Wilder and I'm sorry," Lynda has nothing to apologize for. It's not her fault that Nico hasn't been here for the past four months. It's not her fault Nico doesn't have time for me to visit. It's not her fault that I'm standing at the bottom of an endless swirl of misery. 

"I'm really pathetic, aren't I?" I laughed it out but then cried. 

"No, of course not. You miss her and you have every right to be hurting," She explained and this time, I found the strength to look my dear friend in the eyes. Lynda smiled as she laid her arm around my back. 

"Let's go back," She stood up and offered me a hand. I looked at it for a while before I shook my head. 

"Just give me a moment," I said as I need some time to put myself back together. Lynda sent me a smile before she disappeared along with the rest of them. The clothes that I put on were once dry but now stained with wetness. Raindrops slide down every limb and every hair strand, bringing a chill that shakes me to the bone. Yet, for some odd reason, it feels good. Maybe because I know I brought this pain upon myself. That I know that I deserve to feel it all. How foolish was I to believe that I could sink so far down for someone without drowning? Like Nico told me: You weren't supposed to happen. Right now, I wish I could say the same to her. 

"I'm not changing it to number thirteen. You can forget about that. It's always going to be number ten," She said and I swallowed deeply as I stiffened. Arms were wrapped around my waist as she leaned her chin on my shoulder. I let out a breath as I leaned back into her embrace. Relived tears slipped down my face as I pressed my cheek against hers. 

"You're always going to be my number ten," She whispered over the rain. It was as if a flood of anger broke down the gates. I stood up from the puddle that I sat in and stared down at Nico. The sight of her left me speechless. I can't believe I had almost forgotten how it felt each time I looked at her. It's like watching the sunrise for the first time. The view is breathtaking as the warmth washes over me and the light fills up every dark gap inside of my soul. 

Nico raised herself and hesitated to take that one step that separated us. She bit the bottom of her lip before deciding to place her hand onto my cold cheek. The touch is soothing, comforting, but then she closed her eyes tightly as her lip trembled. 

"I have cried myself to sleep more times than I can count," As she spoke, drops of rain slide down her beautiful features.

"I thought about you all the time. I tried, I swear I tried so hard to come back to you," She shook her head. 

"It's been hectic," She bites her lip then tilted her head. 

"That's why I'm asking, no, I'm begging you," She pleaded and breathed deeply as to calm down her nerves. 

"Please, come to England with me. I can't take it anymore. I feel so shattered without you and nothing except you can keep me together. I can even get you to the tryouts and,"

"Yes," I answered before even given it a thought. Nico's eyes widened as if she didn't expect me to say that. 

"Really?" She said, so hopeful.

"I'll go wherever you go," I said as I have given up on everything. I can't take another second away from her not any longer. It's as if I have finally been able to let out that breath that I have been holding for so long. Nico grabbed my shirt and pulled me into her. She held me so tightly I thought she would never let me go. Yet, she did, but only to place a kiss on my forehead. 

Roughly, Nico pulled me into my dorm room. I had to kick the door shut and lock it in a hurry as she kept thugging desperately onto my arm. When I turned back to her, she had reached for the bottom of my shirt. She didn't even give me a second to breathe. Stuck to my skin, she finally got it off me. Hands placed onto my cheeks, she crashed her lips against my own. Her mouth tastes like raindrops and tears. 

I grabbed her hoodie and slid it over her head. Nico bit her lip unsurely as she pulled my shorts down. I slide myself out of them, happy to be free from the dampness of the clothes. She brought off her pants and then impatiently, she dragged me over to my bed. Then laid down, with the sweetest laugh, Nico tried to untangle herself from the sheet. Eventually, she got it away from underneath herself.  She took my hand and I laid down above her. 

The coldness of our skin touched each other and Nico's mouth opened to let out a gasp. Then, with two fingertips, I slide them from her temple, cheek, down the side of her throat until I stopped them on her collarbone. The tenderness in her eyes made me stop breathing. How did I come in possession of such a beauty? How did those eyes, those cheekbones, and those lips become mine? How did I surrender my walls so easily? How did I fall so hard? It was never a choice, was it? To allowed her in. To accept defeat.  You just have to lose. The thing is I wanted to lose all this time. 

"Are you okay down there?" I whispered. The smile on her face could outshine any star, any sun.

"Are you okay up there?" She said in return and as I smiled I traced her bottom lip with my fingertip. 

"Yes," I leaned down so close that her breath tickled my lips. 

"Now I am," I closed the gap between us. To taste her. To feel her as I know that no matter how many times I do. 

It will never be enough. 

The End