Hungry Heart.

Chapter 36 - Believe in this.

"You are making this difficult" Nikki mumbled tiredly. Rach wasn't interested in talking about what had happened between them. She wasn't interested in sleep. But she was very interested in Nikki in her bed.

"I'm sorry" She replied quietly removing her hands from his chest. He snatched her hands right back and put them where they were. Her heart thudded, he was acting exactly how she wished he had before. But at the same time it terrified her. This wasn't Nikki. She pulled away from him and sat up with a sigh.

"I don't trust you." She sniffed as she tried to blink away the tears forming in her eyes. "You love me one minute, you throw me away the next. How can I believe anything you say?"

"I don't expect you to believe me. But I do love you Rach. And I didn't want to face that. Rockstars don't fall in love" He snorted to himself. "You were a threat."

"And you were just a boy" Rach replied looking over her shoulder at him. She ran a hand over his chin, unshaven stubble daring to come through. "Are you a man now Nikki?"

She did it again. Looked right through the demeanour he put on in front of everyone. From the first time they met, she could see his innocent ways. He could see the love sick teenager daring to follow her around for the rest of his life. It terrified him. That's why he had to sleep around, get strung out. He was Nikki fucking Sixx. And she made him feel like little Frank Feranna.

"I'm man enough to know what I want Rach" He said sternly. "I'm not fucking around here. I promise."

Rach knew she could only take his word for it. But what about her life here? She felt his lips on her bare shoulder as he sat behind her. He wrapped his arms around her as she sunk back into him.

"I love you Rach" He murmured as he kissed behind her ear. "Please don't leave me."

"Why don't we fuck and then see how you feel tomorrow" Her response was automatic, her defences were up, she couldn't help it.

"No" He said simply, resting his forehead on her shoulder with an exhale. "You need to let me get through to you."

He watched as she moved away from him, her demeanour changing completely as she wrapped a blanket around herself.

"You insulted me, pushed me away. You tried to get me on Heroin for gods sake" Rach ranted as she held the blanket tightly to her. "You cheated on me, you left me. You treat me like someone you hate, Nikki!"

"But that's the thing I don't hate you. I love you and I was scared and I ju-"

"No. Fuck you" She cried angrily. "Fuck you for treating me like dirt. Fuck you for coming here and thinking that you can make this all better."

Nikki had been round this conversation with her before. He stood up and walked over to her. She tried to push him away, she tried to hit him gently to deter him. He held her close as she sobbed, he needed to fix this.

-

Rach woke at the sound of her bedroom door closing. Her heart automatically felt heavy, he had probably left..Again. But the weight of his arm across her suggested otherwise. She sat up carefully and blinked the sleep from her eyes.

"You stupid stupid girl"

Caroline stood with her arms crossed looking down. At the sight of Rach tangled with Nikki. Rach told her to be quiet and Caroline tutted.

"He broke your heart Rachel. And yet, you let him back time after time." Caroline ranted. "You came to me looking for a way out. I gave you one and this is how you repay me."

"We were just talking" Rach moaned as she ran a hand over her face. "It doesn't mean I'm gonna leave you or whatever."

"You really think Nikki Sixx could handle his girlfriend being a groupie?" Caroline chuckled to herself. "No. He couldn't. But you can't handle being his pick me up, only for him to put you down when he wants. Can you?"

Rach had no response. She knew Caroline was right, no matter how many times Nikki had claimed it would be different.

"You don't have Tommy anymore. He has no time for you. Lita doesn't even know where you are. You have nobody but me Rachel" Caroline took Rach's chin in her hand and forced her to look up. "I have what you are looking for."

"And what's that?" Rach growled pulling herself away from Caroline.

"He's a star on the rise. He's very very good. He's very eccentric. He's looking for someone like you." Caroline smiled.

"What if I don't want to be some rockstars toy anymore?" Rach snapped. "You don't know what's best for me Caroline."

"Yeah well, someone's got to look out for you. You don't exactly look out for yourself" Caroline frowned before leaving the room.

Nikki had been awake since Caroline had come in, listening to their conversation. He didn't like what Caroline was suggesting. He didn't like that she was persuading Rach to stay. He had to get her outta there.

-

"We are coming off the road soon" Nikki mentioned as they walked along the street later that afternoon. Rach took Nikki's hand and pulled him back with a smile. She nodded towards the record store across the road and he grinned. They ran across the road hand in hand.

They looked at the records lined up, Rach was in the rock section. Nikki was looking at the glam stuff. Rach found the Motley Crue section and smiled as she ran a hand over their first two records. She moved them out the way to see Theatre of Pain sat there. The record that symbolised a time when it all went to shit.

"Come here often?" She heard him whisper as he put a hand on her waist. She rolled her eyes as he nipped at her ear. He took the Theatre of Pain record from her grasp and looked at it. It wasn't his favourite. Not by any means.

"I've got a lot of material for the next one. Do you wanna see?" He asked looking at her hopefully, anything to bring her back to the bus.

"I don't know" She sighed putting the record back. "I'm meant to be getting a greyhound soon. Got a new city to see."

"Where are you going?" He asked as he followed her out the store.

"Caroline has set up a meeting in Seattle with a band. They need the support, they are getting popular  apparently."  Rach shrugged. She didn't want to leave, but she couldn't stay. She really couldn't stay.

Nikki wished they happened to be going there next. But they were heading in the opposite direction. He would do whatever it took. Rach could see him thinking hard about the situation and smiled, she ran a hand over his face.

"Don't think too hard Sixx, you'll hurt yourself" She grinned. He didn't know how to persuade her to come with him and he was getting desperate. "How many dates do you have left?"

"I'm back at Van Nuys at the end of the month" He said almost breathlessly. She leant forward and kissed him gently. It was the touch he had been desperate for in the past 14 hours or so. Yet she pulled away before he could even process what was happening.

"I'll see you at the end of the month" She said walking away from him. "Be good Sixx. Don't make me change my mind."

He stared at her as she walked away. He licked his lips and nodded to himself. He had to stick to his word.